SNAKE PIT

The stuff I'm about to write brings a number of past enemies to mind, so it's probably best I start telling this story while I'm in a good mood. Here goes nothing.

It's 2022 and I've been working at a certain retailer for a little over two years. (Hint: A cavity snorts and spouts smores.) April hits and here comes a new manager looking for the weakest links. Typical! As soon as he realized there was zero chance of me ever kissing his ass, he cut my hours down to practically nothing. Next thing ya' know, I'm putting in my resignation and leaving the job with no plan of where to go next. (He was later fired for falsifying employee punches, and hardly lasted half as long as I did in that store.)

I'll be honest, I was losing a lot of money without a second job, and it seemed like I was short on luck with getting a new one. I had to cancel my insurance, I was using my credit card more than ever, and I was even prepared to take some of my shit to the pawn shop. However, I wasn't scared nor stressed.

Despite my financial challenge, I had so much inner peace. Everything that was happening just made me feel like the universe was setting me up to stay still. Because of my circumstances, I knew whatever job called me would be one I had to accept—as if wherever I ended up was a place I was meant to be.

Fast forward to the end of May: I'm working the first fast food job I've ever had in my life and the majority of these people are either still in high school, barely out of high school, or too grown to still be acting like they're in high school. (You should have seen how they acted when I got promoted.) After a year of working with a bunch of drama loving crabs in a bucket, I had to bounce—and thankfully, I managed to leave with lessons worth writing about. I see what you did there, universe.

It's all fun and games being the new dude on the job until you start getting good at stuff. As soon as the people of Slouch Town and Mediocre City see that someone is standing out above the rest, they'll come mobbing with hammers and bats to break that person's spirit. Granted my situation at the time of finding this job, I wanted more out of my work than just the little pay. I had no interest in screwing around on the clock and being socially awkward with customers like everyone else. Unfortunately for most workplaces, when you do anything more than the bare minimum, you're doing too much, and sooner than later you become a target. Not before long, I realized that the primary challenge of having this job would be learning to navigate in an environment where no one is your ally. Lord, I'm surrounded in enemies!

Watch Out For Poison

One thing I had to get used to at this job was weird ass energy on a regular basis. I can't count how many times I arrived to work to be treated like I'd committed a crime. It's like my coworkers struggled to speak to me and struggled even harder to look at me; As if turning to face me would cause unbearable neck pain; So rigidly uninterested in communicating that even asking a valid question would earn me a look of disgust.

At first I thought they were just mad I was cute. (Which I still think.) However, somewhere in between intuition and social media psychologists, I realized that this is how people behave when they cross you behind your back. Alas, I'd learned to identify the most potent poisons of common snakes.

Gossip and Slander: This was the era of my life that trained me to be wary of these particular tools of destruction. Your enemies use them to make your environment an uncomfortable place. In fear that people will gravitate to you or respect you, they convince everyone ahead of time that you're no good—even if it takes a lie or two. Keep in mind, the majority of the staff is teenaged, so their moral compasses are not the most developed. In other words, these fuckers had time to play.

So many times I clocked in to be met with BLIND accusations, INFLATED drama, PREMEDITATED confrontation, or a brand new attitude from somebody that was just good YESTERDAY. Sooner or later, you connect the dots and trace the bologna back to the source. These people never had a problem seeing my face, they simply had a desire to hide their own.

Seeking An Antidote

Talking shit is immature. Spreading lies is shameful. We know this. However, the same things could describe someone who concerns themselves with every little word being said about them. (Hi, me in middle school.) What other people say is not something you can control—even when it causes you problems. Being in a salty group as chatty as this one forced me to consider my options. How does one get ahead of gossip and slander? How does a soldier stand in a fight against claims that circulate in his absence? I'll tell you. The strongest medicine for this kind of venom works gradually and without pain.

Integrity and Consistency: These are your sharpest blades in the war against reputation. The only way to make your enemies' words powerless is to show up the same way every day, even when no one is looking. Be an authentic, unshakeable version of yourself and be that in the company of every person. Although you CAN'T always be there to blow the whistle when your name comes up, you CAN trust that people listening know what to believe, whether they admit it or not.

