Put Your Faith Over Fear. True Intimacy Brings Peace To Your Life

“Fear is the great enemy of intimacy. Fear makes us run away from each other or cling to each other but does not create true intimacy.” ~ Henri Nouwen

Practicing true intimacy with someone is a beautiful experience to be enjoyed. The thrill of being deeply seen heard and known by another human being is an indescribable feeling. Intimacy fills our souls with joy and takes away our loneliness. Why then, are so many people afraid of intimacy?

It’s not the intimacy itself that people fear. There are two things that cause people to avoid being intimate with another person.

Fear of rejection

Fear of being hurt.

These are legitimate fears. However, spiritually and emotionally grounded individuals don’t allow those fears to prevent them from loving or being loved. This may not have always been their situation.

But it is now because of their connection to the Creator and their relationships and lives provide clarity for them on a daily basis.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re cautious, but they’re not afraid due to their wisdom. There is a big difference between the two. Cautiousness is about taking things slow in an effort to find out if the person can be trusted with your heart and secrets.

“When you plant seeds in the garden, you don’t dig them up every day to see if they have sprouted yet. You simply water them and clear away the weeds; you know that the seeds will grow in time. Similarly, just do your daily practice and cultivate a kind heart. Abandon impatience and instead be content creating the causes for goodness; the results will come when they’re ready.” ~ Thubten Chodron

Cultivating anything that’s meaningful should be laden with good intentions and practicality. Fear is not allowing yourself to experience the joy of getting close to someone.

This is not healthy. This type of avoidance in a relationship leads to loneliness and a lack of emotional and spiritual growth.

Being in a relationship is one of the best opportunities for growth spiritually and emotionally. But if we don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable and let someone be vulnerable with us, we deprive ourselves of these possibilities.

Keep in mind, spiritual and emotional growth is not just about prayer, study, and self-awareness. They’re about having the strength to trust our choices because we trust Him, and having the emotional fortitude to contribute to another person’s growth.

It’s about knowing our own worth through having faith in God. The intimate partner He created for us brings peace, which enhances our existence. However, he or she doesn’t define our reality.

So whether the person is present or absent, we still cultivate our connection with God and are complete human beings because of it. With that being our reality, what do we have to fear with regard to intimacy? Unless of course, we’re carrying baggage from the past.

If that’s the situation, we really need to unload that baggage. We do that through prayer, consultation with sober-minded people, and reminding ourselves of our worth in God’s Eyes. This does not mean that we will like rejection or being hurt if they happen.

“Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships.” ~ Harriet Lerner

What it means is, we don’t allow fear to prevent us from opening up to another person when we’ve observed that we can. Look at it this way. As spiritual people, it should be no problem for us to speak up for ourselves, to not allow others to smother, dominate, and control us.

With this strength of mind and heart, we will never lose ourselves in a relationship. We would rather walk away than allow someone to take advantage of us.

Why? Because the strength God has given us, coupled with our own self-respect, won’t let us settle for anything less. So put God first. Experience all of the beauty a loving relationship offers, and don’t be afraid. If it ends, then, just do what Usher said, “Let it burn.” It will go away and you’ll still be whole.

The Better Relationship Guide For Work, Life, and Intimacy