The Day I Stopped Apologizing for Existing

I used to say "sorry" for everything. Bumping into someone by accident“Sorry.” Speaking up in a meeting “Sorry.” Asking for help when I was overwhelmed—“Sorry.” Existing in the world, taking up space, having needs, expressing opinions? Sorry, sorry, sorry.

But something shifted the day I realized how much power I was giving away with every apology that wasn’t truly needed. That moment didn’t happen in a therapy session or a self-help seminar—it happened in the grocery store.

The Strawberries Incident

I was standing in the fruit aisle, holding a container of strawberries, trying to read the expiration date. A man reached over me, grabbed a box, and muttered, “Can you move?”

Automatically, I said, “Oh, sorry,” and stepped aside.

Then it hit me—why was I apologizing?

He could have said “excuse me” like a decent human. I wasn’t in his way any more than he was in mine. But I was the one who said sorry—because I’d been taught that being accommodating made me likable. That shrinking myself made me easier to love. That women should not be “too much”—too loud, too assertive, too present.

The Pattern of Shrinking

From a young age, many of us are socialized to believe that being agreeable is virtuous. That politeness means sacrifice. That we’re not “nice” unless we’re willing to bend ourselves backward for others.

I see it in my friends who smile when they're uncomfortable. In women who over-explain their boundaries. In people who say yes when every fiber of their being is screaming no.

This culture of chronic apologizing is not just about manners. It’s about power. It’s about whose comfort matters. And too often, we’ve been conditioned to believe our own comfort comes last.

The Reclamation

After the strawberries incident, I decided to run a little experiment. For one week, I challenged myself to stop saying sorry—unless I genuinely did something wrong.

What replaced “sorry” was illuminating.

Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” I said, “Thank you for waiting.”

Instead of “Sorry to bother you,” I said, “Do you have a moment?”

Instead of “Sorry, I just wanted to say…” I said, “Here’s what I think.”

These tiny changes transformed the way people responded to me—and more importantly, how I felt about myself. I no longer started conversations from a position of guilt. I began to notice how often others (especially women and marginalized people) fell into the same habit. And I began gently encouraging them to stop.

The Ripple Effect

Words have power. And the way we talk to others—and ourselves—can either reinforce our sense of worth or chip away at it.

When we stop apologizing for existing, we give others permission to do the same. We model confidence. We assert boundaries. We teach our daughters that they don’t have to shrink to be accepted. We show our sons that strength includes respect, not dominance.

I’m not saying we should never apologize. True accountability is beautiful and necessary. But there’s a world of difference between taking responsibility and taking blame for simply taking up space.

If You’re Tired of Saying Sorry

Here’s what helped me:

Pause before you speak – Ask: Do I really need to apologize, or am I trying to soften my presence?

Replace “sorry” with gratitude or clarity – Instead of “Sorry I was unclear,” say “Thanks for your patience as I clarify.”

Keep a tally for a day – Notice how often “sorry” slips out unnecessarily.

Practice standing in silence – You don’t always owe a justification or an excuse. Sometimes, you just are.

A Quiet Revolution

Stopping the unnecessary “sorrys” isn’t about ego. It’s about reclaiming the parts of ourselves that have been taught to hide. It’s about standing taller in our own skin. It’s about rewriting the narrative that our presence is a burden.

If no one has told you today: You are not a burden. You don’t need to apologize for taking up space. You don’t need to be smaller to be worthy. You are allowed to speak, to rest, to need, to want.

You are allowed to exist without apology.