If a man named Jenkins wears blue socks and a blue bow tie every single day for the 60 days you've known him, then you probably know what he's going to wear tomorrow. The minute his ex-wife tells you he stole green socks out of Walmart, you're going to be confused. You might not call bullshit right then and there, but that question mark is gonna' be LOUD. Why the hell would Jenkins rob a Walmart for some green socks? He's not gonna' wear them anyway. Nah, that don't sound like him. See how the enemy airballed that? Jenkins 1, baby momma 0.

I understood right away that if I wanted to stay above allegations and petty rumors I was going to have to ignore them and focus on the way I represent myself. Show up and shine every chance you get, then watch yourself become bulletproof to messy chatter.

Speaking To Snakes

Speaking of chatter, the battle is not over just because you've learned the art of surviving scuttlebutt. For the second phase in the war of weaponized words, the enemy opts to use yours against you. If what THEY say is not venomous enough to take you out the game, then what YOU say will have to make due.

Let's take it back to a particular night when one of the guys didn't show up for his shift. As the shift leader, I explained to the young ladies on duty that such a stunt was careless, irresponsible, and affected ALL of us. Mind you, I'm still in high spirits, because I don't fear a challenge. I just wanted them to understand how letting it slide could set us up to fail in the future. That was the end of it. Fast forward to the following week, both of those girls were skipping their shifts! Dude, what the hell?! In my efforts to communicate accountability, I'd unknowingly communicated a method to get under my skin.

Prior to those events (which are a just a few of many), these same two girls both shared a habit of sneaking off to the restroom RIGHT after I finished talking. I should have known then that they were providing real time updates for all the other members in the petty party. Their agenda as concerned me was crystal clear from the minute I opened my mouth, every time my mouth was to open.

One of the trickiest things about working in a barrel of crabs is that you have to assume the enemy never takes a break. I had to learn the hard way that nothing was safe to express. No matter your tone, no matter your intention, speaking to a snake means anything may backfire. Even so much as an apology or piece of advice can be twisted or used to defame and destroy. A snake's mind is made up when it comes to its prey!

Prejudice

As happy as I am to share my wisdom, I'll be first to admit that knowledge means nothing if you're not in the right place. In fact, all the knowledge, skills, experience, or work ethic in the world might get you little to nothing depending on who you're dealing with. Like I said in the previous paragraph, a snake's mind is made up, and some of these slithering serpents come in the form of people in charge.

In fast food jobs, people can be given promotions right away for simply being AVAILABLE—even when they don't follow the rules, don't have manners, don't lead well, and can barely chirp louder than a fucking whisper.

Yet there I was, as motivated as can be, waiting nearly a year for a dollar raise. When I finally got the promotion, I stepped into my new role with confidence, but there was one peculiar thing I noticed. The people I was primarily scheduled to work with were the most hood on the team. Don't get me wrong, I have fun with my people. I wouldn't trade those times for anything. It was just a significantly different scene than what I'd been introduced to when I started the job. It didn't take long for me to notice the convenient timing of my promotion with the influx of black staff. It was obnoxiously clear to me that my color and the color of people around me was a DICTATING factor in whether or not I could be a lead. (And it doesn't help that the man calling the shots once suspected me of conspiracy when he found a counterfeit in the safe.) Funny enough, this was only the start of me taking notice to these kinds of things. I ran into similar obstacles again later on with a different employer.

I entered my late twenties determined to go higher in my jobs, and such aspiration emphasized one particular pain in the ass: PREJUDICE. Sometimes, there's no way to play your cards right. Sometimes the real issue is something that can't be said out loud. Sometimes, you simply just don't LOOK the part. Whether you're black, you're gay, you're Mexican, you're plus sized, or a crossdresser, people may go to the ends of earth looking for excuses not to help you. This is why it's important to take stock of your environment and the people around you before applying yourself to advancement. No matter where you are, you must ask yourself "is this a place where someone like me can thrive?" before shedding a single bead of sweat. (Whatever someone like you is to you.) Furthermore, make sure your primary incentive for working hard is making YOURSELF proud.

