Scene 15

My observations throughout life on how we behave; everyone is coming from a place rooted in anger, hatred, and spite—similarity in this regard, people's vulgarity towards others is the only thing I know. And the one thing that has never made sense to me was why. We all like to think we are good people and never give malice to someone else on purpose, yet Susan is still gaslighting you. Brian still has never dated anyone weighing over 90 pounds, and Sierra is still bullying you while promoting her love-thy-neighbor poetry. Don't get me wrong, I am no exception.

Nothing is more vital than human connection, and nothing else is weaker than human connection. Perhaps, that is also what's destroying us. Broken hearts, broken trust, and manipulation embedded within our society for so long, does anyone have a chance at trusting someone? The strong did not build the United States culture for the fragile, and evil prevails daily. It's hidden down our alleys, in our allies' faces, and even within some families. I grew up in the generation of people wanting to be better but never taking the time to understand what that meant. Absent rooms and people cowering from their traumas unleashed a silence I've never heard before. People are hurting others for fun, taking advantage of the sweet, and honestly never taking responsibility for their development or even failures, only pointing fingers and spreading dirty rumors to see who can save face first. It's exhausting, and being the youngest out of everyone around me, growing up fast was expected, and making fun of people as a comeback was the way of acceptance, which can be wittier, and I won most of the time. My sister got the short end of my mom's stick. She always wanted us to be together, and me not wanting anyone, period, created a wedge. Do we talk? No. Grudge speaks louder to my sister no matter how many times apologies are issued. The feeling of poison dripping down her throat somehow feels better.

We love being nasty and, if diagnosed sociopath, them a little more than the last doe. I have met some and thought I was one, but not in the way of killing physically but killing mentally and shoving emotions down their throats before they ever get close to mine. A defensive case only holds up so much in court before you have to take responsibility for your actions, eventually. Incredibly, if guilty, I have changed, and as for some others, I know who has. Nevertheless, what about those who never? Ever? In their defense, you can't find that level of comfort anywhere else except to clinging on to old ways. When all else fails at the end of the day, you have your morals no matter how fucked up they appear to others. Being a caregiver too long allowed me to experience every kind of generational value from the '20s to the '60s—even a 105-year-old man who could still see and walk by himself. Just pushing buttons was hard, but he knew the Johnson era better than anyone I've met. So it stuck with him, and in turn, he turned out better. Furth more, nothing beats the woman who yelled at me for 10 minutes because the Jews ruined her freedoms, and that was somehow my fault. It puts things into perspective, but, bottom line, people, love being this way.

Within our brain chemistry, somewhere in their selfishness overshadows all else, and the feeling of dopamine starts to stem from the rush of treating people so poor. Anger issues certainly don't help. Those neglected boys from my generation are the ones with no values or within the understanding of what "no" means. It's not taught, and the example was to push Mom around cause they could. My household was just the opposite. My Dad some days never stood a chance, so he took a vow of silence. He wanted the family, and I feel bad that most of us are fucked from previous conditioned behaviors. The key to breaking this cycle of subconscious trauma we impose on people is to identify our habits. What have we been doing wrong and currently so because of something learned? Everything works together always; monkey-see- monkey-do but only if the brain is healthy enough to get along. And more often than that, we are all more neurodivergent than we want to believe.

It's stolen candy to say be kind; however, it is just that simple. We all have a story, learned behaviors, and quirks to make us be how we are. The key is understanding yourself and understanding others. I've always hated the saying, "treat others how you would want to be treated."

I like, "treat others how they'd want you to." Ali Ryerse.

We are all different and should never be under the assumption we all want the same. I want my hair pulled and my face licked, but you don't see me doing that to others. The same goes for everything else. Walk a mile in someone else's shows and see if you can still find the audacity. Please don't get my words confused with murder's thugs and thieves. Nothing deserves to be placed in the same box, and always observe the situation. And remember, none of us are perfect, just a little less shitty than the last person.