marriage
Marriage is not so much a word as it is a sentence–a life sentence.
Never had a bedroom headache in 44 years
I’ve been with my husband a total of 44 years. In all that time I’ve never had a bedroom headache and never said no to making love. I have listened to women give varying reasons why they have said no to their spouses and that is their right. I used to read letters to Dear Abby and Ann Landers where wives said they hated their husbands touching their breasts or swatting them on the behind. I look at those as terms of endearment but not everyone thinks the same way on the subject. I’m speaking for the other team because there are wives like me who love the attention.
By Cheryl E Preston5 years ago in Humans
Remember that one time when...
So... we all can recall that one time when we’ve done something stupid. Totally put our entire foot in deep into the back of our mouth until the tip of our toe nails scraped the surface of our tonsils and the pain was shocking right? Well not literally but you get my drift. I found myself sitting on the edge of the bed, making side notes of my reasons for concern and thinking of ways to deliver the message, “ I don’t think I want to do this anymore.” It was painful to think about and in an ungodly way, my nerves were all over the place and my anxiety was rising. Suddenly, the feeling of guilt rushed in and I start to feel extreme disappointment in myself. Past conversations with friends resurface in my mind and I start to remember all the times that I was called selfish and inconsiderate. I remember being told that I’m a horrible friend, unreliable, untrustworthy. And now here I am again, preparing myself to be the bearer of bad news. “I don’t think I want to do this anymore”. See the thing is, I didn’t want to do this in the first place. I had already thought through the consequences and the emotional distress it would put me in and I didn’t want to do it. But the stress of letting him down, disappointing him, and completely embarrassing him seemed harder to bear than just simply going through with what I had already agreed to do. I had already said yes. I look out of my bedroom window to see my family arriving for the big day. I suppose it’s too late. My mouth begins to water as my breathing increases and I feel myself gasping for air. I close my eyes to regain control and I open them to find my mom standing there. She comes in the room and sit next to me on the bed, gently placing her hands inside of my hands and pulls me in closer for a hug. She looks in my eyes. The look of despair and uncertainty must have spread itself across my face because her excitement turned into concern. Her face started to look like mine. “Mom, remember that one time when you signed me up for piano lessons because I said that Bethoveen was cool.” “Yes” she replied. “And I went to all of the lessons and at the night of the recital, I told you that I was only doing it to make you happy and I only thought “Bethoveen” was a cool name” “yes, I remember honey,” she replied with a quick chuckle, now looking at me with compassion and understanding in her eyes. “ Or remember the time when Eliza asked me to pet sit for her when her mom got sick and I knew I couldn’t take care of her puppy but I agreed to it anyway and I ended up losing the puppy during our walk?” “Yes” she says. “ Mom this feels like one of those times. I put my foot in my mouth and I agreed to be something that I don’t want to be. I don’t want to commit the rest of my life to being held hostage by the vow to stay with one person through it all, no matter what. I don’t want the responsibility of loving one person as my other half. I want to love without boundaries, without limits, and without expectations. Without a role. Without a position. I don’t want to be married.” My mom looks at me with a sense of sadness. I could tell that she was looking forward to do this day more than I was. I had not thought about it before, but in that moment, I realized that I was not just letting my soon to be husband down, but I was letting her down too. “We can postpone everything and reschedule the arrangements. You’re just having cold feet. We can move everything back to a later date when you are feeling better. I’ll tell everyone that you’re sick and we can reschedule” She says. “Okay” I said, lowering my head into my chest. I was doing it again. Why is it so hard for me to say “No. Not now. Not ever!” Jeff’s a great guy. He’s sensitive and compassionate... romantic... successful. But I just... I can’t figure out why the thought of becoming his wife or anybody’s wife, scares the living daylights out of me. The responsibility of loving someone through sickness and health, for rich or poor, makes me feel trapped. I feel like I’m signing my life away and I just don’t think I want to do this anymore. He proposed to me during a family gathering at his grandmother Trisha house and it was beautiful. It was set up in the backyard. There was a choir singing sweet melodies with lights illuminating the walk way, rose petals covering the ground , family, food, and lots of love. He got down on one knee and popped the question, “Will you marry me?” With a gorgeous, diamond ring, he looked up at me with those big brown eyes. All eyes were on me as everyone waited for my answer. The ring was glistening in the candlelight, but all I could see was his face. His face was covered with hope that I would say yes, so I said it. It felt like the right thing to say in that moment surrounded by friends, family, music, and love. The outburst of joy from everyone around us