PRAZANYA AND SMARIKA

PERSPECTIVE 1

Yesterday, I bumped to an old friend of mine. I met him in a coffee shop after quite some time, and he felt the same—same way of talking, same way of biting his lips when he listened. How long had it been since we last saw each other’s smiles opposite one another? Six years.

People change a lot in six years.

Each of us had been in three different chaotic relationships, though now I guess he lied about his “three” relationships—I think the number is probably higher than just three. He had become a different person (he was way too unbearable six years ago). I’m so glad I ran into him in that coffee shop; it turned out to be both of our favorite spots in the area, though we hadn’t managed to run into each other until yesterday.

It had been a while. Things were different now. Updating him about my life was nearly equivalent to updating life to myself.Someone from past can really make you reevaluate yourself ,almost like a mirror.I realized I had been so caught up in the past that I wasn’t really living in the present. I was constantly stressing about “what ifs” and “might haves.” I felt drained—or at least, I felt as if I was drained. I realized that I was hopelessly in love with a guy, and then I realized that guy would never like me back. I said something like, “Someday, I will find a guy who is willing to accept my quirks, just like I am willing to accept his." The guy that i like he isn't perfect;he just sincere, determined, and a little self-absorbed. If we ever date, he will be the one who leaves me—not the other way around.

Then my friend replied, “Is this the same Smarika who kicked a guy’s ass just because he didn’t accept her proposal?”

“Prazanya, I was six years old then! Plus, I felt a little bad—why wouldn’t he find me cute? Wasn’t I a cute little child?”

“You sure were. I always liked you, you know.”

Then I smiled because Prazanya was the first person I ever held hands with. I wondered if bringing up that topic would be appropriate, so I just decided to smile and pretend I didn’t hear the last six words that came out of his mouth. I was happy, but it could have been a temporary feeling. We hadn’t met in so long, and there was certainly some fondness between us. But should we get carried away by it? Absolutely not—especially not when it needed thought and consideration.

We had other interesting conversations after that, and when he dropped me home, we shared a warm hug.Suddenly, my ten-year-old self’s dream of hugging her crush had finally come to life.

PERSPECTIVE 2

Yesterday had to be one of the best days of my life. I MET Smarika—THE Smarika. How could she just bump into someone like me? I was in total shock when she approached me; it was as if the world was frozen, with everything motionless except for her steps toward me. But isn’t it always like that with me, when it’s her?

After a solid six years, I saw those three moles on her left cheek again—the ones that form a “therefore” sign. Oh god, how much I had longed to see her.

“Prazanya?? What a great surprise!” she exclaimed. Meanwhile, I was speechless, but I was glad. When it’s her, you don’t really need words; she goes on and on about life, her philosophies. If you’re an introverted guy like me, a person like Smarika will keep you entertained. She speaks so fast, sometimes it’s hard to keep up. Half of what she says often feels like gibberish, almost like the chatter of a toddler. I liked her too much to ever forget her.

Amidst the conversation, she mentioned a guy she’s been talking to, and even though I had no right to feel anything, it felt as if my heart shattered. It just did. I lied to her about my previously failed three relationships; does she not realize I could never be with anyone but her? She’s the coolest person, and she doesn’t even have to try. If she ever knew how much I really cared, maybe she’d think of dating me. Is it my fault I can’t move on from her? Or maybe it’s her fault for being so perfect.

I saw my reflection, I saw myself still tethered to the memories and feelings and I saw her completely moving on with her life.

It looked like she really liked him. I have no idea how she perceives me or what she thinks of me. I wondered if I was disturbing her when she thought of having coffee alone. Was i thinking too much? or Was it because I liked her too much? Does she care about me? Did i ever run across her mind,ever in the past 6 years?

After two hours of "good" conversation,I walked her home and hugged her goodbye. I wish the hug had lasted a little longer; I wish I had texted her over the years; I wish I hadn’t left school. I wish—yeah, I just wish she had turned back before locking the gate and going inside, leaving me here on this lonely road where, just a minute ago, a boring ass guy like me had the company of a girl who made everybody see bright colors when they saw nothing but grey. I like how unpredictable she is. She cracks the lamest jokes—jokes that don’t make any sense—but you laugh because her laugh is infectious. She doesn’t even complete the joke because she starts laughing in the middle and just doesn’t stop.

She said something about accepting the quirks of a person you love, and I questioned myself: would anyone ever accept my quirks?

My biggest quirk is that I will always love the girl whose hands were the first hands I held.