love
All you need is Love, and Love is all you need.
Good Stock
I thought June was beautiful when I first saw her. It wasn’t until later, after I began to know her that I realized how beautiful she really was. I couldn’t handle it, I thought I could, but I was consumed with the thought that June would never really want to be with me.
By Judith Simons6 years ago in Humans
now and always
Book 3 The sleepless hollow ~ sleepless nights ~ ‘she is my unread book, my unfinished poem. She is a story I wish to write at my own pace. she is a call so strong that it demands to be complete; yet I only wish to explore her every thought, to commit to memory every curve of her skin…’ he thinks to himself as he mulls over the past busy days he had. The sleeplessness from the dreams he had rolling slowly to the back of his mind as he tries to push them away. Instead, he thinks about his bride, his wife, sleeping soundly in their bed in the other room. The moonlight casting a soft light in the shadows of their room along her pale skin.
By Sky Boivin6 years ago in Humans
Now And Always
Part Two ~chapter 1~ ~Restless Thoughts~ With her uneasy and restless ways this past week, she has also been feeling more alone. Sure, she has their daughters to keep her busy. The little seven month olds running around on their tiny legs and making giggles echo along their cottage and grounds. So she had more than enough to be keeping her busy, fear not. But, it was the sheer fact that her beloved had also been away all week.
By Sky Boivin6 years ago in Humans
Now And Always
Part One ~chapter 1~ ~that one evening~ That one blessed evening... The evening was cool and the breeze was brisk along her skin as she decided one night to hop on through an old grove portal of her ancient faye folk and head on over to Manosque, France one night. She happened upon a quaint little restaurant, and from its windows, a beautiful melody of the piano flowed out from them. Its song travelled along the air and managed to catch her attention.
By Sky Boivin6 years ago in Humans
Bitter Kiss
In a large city, where glass skyscrapers make up the sky, the smell of smog is the only scene for miles, and you do not know anyone except for the unfamiliar faces walking down the street. There stands a desolated brick building with empty windows and a broken door. Within this building on the fourth floor in a small room sits a man in his mid-thirties, through his face assumes he is much younger, his hands fold over a leather-bound book, that sits on his blanketed legs, he has chestnut hair, raging hazel eyes, and soft pink lips.
By Julie Unruh6 years ago in Humans
Legendary Poetry
Follow Me (Inspired by the perfect woman that I have yet to meet) Follow me. Follow me to wherever we may go. To places where the highs are so incredible that they take our breath away. To places I dare not go without you, as I could never fathom the possibility of going there without you. You see, I need you and you need me too.
By Legend Gilchrist6 years ago in Humans
To the heroin addict; I can't love you anymore.
I know this may come as a shock to you. Although you should’ve seen it coming from miles away. I know you never imagined I could leave you. The only thing you felt you knew to be true is that I would always be there. That even when you had nothing. No money, no place to sleep, no family and no job, that you always had me. I question since this is true why did you never appreciate me? You would think if somebody was left and hurt their entire life, if they spent over two decades searching for a love they always needed to feel whole. Going through life with their chest feeling hollow and feeling like nobody cares. And when they find out your problems and what you struggle with they leave. And don’t care enough to stay and try to help you. Like every ex who left you because you were “crazy”. When really you’re a sad, abused little animal whose been tortured by all the hurt in your life when all you needed was somebody to see your darkness and still continue loving you. You kept that dark cloud hidden for so long. Because anytime if you were close to someone and the darkness over took the sunshine and made your skies pitch black with not even the stars being able to shine through. And the storm would start flooding and lightening would strike. The person would immediately leave. Because they couldn’t love all of you. They could only love the superficial, always happy, always funny, always confident, sweetly sarcastic side of you. When there’s another half of you that’s sadly insecure and hates yourself, that questions why girls even find you attraction. A side that is lugubrious and depressed. That questions if your life is meaningful and is too tired and beaten up to make a joke let alone even fake a smile. They wanted you to be this person you made yourself seem to be. And once they realized you were deep and complex and had many layers. They would run away once the darkness was exposed. But because I truly loved you. I love you despite all of your flaws. I loved every part of you. And because of my own dark cloud that always surrounded my life. Your darkness is one of the things I like the most about you. Because just like you I pretend to be a certain person and once the clouds turn black and the sound of thunder quakes, I am also left. I am also ran from. I too wanted somebody to love me. And not just my rainbow but also my cloudy sky’s. That’s why I cherish you so much. And the year and a half we were apart all the things I did to