“The Advice On Getting Guys To Like You That Stuck With Me”

Back when I was in my 20s, I never dreamed that I would train to be a relationship coach. I was wide eyed and inexperienced and used to being taken for granted by men. I also think that was when I got the biggest crush to date of my young life.

We had only been dating for a month, but the chemistry was electric. And I was in trouble. It was near Christmastime, and his birthday was days later. We weren’t committed. I didn’t want to come on too strong or scare him away. I was in Florida on Christmas vacation with my parents and my brother, who was two and a half years younger.

So I bit the bullet and asked my brother for advice. After all, he was a guy and seemed pretty smitten with a girl of his own lately. He was pretty popular and less awkward than me. And we were close. He was the sort of guy I’d’ve lived to hang out with if we weren’t family.

Besides, we were sharing a hotel room. So I asked him, “Hey I really like this guy, but it’s new. How do I play this so I don’t scare him off? I don’t want him to lose interest in me."

My brother faces me casually grinning, “Oh that’s easy. You don’t wanna come on too strong. Like if you text and call him all day, that can drive a guy crazy.” He rolls his eyes. “Keep it to like once or twice a day.”

I felt nervous......damn I had texted a bit more than that, but it wasn’t too late to change my tune! I thanked him and started religiously watching my texting and phone calls.

But then I noticed something. My brother’s girl wasn’t! She texted him all day (and all night!) every day, and it didn’t seem to bother him a bit! It bothered the Hell out of me! She’d text at 3 am waking me, and the vibration sounded like a thousand bees buzzing! Not only was he not annoyed, but he seemed extra smitten that she would text and call so much.

Meanwhile, I was still limiting my call and text footprint suffering in doubt as we spoke less. My brother continued to leave our hotel room after midnight and family gatherings during the day to take these constant calls and texts.

And finally, after a few days, I started getting angry. My brother’s, I was to learn, NEW FIANCÉE, was doing what my brother told my annoyed guys the most, and he couldn’t be happier! I couldn’t understand why my little brother, who doubled as a BFF, would give me bad advice. I decided to confront him.

I approached him like a storm cloud. “I don’t understand you! You told me that men HATE it when you text them all the time! But that annoying girl won’t stop! I haven’t gotten a solid night’s sleep in days! Why would you tell me not to call him??? WHICH IS IT?? YOU OWE ME!”

My brother’s face turned red. Then he looked shocked. Then he looked embarrassed. Then he faced me guiltily. “I guess I do love it but not usually.....”. Then he looked at me seriously as though he had just figured something out.

“I’ll tell you the truth.” I held my breath. To this day, over a decade later, I can never forget what he told me.

“I didn’t give you bad advice. It just doesn’t matter.” He cleared his throat like he he did when he was embarrassed.

“If a guy likes a girl, really likes her, if she’s “the one”, it doesn’t matter what she does. He’ll love it. He won’t be able to stop. You can do no wrong. But if you AREN’T, you can do everything right, and it won’t make him like you. It will just drive him crazy.”

He took a deep breath and continued. “So forget what I said. If you want to call him, call him. If he is taking all of the texts and calls, he probably does like you anyway.” I hugged him.

So, for the first time in my guy liking life, I took this advice and relaxed. I let myself liked him. I even got a little needy. And the guy DID like me back. We were together for 8 years, and he is now my ex-husband. My brother did end up marrying the girl, who is now his ex-wife.

True my brother is now married to someone else, and I am now engaged, to someone, who is better suited to me, but that lesson stuck with me. It was the only generic advice I would ever need: CHEMISTRY IS IMPORTANT.

Yes, if you abuse someone, they will leave you, but there is no magic protocol to follow or text to send to get a guy to like you! Fit is everything. The trick is to find the person, who will truly match with you as a partner. The rest simply doesn’t matter! 💯

Please feel free to SHARE with a friend who could also use my brother’s advice!