Raven

I felt so exhausted, after a long battle. I had never been so scared in a battle in my life. And I wasn’t scared for my life. I couldn’t care about my life, when the girl I loved with everything I had, life was in danger. I was so scared. Because I had been with her at the beginning of the battle, because we had been training when it all started.

She had fought beside me and back to back with me for a while. But then something happened. She had been separated from me. I was so scared that something had happened to her. I wanted to so badly go off and find her. But I couldn’t. I was stuck fighting off the remainder of the creatures attacking us. The whole time, my mind was on her. Which nearly cost me my life. And I would have gracefully handed it over, but not unless she was dead first. Because if she had to survive, then so was I.

The moment I saw her, my heart literally leaped into my throat. I wanted to run to her. To make sure she was ok. But I had to remain professional. I was her teacher and nothing more. But as much I was relieved to see that she was still alive, it broke me to see the state she was in. She had scrapes and bruises. But that wasn’t the worst of it all. The worst of it. The worst of it, was seeing her in an emotional wreck. She had been crying to the state where she was just staring into nothing. I wanted to know why she had been crying. I needed to know. But at that time, I couldn’t. I had to report back to the officials.

It was hours later when I found out why she looked the way she did. It was because her best friend had been killed and she had seen it happen. I wanted to comfort her, oh, did I want to. But I couldn’t.

Hours after the battle. Twelve hours, exhausted on my feet. We were trained to stay on our feet for hours. But after the battle and worrying if Raven was ok, reporting to the official’s and having meeting after meeting, made me weary. But I couldn’t rest. Not yet. I had to pack and get ready to leave to go back to Russia.

After I was packed and had a shower, I thought I would go for a walk and see Raven. I thought by now the headmistress would have spoken to her by now. It was an excuse to see if she was ok. I hadn’t spoken to her since yesterday morning. She had been so happy then. She was happy, she told me because her best friend was going to follow his dream at being an actor. I thought it was great and all, but I didn’t see past being a Guardian. It was what we were raised to be. What we trained to be. So, I didn’t get why he would just want to throw that away. But for her sake, I pretended to understand.

Her room was across campus, so it took a few minutes to get there. There was a few Guardians around scouting the place. And me being here, they wouldn’t have thought anything odd by it. Only because I was known and respected as a respected Guardian. They valued me. They saw my potential.

But I didn’t care. I walked passed them and kept going until I reached her door. And then I didn’t hesitate and knock. It took a bit for Raven to open the door, and when she did, my heart broke. She looked terrible. She hadn’t cleaned herself up. And I had to do something. And so, I didn’t think. I pushed my way inside her room, closing the door behind me, making sure it was locked.

‘How are you?’ I whispered.

I did not expect her to squint her eyes at me. I’ll admit that I thought she would have thrown herself at me. Make me hug her. So, that’s what I did. I went to hug her. But when I did, she pulled back. That wasn’t her at all. She always liked my touch. I tried to not let it get to me, I had to keep thinking that it was because she was hurting.

'Has headmistress Kirova spoken to you?' I asked.

All she did was look over to her computer desk, to show me that she had packed a bag. But she hadn’t said a word.

'Raven, you need to get cleaned up.' I tell her. It didn’t do anything, but made her sad eyes harder. 'I will help you.'

I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the bathroom. I turned the taps on and then pulled her into the water. It made her glare at me. But I couldn’t allow that to affect me right now. What was important right now, was to make sure Raven was cleaned up.

I didn’t take her clothes off. I could have but I didn’t want any unwanted visitors to see that I had seen her naked body. Which I haven’t. But I didn’t need it on my record. So, I walked out of the bathroom and searched her cupboards for something to wear. I found a pair of tights and a sloppy Joe, I also grabbed a clean pair of undies and then went back to her. This time I found her without her clothes. I was glad that she had taken her clothes off, because that means she could have a proper shower.

'I brought you some clothes.' I tell her. But she didn’t even flinch or look at me. She was beginning to really worry me. 'I’ll be out side if you need anything.' Again, she said nothing. So with a sigh, I turned and walked out.

I checked her bag, to make sure she had everything. And I found it looked like she had just thrown things into her bag and that was not her. She was usually a neat and tidy girl. She had to have things right. And if they weren’t, then, well I’ve seen her lose it. So, seeing this, it has definitely scared me.

I didn’t bother to fold it. Because I didn’t want her to know that I had been through her bag. Though I did chuck in a few jumpers and more jeans. I was much like Raven when it came to being clean. So, I so badly wanted to fold the things I had placed in her bag. But again, I couldn’t and it was hard. Because I didn’t want her to know that I had been in her bag.

