The little black book

I sat there at the lawyer’s office with my hands clenched together and my legs shaking, I wanted it to stop, I didn't want to be nervous, but I couldn’t, I was a nervous wreck since yesterday when the lawyer called me and said he was opening my mother’s will, I didn’t know she left a will because as much I remember she was penniless, she died 10 years ago when I was 12 years old, I stayed with my mother’s friend until I was 18 years old and put myself through college, and right now I am up to my neck with student loans, so imagine how excited I was when I got the call.

The secretory called my name, she said Mr Lawrence will see you now and I run to the office, I knocked and he said to come in, I took a few deep breaths and push the door, he told me to sit and starting searching for something.

Mr Lawrence ‘’ sorry about the wait, I am a little busy today’’

Me ‘’ it's alright’’

He walked to me with a little box in his hands and said,

Mr Lawrence ‘’ So, your mother, Mrs Jones left a few things for you, I know it been a decade since she died but she told me to only give this box to you on your 22nd birthday’’

I didn’t know what to say, I thought to myself why wait all these years, God knows I needed the money,

Me ‘’ why now?!’’

Mr Lawrence ‘’ I don’t know, but she was precise, she said 22nd birthday’’

He handed me the box, I put it in my lab and I just stared at it for a while, I didn’t know how to react, my hands were shaking.

Mr Lawrence ‘’Are you alright?!

Me ‘’ yeah, I just… I have too many questions’’

Mr Lawrence ‘’ you can only know if you open the box’’

I thought to myself he’s right and opened it slowly, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, I got up from my chair and basically screamed at him,

Me ’’are you kidding me, this is all she left’’

Mr Lawrence ‘’ Yes, that is correct’’

Me ‘’ What does she want me to do with a little black book, write a fucking dairy’’

Mr Lawrence ‘’ I am sorry if you’re disappointed but that is all she left’’

I stood there with a million questions in my mind, and extremely disappointed, then I thought to myself ‘’ what did you expect, since when was life nice to me’’

I took my bag and left the office, I was so angry with myself, I excited myself for nothing, I need to clear my mind so I walked for a while and then went home, that night I couldn’t sleep, I kept asking the same questions, why the little black book, why wait until I was 22 years old.

When I couldn’t take it anymore, I get out of my bed, opened my bag and took out the black book, I sat on my bed and opened it, it was my mother’s handwriting, it read,…

‘’ My dear Luna if you are reading this, it means I am gone and it's your 22nd birthday, so first, happy birthday my love, I am so sorry I couldn’t be there with you, and I am sure you have become a great young woman, and I couldn’t be prouder.

My little moon, I know you have thousands of questions about all this, and I promise I will answer all of it but first, you have to read to the end and please don’t hate me, I did it all for love.

My love, my life was not an easy one, I lived with a lot of disappointments and heartbreaks throughout my life, but I always looked at the bright side and waited for my time to shine to come, but it never did, instead all I got was more disappointments and hardships, I lived feeling empty and incomplete until I met your dad.

It was in the middle of December, the weather was cold and harsh, I worked at this small private detective agency near Boston, I worked 19 hours a day, I loved my job and I wanted to open my own agency one day, so basically my life was work, work and more work but everything changed one day.

One day, when I was closing up the office I met this beautiful, elegant, and rich woman, she was a daughter of a very rich family, her family owned half of Boston and apparently, she lost her very rich fiancé, who owned the other half of Boston, she told me they had an arranged marriage thing and since his engagement ceremony he was missing, and it’s been two years since she heard anything from him.

She told me she wanted to search for him privately because her family thinks he run away and because of it both families are at war and she didn’t want anyone to know she was looking for him, she said she loved him and would pay anything to get him back, she gave me a picture of him and $20k.

I couldn’t believe it, this was my time, this much money could help me open my agency, I took the job happy and excited, I told her I will find him even if he is at the end of the world, she looked so relieved and I could tell she believed me because she hugged me and starting crying.

Anyway, I searched for him everywhere, I worked my ass off but nothing, I send his photo to every one of my contacts around the world, every time I thought I found something I hit a wall, I even thought he was dead, but that didn’t stop me because dead or alive, I was going to find him.

After a year I started doubting myself, I was ready to give up when someday a friend of mine who lived in London called me and said he found someone who looked like him, he said this guy who rented a flat in his building had the same face but different name.

I took the first flight to London and went to the address my friend gave me, I got there pretty late and it was raining but I didn’t stop, I looked for that guy for a year and I was ready to close his file.

After I got to his apartment I knocked on his door excited and nervous, I was finally going to open my agency and live the life I wanted, except I wasn't prepared to find what I did that night.

After three knocks he opened the door, with a cup of coffee in his hand, he had messy hair and sweatpants on, he looked sleepish, he stared at me for a while and said ‘’ yeah, may I help you?!’’