hurt you resonated with me. I started seeing a new psychologist and worked tirelessly to overcome the things I did that hurt you. That pushed away the person who loved not just me, but all of me. My sunshine and my thunder storms. I wanted to change. Not just because I wanted to finally be a healthy person. But also because if I never changed, I’d have lost you forever. Because I never wanted to ever do the things that hurt you most, ever again. And that’s when you would ghost me and I’d say really mean and awful things to you. Telling you that you are a loser junkie and your mom sucks c*** to stay alive. All because of this deep routed fear of abandonment my parents gave me when they sent me off as a teenager and completely left me in a strange emotionally and physically dangerous place. I changed. And a year and a half later we finally reconnected. Because I had changed. And because I knew the things I did to hurt you and how it ruined us before. I wanted to do it all right this time. I didn’t want to do anything wrong or that I didn’t mean. I never wanted you to leave again. I never wanted to lose you again. Because like you I always wanted somebody to love me fully. But unlike you when I met that person, I would do anything in my power to hold on tight and not let them fall through my finger tips. Because losing them. Losing you, would’ve been the worst thing that could happen to me. Because you loved every inch of me and weren’t scared by my instability or darkness. You understood. And often we sat under the dark clouds together and listened to the thunder and sat there in the rain. We often shared our darkness, but we didn’t stop loving each other. However there has always been a difference with you. I feel it’s possible you only subconsciously realize these things. Or maybe you do consciously realize them but will never appreciate these facts like I do. When we reconnected a year and a half later after our powerful rain storm turned into a hurricane and kept us in the darkness for so long. We finally reconnected in the sunlight. I knew I always wanted that sun to keep shining. And I knew sometimes clouds would surface. But I never wanted it to get so dark that we lost each other again. And I was scared it could end up being permanent this time. For that month we spent together after being apart for so long the sunlight felt so warm. It was as if we were at the beach in Mexico. But it quickly faded. It was as if the sun turned to danger and we get horrible sun blisters that puffed up and filled with liquid. When I sensed the danger I tried to speak with you, to make things right. Because even though I knew I would do everything to never lose you again. You were not so concerned. I don’t think you even know what it is you really want. Because maybe you have convinced yourself you always wanted somebody to fully love every part of you unconditionally, the dark and the light. Somebody who takes care of you and protects you. Somebody who would do anything for you, learn and understand your demons. Somebody you could call when your head couldn’t stay above the water anymore and who would always pick up and tell you it will be OK. Someone who no matter, no matter how, would always be there by your side. You told yourself you wanted a best friend who loved you like a brother and treated you as their friend. A best friend that you felt close to emotionally but also close to physically. Somebody you could be blown away with when kissing. Because after you would kiss the fireworks would fly into the sky zipping in different directions. And you’d hear a loud booming sound as you watched all different colors sparkle and dance under the bright moon. And somebody who blows you away with their intelligence, knowledge and the fact that they are such a conversationalist, that you could talk about anything for hours. But someone who wasn’t surfaced. Someone who was also deep. You think you wanted all of these things. But you really don’t. Because when we reconnected, I tried to give you everything you made me believe you wanted. I tried to love you so much in a way that you knew was pure and genuine. And even when you slowly started hurting me again I didn’t react angrily. I explained to me you were badly hurting me. And I expected that to make you stop. Because I thought you felt the way I did. That I could never lose you again. That I was miserable and lonely for that unbearably long time we were apart. And I never wanted to feel that way again. I knew I never wanted to go back to living without you. But none of that mattered to you. Maybe it was just the drugs. Or maybe it was because you rather give your time to women who don’t really know you or even care about you. Maybe you think you want all those things I mentioned. But maybe what you actually chase and keep in your life are those who you have no future with, who wouldn’t care if you were hurt or crying. Who could never possibly really love you. And you could never really love them. Maybe you do the thing you know hurts me the most. Maybe you kept ghosting me again and now have been doing it over a month because you don’t appreciate me. And you don’t appreciate me because in reality it’s not me you want. You tell yourself this lie. You build up an image in your head. That you want to be with somebody who is like me in every sense. And you want to have a successful career. A family. A home. A beautiful life. But none of that is true. Because you do everything to hurt me, to push me away. You found out two