Phoenix Rising Abusive Situation PSA Series #1

When I am bored with life, I troll the Reddit forums to really get in touch with my own depravity.

Thankfully, Reddit is the place you can go to learn that, in fact, you're downright normal when compared to some of the psychos out there. It's also a great place to find fodder for compiling useful information about human behaviors, like abuse.

Today, I'd like to talk about financial abuse, as this type of abuse gets overlooked quite often. I have a few examples of red flags that you might want to be on the lookout for.

Example Number 1 isn't Abuse exactly - But It IS A Very Red Flag - Or Rather - Several Red Flags.

In the image above, example number one of Financial-Fuckery hangs, the very first line says: "I feel like I'm about to get flamed, so throwaway." This is a powerful indicator that this guy already knew the answer to his question. He just wanted another jerk to validate his narcissism and unappreciative behavior. Remember this the next time you hear someone start a conversation with: "Not to sound like a jerk..."

Lets start with Red Flag Number 1:

This man is aware his gf doesn't drink alcohol, so he already knows her meal will be cheaper than his ALWAYS if he decides to drink. He knows his girlfriend would never spend that much money on her meal but he STILL decided: Oh well, that's her OWN fault. She could have gotten something on her birthday. It's not my fault she doesn't drink.

In this dudes mind, it's obviously okay to take advantage of her by buying so many alcoholic beverages that it basically DOUBLES the amount of money she would have to pay. And anyone who thinks it's okay to double the amount of money that you would ever pay for them, with NO regard to your own financial well-being, that means they do not care and they are only taking advantage of you. This dude does NOT love his girlfriend. By the end of the passage, you can tell she's ONLY there for his convenience.

Red flag number 2: And this is a BIG one.

This man thought that drinking 8 expensive drinks at a restaurant was okay, on her dime. Not only did he think it was okay to take advantage of his non-alcoholic drinking girlfriend on his birthday, but he did not consider that $310 is a LARGE chunk of change these days in America. And by a lot of money, I mean you might be able to pay your electric bill and half your water bill with that amount. That is the amount of money I spend at the grocery store to feed my family for a little less than 2 weeks! $310 dollars is EASILY worth 2 weeks of food here in America. And instead of going: "OH! Crap I did not realize I had spent that much, I know its my birthday but let me cover half of it," like a decent man and partner - he just thought, oh it's ONLY $300, and it's our tradition, and "her own fault for agreeing to UNLIMITED."

Now for the doozy, sanguine colored flag that is the size of Texas!

He acted like he was at a bar. And excuse me, sir, you weren't drunk at 8 drinks? What are you? A fucking whiskey distiller? How do you have the tolerance to drink EIGHT drinks and have the AUDACITY to say... "I wasn't drunk." Clearly this man is a raving alcoholic; I don't need to know him in person to see that. My mother has been a borderline alcoholic all of my life- and even SHE can't handle 8 drinks! That is RIDICULOUS!

That's a good enough excuse to end the relationship right then and there- and it SHOULD be. Life with an alcoholic effin SUCKS. Life with addicts of ANY sort EFFIN suck. They are all monstrous abusers to their loved ones, whether they mean to be or not. Leave the addicts alone, sober people, and I am saying this from REAL life experience on my own part: You CAN NOT save them, they have to save themselves, and you will ONLY be drained of all of your life and joy and money, until you finally wake up and realize they will NEVER change because THEY DO NOT WANT TO.

Oh...maybe I was wrong. Maybe THIS red flag is the biggest:

This man also said: "It's my birthday. It's not fair that I can't enjoy myself." You can't enjoy yourself without being drunk, my dude? You are physically incapable of ENJOYING an outing with your girlfriend? Do you not love her? Or are you just one of those pathetic people who think fun HAS to include enebriation, because if you're not drunk, you're not enjoying yourself? Is your girlfriend incredibly boring, or do you think she's ugly? You MUST get drunk to have fun with her? And then at the end of all that, "you weren't even drunk after 8 drinks." Again - another sign that YOUR GIRLFRIEND DESERVES BETTER THAN YOU.