I’ve seen his photo, I had it for a year, but never in my life did I think of him more than a missing fiancé of a very rich woman, but being there and seeing him changed something in me, his eyes shook me to my core, I froze there I couldn’t stop looking at him, I studied every inch of him, I wanted to say something but all that could come out was ‘’ hot’’

He looked at me buzzed and said ‘’ excuse me’’

I said ‘’ your… your coffee’’

He said ‘’ Oh, you must be cold, come in’’

I went inside his house and sat on his sofa while he poured a cup for me.

He said ‘’ here, drink this, you will feel much better’’

I took the cup and sipped my coffee while I tried to collect my thoughts.

After a while, he looked at me curiously and said ‘’ it must be important if you’re here at this late’’

I completely forgot why I was there, from the time he opened the door my heart couldn't stop beating so fast, that night I was so sure I found the love of my life, that was love at first sight, and didn’t know how to go on with it, and for a minute I hoped, no, I wished for him not to be the guy I was looking for.

I told him, I just flew from Boston and my friend who lived next door was not at home so I knocked on his door to ask for help, he didn’t say much he just gave me a towel and told me I could stay with him until my friend was home.

That night we talked, I told him about my life and I found out, he had an accident and he burned his hands and half of his chest, he also told me he lost his memory and didn’t know who he was, he said he searched his identity but couldn’t find anything, that night I wanted to tell him everything but I got scared, I didn’t know how to.

I stayed in London, I befriend him to investigate at first but eventually, we became best friends and more, he made me feel things I never thought was possible, he became someone I could count on, I mean, my entire life, I searched for something, I didn’t know what it was but I always felt it was out there, maybe that is why I became a private detective, I was looking for something, and now I knew he was what I was looking for, from the time our eyes met my heart was at ease, my emptiness was gone, he made me a whole.

Life was great, we were happy but deep down I knew I had to tell him the truth, but at the same time I was so scared I would lose him, he was my life, my everything and I didn’t want to lie to him, he deserved to know, so someday I told him I had something important to tell him, that night we met at his house and to my surprise, he prepared a romantic dinner, he set up a very beautiful atmosphere and that affected me a lot but I was not going to stop, I wasn't going deceive him anymore.

I gathered all my strength and said ‘’ Ben, I have something important to tell you, and I don’t know how you will react, but please believe me I didn’t want to….’’

He cut me off and said ‘’ babe, sorry but let me talk first’’

He chuckled and said ‘’before I met you, I didn’t know who I was, I didn’t know my own identity, but more importantly, I didn’t know what I was missing until you knocked on my door, from that moment I knew what I wanted…, and that is you.

I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say, I could only call out his name, then he said ‘’ what I am trying to say is, I love you and I want you with me forever’’

I took a few deep breaths and told him, I lied to him and that I knew something about his past, I told him I was scared I would lose him and that was the only reason I hid the truth, he said he didn’t want to know if it would cost him our relationship, he didn’t want to know who he was, that was how much he loved me, he gave up his whole life for me.

We got married and after five years we had you, we were happy, I couldn’t believe how much my life changed, every day I was grateful, but that didn’t change the facts.

There was a woman who believed and trusted me, a woman who loved your father, a woman who lost her love, a woman I ghosted and I didn’t feel her until I suddenly lost your father, that woman needs closure and I am not brave enough to stand in front of her and tell her, I found your fiancé, married him, had a daughter with him and after eight years of happy marriage lost him.

My beautiful moon, I am sick and I think soon I may not be here, that doesn’t scare me because I am ready to see my love again, but I am scared of dying without anyone knowing what I did to that woman, the only person I can ask for help is you.

So please do me one last favour, go see her and tell her everything, and give her the letter i wrote for her, tell her I asked for her forgiveness, you will find her address here.

ps, i am not sure if they are still alive but you father had a family, if you want to know more about them please ask her.

All my love, your very sorry mother’’

I sat there on my bed shocked, like what the hell, my mother lived all this, and more importantly, she wants me to find a woman she cheated on and apologise for her, I thought about it for a while then I stood up got ready and straight to airport.

I understood why she waited until now to give me the book because she knew I would understand her, I am just like her, I have no family left, I am all alone in this whole world, and if I found my other half I would go to hell and back for him, and that is why I was ready to ask forgiveness for my mother.

I took the first flight to Boston and before you know it, I was standing in front of this huge mansion, my mother wasn’t exaggerating when she said they owned half of Boston. Anyways, after few minutes of preparing myself, I rang the bell and I waited then suddenly a guy who is a little older than me opened the door, he was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen, i could only stare at me, so did he and after a few minutes of completely silent he smiled and asked me who I was looking for, I told him I was looking for Isabella Williams, he said, that is my mother, why are you looking for her, right then and there, I knew I was in huge trouble.