Thanks to my incredible Mom

Mom, you're a life saver.

I've said this before, but it bears repeating: thank you.

You're sacrificing more than I can ever repay or even feel comfortable with. And a public "thank you" really doesn't go far enough. But here it is.

Thank you for your giving me and my kids a safe place to live. Thank you for opening your doors to us and for giving me guidance on stuff I never expected to have to deal with.

It's not fair for you to have to provide a roof for three loud kids and one 34 year old me.

There's the material sacrifice, and the intrusion into your space, along with the emotional strain of seeing your own kid go through a hard time.

You've paid your dues and paid them over again, grinding through life as a single mom to provide for me and my brother. You should be free to enjoy grandmothering from a comfortable distance-- you should be free to enjoy the joy and excitement of visits, and then the peace and quiet in between. Instead you are shouldering the constant presence of 4 more people in your home and in your space.

I do not like this situation, I do not like being a burden.

I know you say that having us all around is a joy-- and I believe that it often is. But it is also a struggle, which you shouldn't have to bear.

Still, you have been so hospitable and generous in providing us a refuge and a place to regroup.

I do not wish to air all my dirty laundry, but this public gratitude won't really make sense unless certain things are declared. When I left my exwife I was effectively penniless. My share of our assets were tied up and under her control, I could not access any of the savings we had accumulated. I was a victim of financial abuse.

But the emotional strain of being in a toxic relationship with someone so utterly incompatible and unkind had worn me down. I didn't feel I had any options, but something had to give. I accepted what I thought to be my only available escaped from her: homelessness.

I had no money for a legal battle with my ex for custody. And I was in deep enough to believe the manipulations she had been feeding me. I believed her when she said that as the kids' primary caregiver if I left her I'd still have to watch the kids at her (our) house.

I believed that leaving my ex would mean sleeping in my car or a shelter or a tent at night, and returning each morning to the house we bought together to provide ongoing childcare.

And I was prepared to accept this scenario, in order to be free from her, thinking it my only honest option.

When I mentioned this to you, you told me to move back and just take the kids with me.

I was so wrapped up in the lies I'd lived under that I really didn't know if that was best. But you were a reliable sounding board, and you let me test my hypotheticals against your own experience. You helped me identify the ways I'd been gaslit and misused.

Still I did not want to impose.

Somehow you finally convinced me to step past my hesitation and move back in to provide a safe space not only for me, but more importantly for my kiddos.

I'm immensely grateful for all your patience during my agonizing deliberations and for hearing me out when I needed a steady source of wisdom.

I'm immensely grateful for the physical space you've provided for my family.

I'm immensely grateful for the care you give my kids. Your willingness to watch them as often as you do is a gift to me.

And you watch them for free, a baffling kindness which cannot go unstated!

You provide more care for my kids than my ex does-- you actually watch them more than she ever did when she and I were still together under one roof!

Your willingness to babysit here and there has allowed me to pick up extra shifts at work, and begin to build back my own savings-- an action which was all but impossible living with my ex as she was rarely if ever willing to watch them to provide me any of that freedom. Your generosity with your time has also allowed me brief freedoms in terms of granting me: solitude, time to write or work on fitness, and time to socialize. None of these things were possible in my past life!

It's because of you that I am now free to rediscover myself... I'm healing. I'm healthier and happier.

And I owe you so much. That's why I'm so sorry for the pain you've had to endure because you offered to help us.

You've been the victim of my ex wife's anger and violence and I hate everything about that. You should feel safe in your own home, and now, thanks to the order of protection I hope you do.

It was bad enough that she was abusive towards me, but it really burns me to know that she ever put her hands on you and I have trouble forgiving myself for bringing her into your life.

Still, the time I spent with her was worth it because three beautiful kids now exist through that awful union. Thank you for being an above-and-beyond grandma. You shouldn't have to be, but it is so appreciated.

All of this makes me reflect on the difficulty men and women must face when they are stuck in an unlivable or dangerous domestic situation, with nowhere to go....

My kids and I are so lucky that you're around and that you're willing and able to house us until we're back on our feet.

I owe you so much.

I love you mom,

-Sam