Once I was done, I sat on the edge of her bed and waited for her to come out. At one stage, I thought she wasn’t going to come out. But I didn’t go in. I just waited until she came out. She had on the new clothes I gave her, and I was a little relieved to see she looked, at least cleaned up. But the look in her eyes, it broke my heart. She was hurting. The pain in her eyes, it was as if she had lost her soul. And I guess, I understood why it had affect her so much. It was because her friend that died, they had known each other since they were in nappies. She had no one else but her friend, growing up. Her parents had dropped her off here at the Academy and haven’t seen her since.

‘Sit on the chair.’ I tell her, not meaning it to sound like I was demanding her. But seeing her in this state, was affecting me.

I was glad that she didn’t try to fight me. Which, on a good day, fighting with me, I always thought she liked to do. She always had to fight me on everything. And it was so damn frustrating. She could be the most infuriating and frustrating girl. But I loved her. I loved her so much, that seeing her like this, was breaking my heart.

I wanted to brush her hair. Because I thought she had the most beautiful jet black hair. It was so long and silky. I wanted to brush it for her, because I knew deep down, she didn’t want to ruin her hair. I knew for a fact that she her hair was her best part of her. I loved her hair. But it wasn’t her hair that I thought was her best part of her. I thought it was her eyes. They were so blue, they glowed. And then her lips. They were nice and full.

‘I’m going to brush your hair and then I want you to lay down.' I told her.

But I saw her eyes change. She was scared to sleep. And I didn’t know if it was because of the battle she had to endure. Of it was because she could see her friends death all over again. I so wished that I could help her. Comfort her while she slept. But I couldn’t. It was against the rules to be this close to a student. Hell, I shouldn’t even be in this room. I guess, I will deal with the consequences later. If, I get caught.

'It’ll be ok. I will sit on this chair. I will protect you, Raven.' I tell her.

It broke my heart to see in her eyes that she didn’t believe it. That she doubted me. But it was true. I would give my life for hers. And I thought she knew that. I guess, losing her best friend, her life long best friend, I guess she has lost the ability to believe in anything good. But I was going to show her. If it was the last thing I do. I was going to show that there was such things as beauty in this ugly world. We were just unfortunate to be born in this world full of monsters, that humans weren’t aware of.

I hated this world. And often more times than not, I found myself grudging the lifestyle I had. What I was born into. But then I remember that not everyone is gifted like me. Gifted with the strength and speed and the endurance that I had. So, it was up to me, if I liked it or not, to protect the ones that couldn’t protect themselves.

I had brushed her hair and then braided it. I thought she would have at least teased me, about how I knew how to braid. But she didn’t. She still hadn’t said a word. Why? It was so hard to see her like this. But saying something to her right now, I don’t think it would do her any good. I just had to bite my tongue for now.

Afterwards, I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards her bed. In the meantime, her hand was limp in my hand. That was never her. She would always grasp my hand tight. I knew she had strength. I often thought she had better strength than most of her class. Most of the professors here. But what she showed me now, it was like she had nothing. She was weak, and maybe she was still exhausted from the battle. But I didn’t believe that. Because, what we were, we could become exhausted, but we never lose our strength. It’s always there, waiting for the next fight.

So, maybe it was because she was hurt by losing her friend and she didn’t care about things anymore. I hope that wasn’t true, because I didn’t want her to stop caring about me. I knew she cared about me, we have had many temptations. She has also told me of her feelings. And she knew of mine. I should be glad that she didn’t care about me. Because we shouldn’t care for each other, it was against the rules at the Academy. As me as a teacher and Mentor and Raven as a student. We both could get in trouble. I could lose my career and maybe go to prison. I didn’t want to imagine what could happen to Raven.

I’ve tried to stop my feelings for Raven because it would be better for the both of us. But I found it impossible. No matter what I did, it was impossible. I even tried to see my ex girlfriend again. But the whole time, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

I laid her in the bed and pulled her blankets on. She instantly rolls away from me, I couldn’t help it hurting my heart. She was so distant right now. But I didn’t say anything. Instead, I sat on the chair and just watched her. And moments like this, I wished that I could read her mind. I’ve never wanted to read her mind as much as I have wanted to read it now. But, Raven, for some reason I have never been able to read her mind. It was only hers that I couldn’t read. Some minds I wished I couldn’t read. You couldn’t imagine what some of the teacher thought about the girls at this school. Those were the minds that I tried to ignore. Though sometimes, they were too loud, that I couldn’t.

I couldn’t wait to leave here and go back home to Russia. Because I didn’t have to try so hard and keep Raven away. I wasn’t going to turn what we had into a relationship. I couldn’t do that, because we were eventually going to have to come back here. But I was going to be able to comfort her more. Just be there for her, for whenever she needed me.

I just hoped it was enough. I hoped she was going to open up to me. Understand that I was there for her. That I was there to protect her. Know that I would do anything for her.