and a half years ago that ghosting me causes me so much pain. And you do it over and over and over again. Until I’ve reached my breaking point and I get tired of giving and you just bleeding me dry. You don’t want true love. Because when you finally got all you dreamed you ever wanted you did everything in your power to make it go, to make it never come back. You just want to be inside a strange woman you don’t know anything about and look in her eyes and see nothing there. You want to let your tongue touch somebody else’s who doesn’t care if you shoot up right right in front of her. You want to text and flirt with a girl who would run away from you if they knew what your demons really were. You want to spend your days loving up on and giving attention to women who wouldn’t shed one tear or even be slightly moved if heroin took your life. All the while during all of this you are completely ignoring and ghosting me the only person in this world who really loves you and would die with you if you really did pass away from drugs. Something you say you always wanted. But now it’s clear you don’t. You will only keep me in your life and keep me around if I stop caring about you. You don’t want somebody who loves you. You want somebody who doesn’t see who you really are and would never take the time to know what it is you really need. You don’t want or cherish true love. You want meaningless sexy, empty emotions and drugs. If I could give you no meaning and make you feel an empty numbness. Maybe then you’d answer all my calls. And that is why I can’t love you anymore. Because you only want me around if I could feel a nothingness towards you. You don’t appreciate my love. You don’t cherish it. And you certainly don’t want it or care that you’ve lost it. You've left me so completely broken and shattered into pieces. That the peices have gotten so small almost like dust. That it would take so much time and effort to put them back to together. A time and effort you will never take in order to get my love back.
By Tracy Rose 6 years ago in Humans
Plucked
You’re both sitting in the car, the silence between you ringing in your ears. Beside that lamp post that reminds you of Narnia. There’s a tension in the air that you can’t deny, or ignore any longer. Tonight was the night. It’s the night you first began to realise that you’re falling in love with a real person, not a fantasy. He’s not a storybook character. He’s not some perfectly chiseled glorified celebrity that you’ll never have. He’s not the guy across the room who’s never even said your name.
By Tina Muzondo6 years ago in Humans
Stand our ground
My song “Surreal” this song here is a nice upbeat song. As listening to the song you will feel a sense like you hear what I’m saying throughout the whole song, and so not only is this song about feeling confident in a relationship but also having a sense feeling that you are falling hard for that person you are with. I know at many times when it comes to relationships people tend to fall hard well let me just say the real, well women tend to fall hard as much as the man falling for the woman. I know that as a woman it shouldn’t be that hard to fall for a person as long as their someone you can talk to, someone that is always by your side, someone whose going to take care of you when in time of need, and someone that you see yourself spending the rest of your life with. But, then you think to yourself like if you didn’t have somebody in your life to love then how things be and so to be honest you know things would be that your all by yourself living life alone, send for GOD sakes you gonna want to be alone for the rest of their life, but then you really don’t have to be by yourself because of family and so all people may not have family but you gotta have somebody to live life with or enjoy life with you know. Because only once in a lifetime your living your life to the fullest being surrounded by love ones. Never in a million chances will a person say well their life was wasted because they were left by themselves and know one really cares. As people we do have to think that when it comes to love know one can stop us from loving a person, because as soon as it hits that’s person that they more then sure love you ten times back because how long you’ve and that person being together. To think again, well, if a people don’t want to come into your life then just forget them because that their list anyway, because you know who they have in they life. An who is better then family then being alone too with because you see family will always be right by your side at all times, they are the ones who you can lean on as the person you are in your life, and so if no one else can see the type of person you are, then they don't even deserve to be in the relationship with you, because of how you are treated as the person you are, because of how they love, because love is too much of a word to come out and say because their afraid to say it or they’re scared of the word love, because they may feel like they did not get that form of attachment within their life, and so in your heart you want to show them that love is not a hurting word but it’s a word that is so dear to women for a man to say and so the word love can also be express to women as in confidence to say he loves you no matter what and you see that’s the problem and so love is what this song is all about as to women and as it is to men. Nobody can ever take a person love for one another, never take love for granted ever.
