She Wasn’t Perfect, But She Was Mine

It is said that love deteriorates over time, similar to how old photographs lose their color.

But love never goes away. It changes. It conceals. It lays low. It also occasionally walks away, not because it wants to, but because it has had enough of being watched.

She was not flawless. In the mornings, she always had her hair in a mess. She used to sing out of tune while cooking, and she would five times a day forget where she kept her phone.

Even when we were in a restaurant, she would cry during sad movies and laugh too loudly at her own jokes. But she loved quietly.

Not with big statements, hashtags, or bios that match. She showed her love by acting. through the manner in which she recalled my preference for coffee. by the fact that she never failed to inquire about whether I ate, even when she was angry with me. She held my hand under the table when I was anxious in public and it showed. And me?

I was deaf. I was preoccupied with chasing an imagined concept of the "perfect relationship." I believed that love had to resemble Instagram. like matching hoodies, surprise proposals, luxury vacations, captioned photos, and matching hoodies I missed the tenderness in the smallest things.

She always waited for me to get home before eating, which I didn't notice. how she came to know every one of my friends' names, even the ones she didn't like. How she silently accepted my forgiveness whenever I hurt her—without even apologizing.

We disagreed one night. I even have no recollection of what it was about. Something foolish. Something minor. However, I remember her subsequent gaze at me— not enraged Not down. Simply tired. That was the night that she experienced a heartbreak. First, she stopped texting me. ceased laughing at my ridiculous jokes. ceased checking to see if I'd eaten.

She began preferring silence to conversation. Her eyes, which were once so warm, became hard to read. I observed. However, I did not fix it. I assumed that she would eventually return to "normal." She did, but one day she didn't. She arrived early at her house, unpacked her belongings, and stood in front of me.

She said, shaking her voice, "You want someone perfect," Then go look for her. However, don't look for me if she doesn't love you like I did. She then vanished in a flash. No drama. No last kiss. You can't go back. She continued without my intervention. I stood there frozen, thinking she was lying. However, she never returned. Days went by. I kept looking at her last seen date. deleted lengthy texts that were typed. looked at her pictures to see if she appeared content. She did so. She at least tried. And me?

I stayed in the same room, same house, and same mess. I am puzzled as to how I have lost someone who once gave me her entire world. simply because I was blind enough to miss it. Now that I think back, I realize— She was not flawless. However, she was mine. And how much she cared for me? Never again will anyone. Because she took something from me that will never come back when she leaves. You can learn to love from some people. You can learn from some people how it feels to lose love. She?

She did both.

Note this ↓

If you've ever lost someone you loved more than they loved you— Read this once more. Also, do not hesitate to say, "Now I see you. I'm sorry I didn't earlier.