SHENANIGANS! Part 1

I’ve decided that once a week, I will take a bunch of random journal topics and just answer them here. I will call this weekly article SHENANIGANS! I will do thirteen questions total and it will be on a variety of topics. These will all be chosen at random. Some of the topics present here are sensitive issues so let that be a trigger warning. I’ll try to be delicate. Here we go!

Write about something that you could never get tired of.

Such a lofty question. There are many things I could never get tired of but then I’m ADHD so I develop hyper fixations on many things.

The first thing that comes to mind is my beadwork. I make earrings and necklaces mostly but sometimes I try to do other things like keychains or those little things that hang on the rearview mirrors. I love putting beads on a string. There is something so oddly satisfying about it.

I bead a lot, but I also take lengthy breaks because sometimes I get overwhelmed with my projects. Or I have too many beads and I know I need to organize them but instead I just leave them lying on the table.

My beadwork is not just some hobby; I feel like it is an art form too. Most of my stuff has a story and I’ve thought about creating mini stories around these pieces, but then I worry about coming off as too pretentious.

What is your most cherished possession? Is it’s value monetary or sentimental?

One of my most cherished possessions is something that I no longer own. It was a glass dragon that my brother gave me years ago.

My brother used to be an addict but he has been sober now for nine years. During his addiction one year, for my birthday he got me that glass dragon. I was quite touched by it because I would go long stretches of time without hearing from him. It was rough. My brother and I have always been close so for him to be going through something and to never hear from him or see him was panic inducing.

However, during his addiction, he was able to pick out a cool gift for me for my birthday and it meant the world to me. My eyes are welling up with tears as I type this because the dragon is no more.

When I lived in my old apartment, the landlord was having all the windows in the building replaced with better ones. I was at work when the construction guys entered my apartment. They never told me when they were coming so I had no idea when or how to prepare. Anyways, I used to have this floating shelf of knickknacks on the wall. While they were changing one of the windows, they knocked the shelf down and broke the dragon. I came home to a mess of glass (they didn’t even clean it up). I was livid. They offered me two hundred dollars to replace it. I took it, but when I went into business to get my check, I told them that two hundred dollars wasn’t shit compared to the sentimentality that was attached to that dragon. I don’t openly cry in front of other people but I was straight up crying as they offered me apologies and a stupid check.

If I remember correctly, I ended up using the money either to buy my nieces shoes or to take them out for a movie. It felt weird spending it on me so I spent the money on others. I still get really bummed out when I think of that dragon.

Would you rather have more time or more money? Why?

I hate questions like this because no matter how I answer, I’m probably going to sound stupid.

If I was asked this question when I was younger, I probably would say more money because it would help me with my debt and then I could help out the people around me, and maybe actually afford a fucking house.

However as I age, I realize that time is passing me by quickly so I’d rather have more of it. And not more time to make better choices. No, I’m going to make bad choices regardless. I want more time to do stuff. More time to finish my art projects. More time to clean my house. More time to write. More time to do more of the things I love. And maybe less time to do work for the capitalist machine.

But why stop there? I would want more time for my mother to be with her parents. I want more time with friends that I no longer have. I want more time for my family to pursue their dreams. Time is a manmade construct; I want to live by the light of the sun.

If a stranger observed you in public for 15 minutes, what impression do you think they would get of you?

You better run if I catch you observing me like some animal in public for 15 minutes.

I hate being watched. I absolutely hate it. I work as a language teacher and in order to get to where I am in this department now, I had to have my mentors watch me teach preschoolers and I find that I make more mistakes under someone’s watchful eye than I would if it were just me.

Plus, it’s rude to stare. You won’t learn much about me from staring, aside from the fact that I’m fidgety.

If you could rid the world of one minor annoyance, what would it be?

Capitalism or politics. I feel like ridding the world of one would also rid it of the other. The only people who would complain are people who are in a vastly different tax bracket than I am.

I know people are thinking “but if you get rid of either of those, the world would fail and it would be catastrophe!” Good. I love a good disaster.

