Quieting the Storm: The Mental Model That Helped Me Stop Overthinking

Overthinking has been my most loyal — and exhausting — companion for as long as I can remember.

It sneaks in quietly, disguised as “being prepared” or “being thorough.” But before I know it, I’ve spiraled down rabbit holes of endless scenarios, what-ifs, and worst-case possibilities.

If you’ve ever lain awake at 2 a.m. replaying a conversation or mentally scripting a hundred possible outcomes for a simple situation, you know exactly what I mean.

For me, overthinking wasn’t just an occasional bad habit — it was my default mode. I overanalyzed text messages. I dissected every decision. I replayed mistakes like they were on an endless loop.

It was exhausting. More than that — it was paralyzing. I found myself stuck, unable to move forward because I was too busy spinning in circles inside my own head.

I thought that was just who I was — an overthinker, an anxious mind trapped in a cycle I couldn’t escape.

But then, something changed.

And it all started with a conversation I had with my mentor, Daniel.

Daniel is one of those people who seems almost unnaturally calm. Nothing seems to rattle him. He approaches challenges with quiet confidence, never rushing, never spiraling. It’s like his mind operates on a different frequency than mine.

One day, after yet another bout of sleepless nights and overanalyzing a small work decision, I finally admitted, “I don’t know how you do it. I can’t stop overthinking. It’s like my brain never shuts up.”

Daniel smiled — not condescendingly, but with the knowing look of someone who had been there.

“You know,” he said, “I used to be the same way. Until I learned a mental model that changed everything.”

Of course, I leaned in.

“It’s called The Circle of Control,” he explained. “It’s deceptively simple — but powerful. It helps separate what you can control from what you can’t. And when you focus only on what’s inside your control, the noise starts to fade.”

He grabbed a piece of paper and drew two circles — a smaller one inside a larger one.

“The inner circle,” he said, “is your Circle of Control. It contains everything you have direct influence over — your actions, your words, your attitude, your effort.”

“The outer circle is your Circle of Concern — things you care about but can’t directly control. Other people’s opinions. Outcomes. The future. The past.”

I stared at the simple sketch, feeling a spark of clarity flicker in my tangled mind.

“Most of us,” Daniel continued, “spend our energy fixating on the outer circle. We worry about outcomes we can’t control, other people’s reactions, things that haven’t happened yet. But the more energy we spend out there, the less power we have to influence the things we actually can control.”

It sounded almost too simple. But something about it resonated deeply.

That night, when my mind tried to spin its usual web of overthinking, I paused. I mentally drew those two circles.

Was this worry inside my Circle of Control? Could I take action to influence it?

If yes, I focused on the action. If not, I practiced letting it go — not perfectly, but with gentle awareness.

It wasn’t magic. My overthinking didn’t vanish overnight. But slowly, consistently, this simple model started rewiring my mind.

When I worried about what someone thought of me after a conversation, I asked: “Is this in my control?” No. But how I showed up, how I communicated — that was.

When I stressed over a job interview outcome, I asked: “Is this in my control?” Not the decision. But my preparation, my effort, my attitude — absolutely.

Day by day, the Circle of Control became a mental compass — guiding me away from the endless spiral of overthinking and toward grounded, intentional action.

And here’s the thing I didn’t expect: as I focused on what I could control, I felt empowered. Less helpless. Less anxious. More present.

My relationships improved because I wasn’t stuck guessing other people’s thoughts — I simply communicated openly.

My work performance improved because I poured my energy into preparation instead of paralyzing self-doubt.

And perhaps most importantly, my mind became quieter. Not silent — I’m human, after all. But quieter. Calmer. Kinder.

I still overthink sometimes. Old habits die hard. But now, I have a tool. A model. A simple, grounding reminder that helps me find my way back to clarity.

The Circle of Control didn’t just help me stop overthinking — it taught me a new way to live.

One rooted in presence, action, and peace.

Moral / Life Lesson:

Overthinking thrives when we fixate on what’s outside our control. But when we shift our focus to the small, powerful circle of what we can influence — our actions, our choices, our mindset — we reclaim our energy, quiet our anxious thoughts, and create real, meaningful change in our lives.

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Thank you for reading...

Regards: Fazal Hadi