By Chelsea Gary6 years ago in Humans
He asked me to leave the room so he could shoot up.
It was the second day I saw you. As I had just seen you in person for the first time yesterday But you still asked me to come back the next day. I was wearing a pink floral Michael Kors dress that hugged my curves and flared out at the waist. I did pick this dress out carefully unlike the first time I saw you. Although you did ask me the day before “How long did it take you to pick out that dress”. I said “I was already wearing it when I decided to come”. I then smiled shyly and told him how it was my favorite dress and I would have worn it either way. I guess that was your way of telling me it looked good on me. Which felt sweet at the time, until it became a consistent thing. He would never just come out and say “You look beautiful”. It was always “check you out” and possibly a cheesy lyric. I wore my hair in a bun almost that whole summer. Not just because I had an awful hair cut that I was anxiously awaiting to grow out. But also because I knew you liked the hair in a bun and hoop earrings look. I tried to be beautiful enough. That’s all I wanted was to be beautiful enough for you. So vividly in my head in deep rich colors, I see your silhouette emerging from your apartment stairs. Your blonde hair was neatly parted and gelled to the side. Your hair is such a beautiful shade of blonde. A few shades away from being considered light brown. But theres this golden tint to it that keeps it in the blonde family. In the summer it becomes lighter and almost looks like it is gold. Pure and rich. Dazzles when the light hits it. You were wearing a basketball jersey. And I won’t even tell a lie, I do not remember which NBA’s player jersey it was. If I had to guess probably Carmello Anthony. The thing I remember most is the tattoo on your upper right arm. I remember you saying you placed it there due to your former career in finance. One of the things I find the most sexy about you. I question if you wore that jersey on purpose, did you want me to see your tattoo? It’s in black ink and some sort of snake mixed with a tribal tattoo. The black ink illuminates through your skin because then tan doesn't start until a few inches from where your T-shirt sleeve would fall. The jersey is matched with these blue shorts that I’ve seen you wear in photos before. I didn’t care much for them. Or really the jersey in that matter. I just loved the way they hung onto your body. As you walked down the stairs I look lustrously at your long slender body slowly arrive at the drivers side door (because you always drove) and you got in. The immediate smell of cinnamon mixed with musk filled my nose. And drove my body into a craze. I took one look at you and gulped. I was like a cartoon animal with her eyes bulging out of her head and her jaw on the floor. I strongly remember looking into your eyes and seeing that you were still there, you were still the same person. The day before I thought you looked completely different. But as I stared at you I saw you there for the first time. I looked into the ever so slanted but wide ice blue leonrado Dicaprio eyes that made me lust after you for so long. Your eyes are so wide and clear, clean, blue. And when your big icy blue eyes look at me all sad I feel like I could melt. You make me soft. And nobody else does. You have this very adorable yet sexy look to you. It drives me wild. I didn’t want to be obvious or too straight forward. So I said “your hair looks nice today”. My female body parts were beating like they were running a marathon in the New York city heat. He looks at me and says “Thanks I used my shampoo as hair gel”. I was trying to control myself and block at the screeching voice that was towering it self in my head “I WANT TO F*** YOU, SO BADLY RIGHT NOW” and trying to be subtle and relaxed. We go into your apartment and I ask you to help me carry in all the pounds of food I brought you. At the time you were unemployed and in active addiction. I just wanted to make sure you were fed. There were chocolate nut bars from Costco, yogurt, the small baby bell cheeses that are wrapped in wax along with some other things I can’t remember at the moment. The prize possession that I brought that night was the Italian chicken cutlets I made. You started eating them and said “You really made these?”