overwhelmed us both and we celebrated that night. But as time went on, it became more and more agonizing and less exciting. Now here we are, the day of the wedding and I just... I don’t want to do this anymore. My mom tells the wedding party that I am ill and we’ll need to postpone the ceremony. I hear all of the guests downstairs asking my mom to relay messages of well wishes and then the door opens as all the family start to leave. I wipe my make up off and take the hair pins out of the bun in my hair. I feel more relieved already. Then I hear the door behind me open. It’s Jeff. I turn to see that it’s him but then I turn away because I can’t look him in his eyes. It’s time. It’s time to deliver the disappointment, hurt, and embarrassment. “ What’s wrong babe? Your mom said that you were sick. Are you alright?” He kneels down beside me, looking into my face for answers. The tears start to fall from my eyes. I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to disappoint him but here goes... “ I don’t want to do this anymore Jeff.” He looks at me in disbelief. I couldn’t look him in his face because I knew the pain would be too jarring and I needed to be strong. I needed to stand on this. It was already out of my mouth and directed to the man that I love and through the pain, I felt relief. Jeff is quiet. He looks at me for a second before dropping his head into his hands and he sits there for awhile. Silent. “I’m sor-“ before I could finish he stands up and jets out of the room. I couldn’t tell if he was crying or angry or both. Now the guilt is back. All the relief is gone and I feel horrible again. I feel disappointed in myself as I look in the mirror at a woman who has let others down many times, who has made promises and failed to keep them, and who has volunteered for the task but never completed it. As I start to bash myself, I remind myself that it’s better late than never. Oh how sorrowful it would have been to look at my future husband years from now and say “Remember that time when I vowed to love you through sickness and health, for richer or poorer? I didn’t mean it. I only did it to make you happy. I never wanted to be married.” The realization that this was what was best, brought me back into reality. It was hurtful. It was painful. And I feel bad. But ultimately, it was better for it to be now than later.
By Gerkerea Hodges5 years ago in Humans
Has The Attraction Waned? 4 Things To Know About Keeping A Long-Term Relationship Alive
With a little effort and determination, everyone can spice up their relationship. And the best part? The more often you do it, the easier it will become. Here are four things to know about keeping a long term relationship alive – and how to do them.
By Leigh Norén5 years ago in Humans
A Cup of Coffee and Carol Sue
I remember it was during the summer of 1963. I just got off my shift at the Louisville Bedding Company with my best friend, Carol Sue. Carol Sue looked at the complete opposite of me. She had long, blonde hair, a curvy build, and bold lips. I, on the other hand, was tall, skinny, and short, brown hair.
By Dailey Menendez5 years ago in Humans
Music and Northern Lights
There’s something in the sky tonight. A tingle. A whisper. Electric, green waves roll their way across the starlit sky as if sending messages from the universe to the earth. The wolves’ howls in the distance, carried along by the chill, winter breeze, make their way across the mountains and down into the forest where Rebecca lies. Her velvet, brown hair caresses her pale cheeks as she turns her head to face the glass windows above her. She has finally made it back to Igloo Village. The howling breeze, as cool and soothing as the blanket of bleached-white snow on the ground outside, strokes the needles of the surrounding pine trees and compels the owls among their branches to hoot, almost as if in melody with each other. This is Finland in winter. Rebecca looks up through the clear, curved roof of her igloo, closes her eyes for a moment and breathes out a deep sigh of relief. She is alone. She is still. All is peaceful and serene. The warmth from the flickering fire calms her nerves as the smell of cinnamon from the burning and crackling pinecones kisses the air around her.
By Rose Rocket5 years ago in Humans
What if I don't?
What if I don’t? Marriage at 23 Sarah Johnson I married at 21. Something that I haven’t ever really just sat down and contemplated is the question, "what is love"? Yet, I seem to get asked that a lot, at random. Love is unconditional. Love is caring, selfless, kind, patient. Love is a choice. It’s something that doesn’t always just come to you, as I had once believed. I thought that when you get married, somehow everything falls together and it just came to you on how to love. How very wrong I was. Marriage isn’t hard like so many around me seemed to believe. Love is hard. Choosing someone over and over again is difficult. It’s even more difficult if you don't’ love that person or have it in you to commit. This is why it’s so important to choose your partner wisely and know that you’re committing to them for the rest of your life. Not just when you feel like it, not until they get crazy and you want out, not when it’s just the good days. Those vows that are said are said for a reason and are supposed to mean something. How unfortunate that our generation has slowly taken marriage and made it into something that’s like a relationship. You can leave whenever you want or if it gets to be too much. No. That’s what dating is. You’re not dating this person, you’re married to them.