I apologize (not really). I’m a cynic. My ancestors were damn near exterminated via colonization and now the world is screwed up. Took them only two hundred years to do it. It’s sad.

I don’t think people should have to pay for food. Or housing. Or water. I think that’s ridiculous. I don’t think we are meant to spend most of our lives toiling for profit so that we can afford to live. I would much rather live off the land and do art. Instead, I have to earn a living so I can live in my mold-infested house. Yay.

Are you an analytical or emotional person? How does this impact your life?

I think I am both, but it’s more amusing when I’m emotional. Trust me.

I feel like this is a question that should be asked of the people who know me because I can’t really pick one. I am very closed off emotionally, but when something affects me deeply, I become fueled by emotions. And because of this, I have made some poor choices in my life. I have also gotten in trouble.

I try to close off my emotions and be analytical and I think this lends me to being viewed as a coldhearted person. Oof.

Write about a time when you took a big risk that ended up paying off.

Literally, nothing is coming to mind for this one. And that’s not because I don’t take risks; it’s just that they don’t pay off.

I think the biggest risks I ever take is submitting my writing to various contests. I never win. It’s a risk that never pays off. Now I have all these dumb stories clogging my computer and no audience for them. Maybe someday I’ll upload a few on Vocal. For shits and giggles, of course.

Write about a time when you did something that made you feel like you were in a movie.

What the hell kind of life do you think I live? I am not an interesting person by any means. Nothing I’ve ever done in my life has resembled a movie. I wish I were more adventurous so that I would have something to write about, alas, I am boring. I don’t fall in love (I’m ace aro). I am not a globetrotter (I’ve never been outside of the states, except that one time I went to Canada with my parents as a kid). I’m an introvert. My circle is small.

If my life imitates a movie in any way, it’s a psychological thriller because I’m mentally ill and I sometimes feel like someone is watching me. Spoiler alert: I’m always right. But it’s usually my cat. It’s still unnerving the way she studies me…

Write about one way that your life is different from how you imagined it as a child, and one way that it is the same.

As a child, I never thought that I would still be dealing with the aftereffects of being sexually abused throughout my childhood, so there’s that!

I don’t talk often about my history of abuse because I don’t want others to be uncomfortable. Nevertheless, when I was younger and these things were happening to me, I remember imagining to myself that someday, things will be better, you’ll have your own life and your own house and your own rules, and you won’t have to suffer with this shit anymore.

Thusly, this is also how it is exactly the same as how I’d imagined it as a child. I do have a house (it’s not mine, I’m renting it but still…), I have my own life and my own rules, but I am still suffering through the abuse inflicted on me.

If a group of people had to describe you in one word, what do you think they would say? How would this differ from the way you describe yourself?

Watch out, I’m about to show you the full force of my low self esteem.

People do not notice me. Therefore, they would not describe me in any words unless our paths directly merged (do you like how that kind of rhymed?). This is different from the way I describe myself because I think I’m pretty fucking weird.

You’re going on vacation. Are you the type of person to go see all the sights or to spend your days lounging at a resort?

Well, I won’t be vacationing so long as I have to wear a mask on my face because we’re still living in a pandemic, but in the before times, I usually traveled to different states to see my favorite bands play. I enjoy sightseeing but I needed, at the very least, one day of being completely lazy in my hotel room. I’m on vacation. I want to be both a lazy piece of shit and an active asshole.

When was the last time you treated yourself?

I treat myself often. I bribe myself often.

I told myself that if I could finish this article before a certain time today, that I could buy myself a new book that will linger on a shelf for years, becoming covered in dust before ever being touched to be put on another shelf with other books I bought but haven’t had the time to read yet.

What is your favorite time of the day?

I love the way it feels when it gets dark, regardless of the season. I love dusk. I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.

I feel like night’s are when I’m more energized and able to get shit done. I’m more inspired and more creative. I am not like that when the sun is burning high in the sky. If anything, the daylight is a stake in my heart. It makes me want to nap. But at night? Well, nighttime is for medicine women.