Sometimes I Just Feel Like Giving Up

Man, I need a miracle. It feels like life has me down by 33 points in the 4th quarter and I have no freaking clue on how or if I can get back in the game. My apologies on the lame ass sports analogy but lately, I’ve just been so down in the dumps that I’m barely making it through the day.

Yep, it’s been one of those time periods in life where anything and everybody sucks and just when you think things couldn't get any worse, they somehow do.

It’s gotten to the point that I’ve started questioning my very own existence in this world and looking to "the Big Guy or Gal" up in the sky for a sign.

You know, I’ve heard that when you're at your absolute lowest, that’s when one appears at your door and I have to say that there’s a lot of merit to that anecdote.

After a few weeks of wallowing in self-pity, I received a sign that has completely turned around my entire outlook on my life.

The only thing is that my sign came to me in the form of a dream. 

This morning I was sound asleep after battling through a series of mental hurdles for the past few weeks when I had another visit from my dear ole' granny once again.

This time, my brother & great aunt were also tagging along this adventure with us.

My brother and I were getting ready to take them to the bank. 

It was around 9 am on a Monday morning and it had to be in the peak of Winter from how how my aunt & grandmother were dressed.

My aunt wore her long, brown coat while my grandmother had on a long-sleeved dress and a blueish jacket that once belonged to my late grandfather.

We were escorting them to the car which was parked beside the brick mailbox when my grandmother told me that she "didn't feel like walking into the bank today." 

Then she took off walking down the street when all of a sudden, two dogs appeared of out of nowhere and began barking at her and swaying around her dress very aggressively.

She was shooing them away but they were some persistent SOB's and kept coming back. 

I hurried on over when the bigger dog came after me next. 

I believe I had some sort of weapon in my hand which I was able to back him down with.

I wasn't looking to use it but I wanted him to know that I meant business. 

I motioned for my grandmother to come on over to me so she could get behind me but she refused so I came to where she was. 

By the time I got there, she was further down the street. 

I'm thinking to myself, "what the heck is going on," so I headed to where she was standing only to find out that she was gone as were the dogs.

I looked down on the ground and I didn't see any signs of a struggle. There was not an ounce of blood or torn clothing anywhere to be found.

I even checked down both streets she had passed on her walking excursion and didn't see her anywhere in sight.

I decided to walk back to where my brother had parked the car and asked him where she went. 

He told me that she said she was tired and that she was going back inside the house and heading upstairs to go to sleep and that's when I woke up. 

I started thinking about what that dream was all about it and then it dawned on me. 

The dogs symbolized adversity and no matter how bleak things might appear to be that I'm not in any danger just like my grandmother wasn't. 

Also, her not wanting my help was her way of telling me to stop trying to control everything and to let go and everything's going to work out for the better. 

It was some much-needed advice considering that I had been going through some serious mental turmoil over things I have no control over for the past three weeks. 

I really don't know where I would be without you, grandma because you've believed in me at times when I had no belief in myself.

Thank you for the love and advice, grandma. I certainly needed it. I love you and I'll see you in the next dream.