. I told you yes and you asked me to make them again next time I saw you. And of course I did. Believe it or not I haven’t cooked one thing since he left me later that fall. I couldn’t bring myself to make anything because all the things I would make for myself are all the things I would make for him. Just another painful memory I tried to erase. I asked you were your bathroom was and you pointed to the door. I went into the bathroom. I remember this bathroom so distinctly. It smelled of wet towels that had been sitting too long. And on top of that the door doesn't close. He said it was because of the heat. But maybe it’s because I have been used to living in large 5 bedroom, 5 bath colonial with an in ground pool and a clay tennis court. I do my business quickly and as quietly as I possibly could. Thank god it was just pee. Imagine the horror if I suddenly had to s**** and the door doesn't close. I walk out of the bathroom with the thought in my head that I’m being cutesy. Until I glance down at my hip and see my dress was stuck in my UNDERWEAR. I quickly remove it and still to this day I question if you noticed. But knowing who you are now there was no way in hell you would’ve said anything or even came up to me and fixed my dress. It bothers me that he’s a sexual deviant and sleeps with random women he doesn't know in McDonalds bathrooms but he never tried to sleep with me. His excuse was that he was “sick”. But he’s been sick for years, he's a heron addict. He f*** many different girls after we broke up multiple times while he was “sick”. I try not think when we fell in love and how he’s slept with so many different women and not with me in that time frame. It makes me so emotionally ill I feel like I could puke. The real truth is, that I was the only one who was in love. I haven't slept with anybody since the moment I fell in love with him. It’s been two years. I say to you “Isn’t it crazy we are here right now, together in person. It feels weird doesn’t it?” And he says “What do you mean Tracy, Are you saying you don’t like me anymore”. And truthfully he was half joking but also half honest. I should’ve never told you I wasn’t attracted to you the night before when you texted to make sure I got home safely. You put your new treats in a ceramic bowl and ask if I want anything. Funny thing to that is, it’s the first time you’ve ever offered me anything and it’s something I paid for. We go into your bedroom and sit on the bed. There’s a moth buzzing around your room. You're trying to trap it and make it fly out the window. You see the moth flying towards the light bulb in the ceiling. You then ask me the dumbest and only dumb question you’ve ever asked me “Are moths attracted to light”. Mr. Know at all didn't know one of the most well known things about certain flying insects. I was slightly turned off by your stupidity but I answered “Uhh yes, did you really just ask me that question?”. However the light theory was not helping you to kill the mouth so you picked up this huge STYRO foam shaped tube to try and annihilate the moth. However instead of killing the moth you wack me over the head and laugh. I say “Hey!” and touch my head daintily with a cute sour puss on my face. You grasp the firm tube and angrily wack at the moth. Finally the deed is done. You sit on the bed and eat your food. We are sitting and talking and the whole time I’m wishing he’d try to snuggle me. But we just continue sitting up right inches away from each other. For two people that love sunggling, we never got to full on snuggle. Just one of the top ten things on my list that I never got to do with the person I loved. The list that constantly eats away at me. Snuggling, check. Make love, check. He always needed to cop loosies off of people because he needed to save all his money to buy heroin. My light pink Tory Burch slides are at the side of his bed. He promptly walks over to them and comedically says “Do you think I can fit into your shoes as he attempts to try them on”. I laughed and and said “No way your a foot taller than me”. Which it’s actually ten inches but close enough. We are walking down his block and stop at the light to turn towards the bodega I took shelter in from the rain the first time I was here. Two men are walking by us and he meanders his way over and politely asks if he can bum a cigarette. The man says yes. He was an average build man, brown hair on the shorter side. I decided to show off my sales skills a little and ask the man for a cigarette too. Of course he said no. Why would he give two people who seem to be boyfriend and girlfriend a cigarette. And I