The day I stopped Fighting To Be Chosen

I used to beg to be loved.
Not out loud but in every text I overthought, every silence I tried to fill, every version of myself I reshaped just to keep someone around.
It was exhausting, pretending I didn’t notice when people slowly stopped choosing me.

I told myself they were just “busy.”
That I was “too sensitive.”
That love was supposed to hurt a little.

But deep down, I knew.
I was the only one trying.



There’s a specific kind of pain that comes from realizing you’ve been auditioning for love that should’ve been freely given.
You start to hate the mirror. You wonder what you did wrong. You replay every moment like a crime scene, looking for the mistake that made someone stop caring.

It’s not just heartbreak it’s erasure.
You begin to fade in your own life.



### The Moment I Broke

It was a Sunday.
I was staring at my phone, watching the little “typing…” bubble disappear mid-sentence. I had just sent a long message explaining how I felt honest, vulnerable, desperate and all I got back was silence.

I sat on my bed, curled in a ball, feeling invisible. I remembered the countless nights I stayed up rewriting my feelings, hoping for a response that would never come.
And then it hit me:
No amount of love, effort, or over-explaining will ever make someone stay who has already decided to leave.

I turned off my phone. I cried. And then, for the first time, I didn’t chase.

It didn’t feel empowering it felt like death.
But looking back, that was the day I was reborn.



### The Messy Reality of Healing

Healing isn’t poetic.
It’s messy, repetitive, and full of days that feel like backtracking.

You delete their number, then memorize it again.
You block them, then check their name out of habit.
You tell yourself you’re over it, then crumble when their song plays in a café.
You smile at someone else’s joy and feel a pang of jealousy because you’re still raw inside.

I remember walking through the park one evening, trying to distract myself with music, and seeing them laughing with someone new. My chest ached. But this time, I didn’t reach for my phone.
Instead, I asked myself: “What if I chose me this time?”

Slowly, the silence stopped feeling like punishment.
I started finding peace in my own company.
I stopped explaining myself.
I stopped performing for love.

I started to remember myself.


### What Healing Really Means

Healing isn’t about forgetting the people who hurt you.
It’s about releasing the version of yourself that tolerated it.

You stop needing closure because you realize silence was the answer.
You stop chasing why because why doesn’t heal you acceptance does.
And you stop blaming yourself because you finally see that sometimes, losing people is just the universe’s way of giving you back to yourself.



Here’s what I’ve learned the hard way:

1. If you have to beg for consistency, it’s not love.
2. If someone makes you feel like “too much,” they’re not your person.
3. Sometimes people can’t love you because they’re still at war with themselves and that’s not your battle to win.
4. Protecting your peace will always cost you people. Pay the price.
5. Letting go isn’t weakness. It’s self-respect in motion.
6. Don’t compare your healing to others your timeline is yours alone.
7. Cherish small victories: leaving a toxic text unread, sleeping without anxiety, smiling without forcing it.
8. Surround yourself with mirrors that reflect your worth, not your fears.


I remember the first morning I didn’t reach out to them. I brewed my tea, sat by the window, and noticed something: I felt lighter. The constant tension in my chest had loosened.
It wasn’t all at once. It was tiny, imperceptible shifts. But each moment was a brick in the wall I built to protect myself.

Now, when that familiar ache rises the urge to explain, to fix, to try again I stop myself.
I breathe.
I remind myself: I am enough.

Because real love doesn’t demand you to shrink.
It doesn’t silence your needs.
And it doesn’t leave you begging to be enough.

It simply meets you where you are and stays.

The truth is:
I didn’t lose them.
I found me.

And I’m not fighting to be chosen anymore.

If you’re waiting for someone to choose you, start choosing yourself first everything else will follow.


#healing #selfworth #movingon