She Was My Almost — And That Hurt the Most

Chapter 1: Her Smile Wasn’t Perfect — But It Was Mine

I met her during a rainy day in Dhaka — the kind of rain that slows down everything but makes you feel alive. She wasn’t the prettiest girl in the room. But when she smiled, it looked like someone lit a candle in a dark room.

Don’t you hate the rain? she asked.

I replied,

No. It hides tears well.

She didn’t laugh.

She just looked at me like she understood.

And from that moment, I was done for.

Chapter 2: Coffee Shops and Unspoken Promises

We didn’t have a first date.

We had a first conversation that lasted 3 hours in a roadside cafe.

We talked about everything

Her love for sunsets, my fear of goodbyes, her habit of writing letters she never sent, my poetry that no one read.

And before I knew it, we were meeting every day.

Same café. Same seats. Different pains.

She’d say,

You feel like home, but I’m scared of homes. They don’t last.

And still, she stayed.

Chapter 3: The Almost Relationship

We were not lovers. We were not just friends. We were something in between, something painful, something beautiful.

She never let me hold her hand in public.

But she cried in my arms when her dog died.

She never said "I love you"

But she knew my mother’s death anniversary, and texted me at midnight to say,

She’d be proud of you. We weren’t dating. But we were everything.

chapter 4: My Heart, Her Silence

I wrote her letters every week — never gave her one. Because I was scared. Scared that if she read how much I loved her, she’d leave.

Because some people run when you show them how much they mean to you.

And one day she said:

Why do you always hold back?

I looked away. Because if I don’t, I’ll fall too deep. And I don’t know if you’ll be there to catch me.

She didn’t reply.

She just stared, her silence was louder than my beating heart.

Chapter 5: The Night She Almost Said It

We sat on her rooftop. The city lights blurred. Her head on my shoulder. My heart is racing.

Can I tell you something? she asked.

Anything, I replied.

I think if I ever lose you, it’ll break me. But I don’t know how to have you.

And just like that — she shattered me without meaning to. I looked at her, whispered,

I’m already yours.

She looked away, tears in her eyes.

She almost said “I love you.”

But she didn’t.

And I didn’t ask why.

Chapter 6: The Departure

Then came the offer. A scholarship abroad. New city. New life.

She told me last minute.

Like ripping off a bandage.

You’ll forget me, she said.

I smiled, holding back everything inside me.

You forgot to love me first. That makes it easier.

She hugged me — tight, trembling, silent.

Wait for me… if you can.

And she was gone.

Chapter 7: Falling Apart Slowly

Days passed.

I stopped going to the cafe.

Stopped writing poems.

Stopped smiling at sunsets.

I checked my phone like an addict.

Her texts became shorter, then none at all.

And I realized

Sometimes people don’t leave with a goodbye.

They leave with silence.

Chapter 8: The Letters I Never Sent

I wrote 17 letters to her.

Letters that screamed: Come back. Please.

But I never sent a single one.

Because I knew, She had moved on. While I was still stuck in the pages we left unread.

Chapter 9: Her Wedding

Years later, I saw a post, her in a red saree, mehendi on her hands, smile on her lips.

And a stranger beside her.

Not me.

I didn’t cry.

I just sat silently.

And whispered:

I hope he holds you tighter than I ever could.

Chapter 10: Our Story, Never Told

She was never mine. But every part of me still belonged to her. I loved her in ways she never knew. I held space for her in my silence, in my dreams, in my poems.

And every night, I whisper to the stars,

I hope she’s okay.

I hope she remembers me.

Even if I was just almost her.