used some easy sales line along the lines of “Come on, it’s one less cigarette. All you’ll have tonight is one cigarette less. And that should be nothing for a guy like you.” He then obviously says ok and gives me the cigarette. I turned to you and hand you the cigarette pridefully. He says “I don’t understand, don't you want this cigarette?”". I told him of course not, I don't smoke. I was getting it for you and I knew he wasn't going to be able to say no to me. You seemed amused and I hoped more attracted to me. Men tend be attracted to my aggressive nature. We cross the street and walk back to your apartment. You sit on the steeps as you light your cigarette. I start talking about Long Island and how one day I’d like to buy my own house there. You exclaim that you hate Long Island and would’t want to live there. And I smirk smugly and say “What do you think is going to happen?” And he knew I meant that I was certain we’d be together and obviously he’d have to move to Long Island because thats were my real estate business is. He just smiled widely and didn't say anything. We start talking about people who are married for long periods of time. I believe it started with talking about his Dad. He makes a comment about marriage and says “Well people who are married for thirty plus years, one of them usually ends up cheating”. I said “So you would cheat on your wife?.” He try’s to back track and say no. And this was just another red flag I decided to miss. I’m probably one of the most loyal people to ever exist. And he’s cheated on me in so many different ways. I was too blind by my emotions to realize that he had been telling me all along that he’s a cheater. It's a apart of who he is. We go inside and sit back on the bed. We talk some more and what I believe to be the saddest part of our relationship happens. You then with no hesitation at all say “Can you go into the bathroom so I can shoot up”. I ask him are you crazy? I couldn’t believe this request. However it was only the second day and I hand’t even realized I loved him yet. But I knew I cared for him deeply. His dad is the only other person in his life that loves him either than me. And to be honest I know I love him more than his dad ever will because his dad told me he wishes him dead. So I say “Would you ask your dad to do that?”. He says of course not. But I was wishing for him to see the correlation and understand that I care about him just as much as his father. He pouts his lip into a slight frown and widens his big blue eyes and makes them all morose and says please in a child like voice. I’m very certain it's the cutest face I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Babies aren't even that cute. Unfortunately for me I couldn't say no to the face. And the part that comes next will forever haunt me. I can’t stop beating myself up for it. I become washed over with humiliation and guilt. I say fine. I get up and I say my back hurts. I question if I heard him correctly to this. But I thought the words that came out of his mouth were “I’ll give you a massage, don’t worry”. I heard the words and thought about them a lot even 2 years later. And I tell myself theres no way he said that. Because after that night he never made one sexual advance to me other then the very one time we kissed. I dreadfully walk into the bathroom. I remember this moment like it was yesterday. I remember not crying. I remember not feeling guilty. I remember sitting in the bathroom and letting him inject himself with lethal drugs as I did nothing. Everyday of my life I want to time travel to that Tracy and yell “What are you doing?!”. Why did I ever agree to go into that bathroom. I left the bathroom. Not because I felt guilty. Or because I wanted to stop him and throw his heroin down the toilet. But because I just didn't feel like waiting anymore. A shameful feeling I will never let myself live down. I open the door but he wasn’t done shooting up and he says “Fuck, I missed my vein.” It’s time for me to go home at this point, so he walks me to my car. He starts complaining that he missed his vein. And I say some sort of facetious remark along the lines of yeah, I’m supposed to fell sorry for you? He nudges me on the shoulder and calls me a jerk. I nudge him back. We arrive at my car when he says “Wouldn’t it be funny if I made you find your car on your own and told you goodnight and locked my door”. And I giggled and said “No that would not be funny”. I lean in and wrap my arms around