By Sarah Tabor5 years ago in Humans
Tangled love pt. 3
Chapter 3: Dewayne was getting ready to leave this morning to meet up with his teammates so they can leave for their game against the Falcons. I kissed him goodbye and told him to be safe and win his game. After he left I called Pastor Leon and asked him to come by so I could talk to him. An hour later he arrived without his wife. “Where is Melanie?” “She’s at her mother’s house, he told me.” But something in my spirit wasn’t feeling right with Pastor Leon. Don’t get me wrong he was a very sexy man and only to be 32 years old and have his own church. But I’m married and he’s married so I just told him to come back when he meets back up with his wife. He said his goodbyes and left. I grabbed my keys and jumped into my car and drove to my dad’s house. When we moved to New Orleans I had him moved down here too so we could be closer. I got there and he wasn’t at home, I dialed his phone and he told me that he was at the doctor office and that he will call me when he gets home. I left his house and went to get my nails and feet done. When I arrived at the nail salon I bumped into Melanie the Pastor’s wife. I could tell that she wasn’t happy to see me especially by the look she gave me. “Hello Ebony!” she said with an attitude in her voice. Of course I gave her an attitude back Hello Melanie! What’s your beef? She claimed that she didn't have any beef. “Cut the bullshit Melanie I can tell in the tone in your voice that you have a problem with me.” Then her eyes started tearing up. “I’m sorry Ebony. I have a feeling in my heart that Leon is cheating on me; and I know for sure that it’s with the women at our church who are either old or young and ugly. I feel that Leon has his eyes on another woman and I saw on his phone that you were the last person that he talked to on his phone. “Let me stop you right there, I don’t want your husband. I'm happily married.” “Then why is he calling your phone late at night?” “Bitch check with your husband, I said as I stormed off.” Soon as I walked in the salon my phone rings and of course it’s Pastor again. I ignored his call and then blocked his number. I was just trying to be part of the church community and live life like Christ would want me too. I wanted to call Dewayne and tell him that we need to switch churches. But then I thought about how I am going to explain the reason. I don’t want my husband thinking that I’m sleeping with the Pastor. My nails and feet were finally done and I felt like a new woman. I called Dewayne’s phone and a woman answered. “Who the fuck is this, I asked” Then the phone hangs up! Anger and hatred filled up in my system. I called his phone again and it went to voicemail. “You laid up with a bitch and can’t even answer me like a real man and tell me, Dewayne I will never forgive you for this.” I left the voicemail on his phone with tears in my eyes. I can’t believe this I gave Dewayne ten years of my life just for him to cheat on me. Divorce is not an option for me. I’m going hit him where it hurts, play a nigga at his own game. GET EVEN! Be on the lookout for part 4 it's getting more intense as the story goes on. Thanks for reading and continuing to read this series. Leave a nice tip if you love the series. Thank you!
By Lexus baskin5 years ago in Humans
Hello Diary - Am I the Crazy One?
January 15 - Dear Diary - I had another argument with my husband. This time it was over me wanting to help my mom out. I am an only child and I want to create a burial fund for my mother to use when the time comes. My cousin, my mom, and me would pay into the fund. I told my husband I want to do this so I don't end up in the same situation as my cousin has with her father's passing. My husband hates for me to spend money, and trust me, he rarely lets me. It seems a bit lopsided as it seems he can take his friends to lunch, and buy various things without even telling me. Yet, I cannot buy a KitKat bar without asking him first, and God forbid I paid for a group of friends lunch. So, as not to do it behind his back I asked him if I could do this for my mom. He immediately said no. He said it is not my responsibility to take care of my mother. See, my husband is not close to his family so his view of this situation is a bit skewed. I explained to my husband as an only child I feel it does fall on me. My mother is not wealthy and my father wasn't wealthy when he passed. So, she doesn't have the means to do it herself. She is not well enough to still work, and is on disability too. He said it was all excuses, but if I wanted to be a door mat than go ahead and do it.
By Jessie Mae Hendrickson5 years ago in Humans
Time passing unintentionally
A person will experience such moments in his life journey, through the cycle of memory, at the end of the time corridor, looking for lost memories, lost people. In the past years, stepping on the melody of the memory, it keeps spinning and spinning away.
By Amanda Fowler5 years ago in Humans
Hello, Diary. Its Me Again.
January 8th - He's not talking to me again. Maybe he is bored. I also think he is battling depression again, too, and I am miserable as a result. He went on a cleaning spree without me home which is never good. I came home to mounds of clothes on the couch when I walked through the door. I knew what I was in for. The rest of the day will be crap. No hello or how was your day. He said I want those all folded and put away. I hate when he washes my clothes because he doesn't pay attention to how they should be washed or the mixing of colors. In fact, I have begged him not to wash my clothes, but when he gets like this he does not listen. I am grateful for the help. Don't get me wrong but walking in from a long day at work to a huge pile of clothes and him barking a command makes it feel like a punishment. The message was loud and clear. If I could learn to work all day and keep a perfect house, he would be happy. He does not say this. This is just how I feel. I am so sad and broken right now. I need some hope to hang on to.
By Jessie Mae Hendrickson5 years ago in Humans
