The Crush Collection

It's 2022 and Springtime is near. Here I am again, in serious pursuit of a special someone for only the fourth time in my life. Whether I'll have them or not is something only time can tell, but possessing such desires has only been a floodgate to new principles; Principles that will guarantee to protect the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It feels more than appropriate to store these newfound treasures in the same chest.

(The following text is from pages of my personal journal; A body of concepts I finalized and titled "The Crush Collection" in March 2022.)

Living In Secret

On March 7th, I reflected. I said to myself, "Envy has followed me my whole life, because I am what people don't have the courage to be." I took that thought and combined it with another: "The one I want might be missing out, simply because he cannot be honest with himself." Both of these notions, especially when coupled together, remind me the importance and magnificence of living your TRUTH. In fact, I find myself frowning upon fraudulent men more often recently. Fraudulence makes a man reek with the odor of dishonor. It makes a man unworthy of being taken seriously. It's unattractive—Disgusting, even.

It is my duty to never live in secret. Be what others don't dare to be, for it will earn you the most out of life. You will attract all the right sorts; You will stand out; You will flourish and lead the pack.

Possessive

Possessive is something I'd like not to be in love and relationships, for I can only hurt myself. Life is too abundant to accustom myself to the idea that I am the only person (or entity) that one can love, respect, or be fascinated with. What is most important when it comes to lovers and friends?

A) The bonds between us are sincere and exist with good reason. Do you truly value me?

B) Are you adding to me or taking from me? Is this "bond" damaging or parasitic?

C) I know my own worth and I must be decisive about what I will allow.

Hurtful

To be hurtful is a crime often committed between loved ones. When it comes to games of vengeance, I'd rather not even take part. To put someone down; To make someone jealous; To physically harm someone; All of these actions only make the invaluable trust between partners more difficult to achieve and preserve.

To be hurtful confuses things and can even have negative effects on the beautiful memories you've already written into history with that person. I understand I cannot control whether or not someone will do right by me in return. However, as someone who wishes to build and thrive in this thing called life, purposive misdeeds are merely foolish backwards steps. They only serve to destroy. As long as I do my honest part, I will not squander.

Changes In Perspective

On the night of March 11, I realized a couple of important things:

(1) Is Any Relationship Worth Overlooking? I've come to understand that it's not always easy to identify what it is that draws people to us. The nature of the relationship they seek is not always clear. However, whether it be that a person desires you or admires you, adoration of any kind is key in creating solid bonds.

I want to make sure I keep my mind open to those who are fixed on me, even when they do not seek what I seek. It is in my own best interest to remember that comradeship, friendship, and romance are all valuable in their own right. Therefore, neither should just simply be thrown away. In fact, one form of a relationship may be the gateway to another.

(2) The Beauty of the Social World. I mustn't forget it. Any place where people are present is a place to be the person you are. Your strengths, your virtues, your principles; They are the fun tools that make coexistence an experience and even a fun challenge. Any place where people are is a stage for the way you love, the way you fight, the way you react, etc. The social world is not so much about being fond of any and everyone, but more so about interacting and connecting with others in the unique way you do.

4:37 am