Why If You Must Use a Generic Online Dating Site, Generic Profiles Don’t Work!!

If you are single, you have likely considered an online dating site, such as eHarmony, Plenty Of Fish, OkCupid, or Match. I tried some of these back when I was single, but I am not a fan of them. I’d rather meet people in a group or on a dating site that I already have a trait or interest in common with. That said, these are quick, easy and popular ways to meet people.

The primary problem I have is that most people do their profiles wrong, at least in my opinion. If you have tried browsing any of these sites, you have seen “The Generic Profile”. It starts with a picture of the person without a single pore on their face looking young, vibrant, and often heavily made up possibly years younger. Then you get a long list of “appealing interests” like walks on the beach, movies, dogs, etc. Then they talk about seeking the perfect partner to bring joy to their lives.

These profiles receive at least 100 replies a day, and, in my opinion, are 💯useless expect as ego validation traps. Needless to say, I do it differently!

When I used to design profiles, I would pick a photo that was flattering but really looked like me. I don’t wear a ton of makeup, so I wouldn’t pick a made up photo. I picked approximately the weight and age I currently was. I wasn’t frowning with a double chin, but if I showed up to a casual coffee, you’d recognize me from the photo quickly.

Instead of “waiting for Prince Charming for walks on the beach”, I threw in every quirk I could think of. My unconventional faith, being autistic, the activities I actually enjoy even the odd ones. When I got to what makes me happy in a partner?? I told the truth and got even quirkier.

People would look at these ads, roll their eyes, and tell me that I wouldn’t get like ANY replies. Like 100 TOPS the entire time. And I would surprise them by responding, “EXACTLY! You get it.” Most people are flabbergasted by this approach. But my reasons are quite simple.

There are two approaches to online dating: Ruling In and Ruling Out. Most neurotypical online daters go for the common approach of Ruling In. They don’t want to miss out on any opportunities and want to feel attractive and desirable, so they cast the widest net possible and encourage you to do the same. Their logic goes something like, “You are now in control. You can sort through thousands of replies and pick the ones you like.”

Here’s what really happens when you Rule In. You get thousands of replies, but many of the people are wrong for you. Some are so wrong for you that they will reject you on your first reply or as soon as they see your real face. Most are replying to anyone hot and generic and will already be talking to several other people.

Even if you get a reply from a sincere person, who genuinely wants to speak with you, they will likely meet few if any of your sincere dating requirements because you didn’t list any. And what are the odds that you meet any of theirs??

Worst of all, if you are an autistic introvert like me, you have to go through THOUSANDS of these people wasting your time, energy and spoons! For me, this is Dante’s 4th Circle of Hell! No thank you!

So needless to say, I do exactly the opposite: I RULE OUT. My dating motto is that, “There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it’s a damn large ocean!” So if I want to find a partner that is a fit for me, especially being this quirky, I don’t need a net! I need a Petri dish. I have done the work to know who I am and what I want, and my goal is to find you, not to feel loved and popular!

So I am going to write my ad my way. And if it puts you off, I HIGHLY doubt that we are going to click in person! The best ads also do something else crucial. They make whether or not you have read them obvious based on the reply. This way, if I somehow make someone’s “Generic Hottie Form Reply List” by accident, I will easily be able to screen out and toss these replies without taking them seriously.

Yes, this approach might net you ten to fifteen serious and compatible replies, if you are quirky and lucky, but at least five of these of these people will likely be worth talking to. At least two or three of these five will likely take a genuine interest in you if you respond to them.

And one may actually be a potential partner. Who knows?

Meanwhile, Sam and Sally Generic will continue to waste their time and console themselves with how much “hotter than you are this makes them. I say, “Have fun and good luck!” They’ll need it!! ❤️