him. He in return wraps his arms around me. I hold him tightly, so tight that we are rocking back and forth. Because of our height difference when we hug my head fits perfectly right in his chest. And no feeling in the world can compare to how safe and warm I felt nuzzling my head into chest, just above his rib cage and inches below his neck. It was the most perfect spot for my head to fit. It felt like our bodies were made for each other. As if when we hugged we fit together like two puzzle pieces. Hugging him was my favorite part of our time together. The feeling of just pure bliss and safety. He would pull me in and I’d squeeze him tight and lay my head right in the same spot every time like memory foam and I wish those hugs could’ve lasted more than a few minutes. I always wanted to hug him and he always teased me for it. Tears started running down my check as I wrote this part of the story because I would honestly give anything to hug him again. To lay my head to rest of the part of the puzzle that it fits in to the point of perfection. We rock back and forth until you almost lose your balance. And you say “I’m going to fall”. But I tell you I don’t want you to let go. I really didn’t. But he carefully let go and kisses me on top of my head for the first time. He tell ’s me to drive safely and text him when I get home. Something he always made sure to say after he kissed me goodbye. 2 years later I’m rewriting all these memories. I realized I loved him too much in a way he would never appreciate. He stopped texting me good morning and calling me on the phone and calling me Tray once he started seeing how much I loved him. He then started ghosting me again and purposely ignoring all my texts. It didn't matter to him that ghosting me is what caused so many fights or made me cry myself to sleep, that it's the worst thing you could do to me because of my BPD (fear of abandoment). It triggers me in a way that he never cared to understand or even considered to. The only thing that ever mattered to him was that he could do and say anything to me and he thought I would never leave him. A sarcastic remark he'd always make that I could never walk away. Which in a greater sense meant that I loved him so much that it was so hard to leave even though my mental health was suffering. A feeling he never appreciated from me. The more he knew I loved him the more he hurt me. I now know he would’ve never left if I would’ve loved him less.
By Tracy Rose 6 years ago in Humans
Diary entries to a heroin addict.
October 21st 2018 I don’t know how I should feel. I don`t know if this is all my fault. Or all yours. I go back and forth from being angry at you to being sorry. I question myself do I really love you. Is it just lust? Do I just need to f*** you? But when we are together there is no place I`d rather be. All I can think about in that moment is that I`m with you. I don't know. I could f*** you and its been about that the whole time. But theres the danger of me f****** you and falling madly in love with you. I`d never be able to let go of you. I know I can`t see you anymore. not until I’ve moved on. I’m too obsessed with you. It`s not an even power between us. I want you to learn what it is to miss me. I`m not going to completely walk away from you. We can text here and there. I don`t want you to relapse. I want you to know theres someone who cares about you and wants you clean. I have to focus on getting to my goal weight. Our fighting would make me binge eat and gain weight. I need to continue my happiness and lose this weight. And maybe in that time you’ll miss me. I don’t think you`ll do anything for my birthday, thats gonna hurt after everything I’ve done for you. But we all know you’re just very self centered. I want you to grow and be more mature. Handle yourself as a man. You act very childish still. And I see myself always acting childish in response. But thats not me. I’ve definitely matured as a woman. I want to be with you. You’re just not the man I need right now. Every day gets a little better than the day before. I know I`ll be OK. In reality I’ve been so happy without all our fighting.
By Tracy Rose 6 years ago in Humans
Her.
The autumn breeze gently moved her hair to cover her back as we got out of the cab to walk to the venue. She looked back and waited for me to catch up with her. Her black dress showed off her shoulders and long, curled hair which she spent at least two hours on at home.
By from the moon6 years ago in Humans
