Relationship Failed Doesn't Mean Failure

When a relationship ends, we often find ourselves in the dumps trying to put ourselves back together again. Our heart is broken, and we are left to figure out what to do with the rest of our lives. The plans that we once had are broken and so is our heart. We feel like a failure and the whole world is going to end. We no longer enjoy the things we used to, and the future looks bleak.

Then we have the what ifs running through our head. The I should have known, but I couldn't break it off. Why didn’t I listen to myself? Then the mighty big one what is wrong with me that I couldn't keep the relationship together. If only I did this my lover would be with me. What if I promise I will do all the things he/she said he wanted that I couldn’t provide? Maybe just maybe I would be happy again. The pain of a relationship ending is devastating. We often feel we would do anything to escape from the agony.

Let’s face it rejection is hard to take. At the root of our being we want to be loved and accepted for who we are. When we allow ourselves to vulnerable into the intricacies of our being in a relationship and our partners leaves it all behind. It denies our basic human need to be loved. In our heads we tell ourselves we aren’t good enough to be loved, why can’t I be more this or that, what is wrong with me? The answer is there is nothing wrong with you and you deserve to be loved as you are.

The problem lies in we get into these relationships thinking it will be forever and all too often this isn't the case. The television, magazines and books growing up show us this living happily ever after fairytale to live up to. The reality of relationships is the divorce rate in the United States is 50% and relationship failure rate is 90%. Therefore, you are bound to have a failed relationship at some point in your life. All too often this scenario brings us to feel like a failure instead of accepting that every relationship in our life ends at some time. I know this is a hard truth. If you think about it though a relationship of any kind will end when one or the other dies, we lose touch, the fork splits in the path of life or someone rejects us all together.

This for me brings up the question. Then why do we put so much weight into our intimate relationships? I personally think it is due to the perception of what a relationship is all about. Most think a relationship is about having someone by your side for the rest of your life. That one person who will finish your sentences and have your back when no one else does. Really this is a misconception. A relationship is about learning and growth as a human being. This person learns some of your most inner workings. They bring out some of the worst and best in you. Hopefully, best more than worst. Although these worst aspects are places for growth to happen. Doing what a relationship is exactly supposed to do. Help us grow. Without someone so close to us some of our deepest inner workings would not come out for growth.

Our partner also, helps us grow with their positive influences. Due to liking these aspects in the other we mirror their behavior and bring these positives into other relationships in our lives. Where others pick up on them and adopt them as their own. The negative aspects help us to stick up for ourselves, create boundaries, be patient and learn what works for us and what does not. Therefore, if you are in a relationship start to look at it as a learning platform to make you and your partner a superior person for the world. Viewing a relationship from this viewpoint helps the world instead of being a self-serving partner to be there for you the rest of your life.

If you are hurting from an ended relationship. Remember a relationship does not define you or your worth. When you lose someone, you love. Take the lessons learned and turn yourself to a more enlightened person for the world to grow from. With this being said a relationship ending is really a beautiful beginning to new growth and better life ahead. Like a lotus flower growing in the murky pond.