Deep Breaths.... Deep Breaths.

I normally try not to judge sick people with real problems, but my loser methhead-cocaine-xanax-snorting ex said the same thing. "I should be allowed to enjoy myself, just because I'm with you doesn't mean I shouldn't get to have fun." This man got high from the minute he woke up to the second he crashed for 3 days of sleep. Every day was like this.

I think I got him clean off of everything but weed and his prespecriptions for a total of 4 months, before he decided being sober sucked and went back to his bullshit. Which is why I am so unforgiving of him- I did have him clean and sober. He was gaining weight, he was feeling healthier, he was getting out of the house,

The FIRST thing he did was roll a joint and crush a pill to snort - every day. He was physically incapable of existing without being high. He once licked a xanax I had crushed on the ground at a work conference I went to in Washington D.C. I already knew he would embarrass me in front of my colleagues, but I was not about to have him go into one of his xanax crashing episodes. The devil comes out, and his hands have a way of trying to strangle people when he gets to that point.

So I did something that almost got me hurt - I let him watch as I dropped the pills to the ground and crushed them into the concrete under my foot. The fact that he was pathetic enough to lick the dust off the sidewalk was sickening, and that moment opened my eyes to everything. I left him for good soon after. Especially since he lunged at me, eyes wide with hatred, and he got in my face and SCREAMED about me crushing his Xanax... right as a bunch of rich colleagues were passing by us.

Later, my boss sought me out, worried. Word had gotten to him about what happened, and he asked me if I was okay. When I told him I was fine and handling the situation, he looked at me with this... look of shame and pity. Like, I was the most pathetic human he'd ever met.

I left my job after that conference because I was too humiliated to face my colleagues again. That's what drug addicts and alcoholics do. They ruin people's lives, especially the lives of the people who love them the most.

Recently, my ex was on the front page of the newspaper, having had a 6-hour stand-off with the police holding an AR-15 after threatening and chasing his parents out of their house. Thanks to his psycho drug-snap, our local police department was given upgraded equipment, including better guns. I had left him 5 years ago, and it made me sick with sadness to think his parents are still allowing this nonsense to happen in their house.

The Takeaway Of This Article For Phoenixes Who Feel Like TLDR: Do not let anyone take advantage of you - especially your partner.

Your romantic partner should be PROTECTING you against those who would take advantage of you. If they take advantage of you, and hurt you financially, and see nothing wrong with their actions, then you deserve better.

If you are a sober Phoenix who does not like to get high or drink, do not date people who do things like this regularly. And honestly, lets be real: Getting drunk EVERY weekend is STILL too much in a partner when you are not a partier. Even if it's only two days out of the week, every week. You will begin to resent them and wonder why you can't just have a weekend when you are sober and in love still. Why does it HAVE to include alcohol, or weed, or whatever it is?

Find somebody on your level when it comes to partying, drinking, or anything. You want someone who matches your vibe and NOT only accepts you, but RESPECTS you.

That being said, it IS possible to work out a relationship where one does not drink and the other does:

I'ts called RESPECT. It's LITERALLY that SIMPLE. If you drink but your partner does not, but you take the effort to respect them in their space and be on their level, then it could work. My husband enjoys a good whiskey neat, and I don't usually partake. He does it very rarely, maybe on a special occasion (though I will do a very fruity, pretty cocktail too sometimes). He always checks in with me to see if I am comfortable with him doing it. I have no issues with him drinking a glass of whiskey, ever. But I love that he respects me enough to check in with me.

Someone who TRULY deeply loves you and cares for you will not take advantage of you financially. Nor will they gaslight you into thinking that it's your OWN fault you had to pay that much and they didn't, "because you COULD have done it too." Anyone who makes you question yourself and your morals isn't good for you.

If they do not concern themselves with your situation the same way you concern yourself with theirs, you need to find someone better because that ain't the one, my little bee-vomits (honey-I'm referring to honey).

And remember - you deserve someone who loves AND respects you.

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