Rising from the Pit

When the King Cobra himself finally tested my patience for the last time, I let him have it and got my ass up outta' there. At long last, I'd left the den of vipers in one piece with an opportunity to reflect on the year I'd just had. One thing was for certain: I'd be stepping into my next job with a few new revelations under my belt.

1. He who is lazy cannot be taught. Before you break your back looking for a new way to instruct others, please understand that there will always be an issue for the person who hates to lift a finger. If it's not your tone, it's your timing. If you explain it, they'll say they already know. Then when they drop the ball, they'll say no one told them. There will always be confusion, frustration, and forgetfulness when dealing with someone who's not here to help. Save the empathy and do yourself the favor of identifying QUICKLY when a person is just plain sorry.

2. He is who is jealous cannot be satisfied. People who envy you need excuses to be upset around you. If it's not one thing it's another. Don't go thinking you can sit down to talk about an issue with hopes of a brighter future, because they will invent something else in due time. The moral of the story here is learning to pay more attention to the frequency of a person's bad attitudes than the alleged reasons they give for having them. After your third or fourth time of seeing someone walk around with a stank face, go ahead and cross them off your list of concerns. Slap a "hater" sticker on 'em and call it a day. The bitch is officially unfixable.

3. NO "WORD SALAD". This was a term used by former boss in his attempt to tear me down. "It's always this word salad with you," he'd said. "And it's all garbage! GARBAGE!"

Although I know he was just being evil, I took his claim into consideration. As a writer, I make it my business to succinctly deliver the message, and now I make sure to do the same in real speech. Believe it or not, I'm in love with getting to the point. However, somewhere in between knowing precise words and avoiding blurred lines, statements may accidently get longer. (Trust me, I've watched myself on video.) That particular insult gave me all the motivation I needed to be even more concise, especially as it pertains to work. These days, I submit single page resumés to websites and give one sentence answers in the interview without thinking twice. It's liberating!

4. Just handle it yourself. No matter who it is in your life that's calling the shots or cutting the checks, please understand that most people have lazy bones in their bodies. Even your authority figures don't give a damn about what's happening at work. However, things get a little confusing when they do their DUTY of encouraging everyone to communicate issues to leadership. I'm hear to tell you, it's all bullshit.

One thing about me, I'm not one to consult with another man; Especially not about work stuff. If there's a challenge, I accept it. If there's beef, I hold my OWN and I do it well. I've survived the long game in a handful of jobs keeping things to myself. As soon as I tried being "responsible" and making the boss aware of bubbling issues (to keep from cussing someone out), it was like I became the target. There I was, trying to show that I had nothing to hide, only to realize that the man in charge preferred it to be hidden.

Your bosses secretly don't want to be bothered ever. Nine times out of ten, they already know about the skeletons in the closet. They don't want to fix issues, they don't want to make changes, they don't want to play the mediator, and they definitely don't want to be the therapist. Unless the building is wrapped in flames, they probably don't want a phone call either.

DON'T let them convince you otherwise! They mostly act concerned about the details when shit has already hit the fan. It's like an impulse. Trust me when I tell you, it adds more value to you when you fend for yourself. Even when it comes down to constant, ratchet fighting at work. I don't care how toxic something is, the minute you try and let the boss know about it, he might be irritated that you couldn't just act like it didn't exist.

Play the game for yourself and try your best not to bring things up until they're brought to you. And don't feel guilty about handling things your own way. When you clear hurdles by yourself, you show you're a good runner and you're kept in the race.

When all is said and done, I had fun in that job and didn't even need a true friend to do it. Let the record show, no weapon formed against me prospered. I was a force by myself and couldn't be slowed down. Although I never expected fate to lead me to a cave of Cobras, I managed to emerge from the darkness in snakeskin boots. To think it took an army of serpents to show me that I was the fox all along.