One Of The Remarks Of My Past Mentor That Opened My Eyes On Arguments And Debates

Throughout our life, we come across different life-changing moments, that defines your future. It might be a meeting with a person, a small chat with your friend, sharing a cup of tea outside your university campus, reading a book, watching a film or drama, anything.

The defining moment can trigger a positive spark (or negative beats). But, for the rest of your life, when you realize the impact of the direction, you will recall the moment that triggered it (if you know what began it, of course). If it impacted you positively, you would love yourself for having the moment, for sure.

And, this story is a short narration of one of those defying moments that happened to me.

The story

One of the coworkers used to perform as my coach (and mentor) in one of my previous organizations. One day, during our lunch break, we were discussing other aspects of life, things happening in the city, and so on. Both of us were sharing stories, and one of the topics was arguments with others.

All of a sudden, he asked me, ‘Suppose you are having a conversation with a person, and the person is an idiot. S/he is not understanding the context, not listening, not ready to look into anyone’s perspective. A person, continuing her/his speech with utter stupidity and ignorance, What you should do?’

I said, ‘Of course, I will try to suggest that person with appropriate direction, showcase the context in different ways, engage other people in the discussion so that we can come to the point of discussion.’

He said, ‘Hmm! But, he is not listening to you, and whatever you are saying, he is defending with incorrect logic and full of utter stupidity. What you will do?’

‘Guidance, in some way, perhaps!’ My puzzled answer reflected my confused state.

He smiled and replied, ‘At that moment, you have to stop arguing with that person. If you have the option of doing nothing, do nothing at that moment. If you don’t have an option, then just listen, do not overreact.’

‘Because when you are debating with that person, you won’t be able to escalate the understanding of that person to a logical level by your knowledge or, by the support of other people. But, that person can continue to push the argument. They will bring you down to their level and will win the argument because they are master in that level, and you are just a novice in that arena.’

Reflections

And, I’ve seen reflections of that remark in my life countless times, like the following ones.

One of my classmates was discussing with me on religious cast system, and at one point, he commented that it was for the betterment of society. After some initial logical reasoning, I felt that it was going to a heated discussion. So, instead of pouring more oil in the fire, I excused myself and sent a handful of documents, links, religious books, and asked to speak with his friends to talk about it. I believe that worked because he never mentioned the benefits of the cast system again.

A debate with a car driver, who bumped his vehicle onto mine from the rear-end. He was arguing that it was my fault to stop suddenly, for that he couldn’t stop abruptly. I stopped in the signal for more than 15 seconds, but he couldn’t stop behind because of his car’s high speed. I didn’t continue the discussion and let the police show the back-end video camera footage that recorded the incident.

A one-to-one session with the line manager, when he was pointing out again and again why I couldn’t connect with some designated accounts in the last two weeks, although I had repetitively told him that I was on leave for those weeks. Once he escalated it to a Senior Manager, I simply communicated the email communication & leave-days record to reconfirm my standing (and automatically confirm the line manager’s extraordinary understanding level!).

How it helped me personally?

Initially, it wasn’t easy to remain calm during the discussions. I had an urge to correct, which lengthened the debate. Once I could start to embed this advice in my life, it helped me a lot on different levels. In short, adhering to the remark in your practice will help you on:

• identifying the scenario when to continue the conversation and when not to,
• reducing your anger level, if heated up during the discussion,
• identifying the related steps to justify your viewpoints for a later time,
• saving your words, effort, and time.

Many arguments are unavoidable and difficult to ignore, but this viewpoint helped me for a quiet way-out rather than continued heated discussions.

I also understand that the ‘levels of stupidity’ is debatable (considering a blurred line between stupidity, ignorance, and logic). For unintentional ignorance or knowledge, there is some room to be considerate. But, intentional ignorance is a different case. So, by not participating against the absurd logic (or the absence of logic & proof), you will be doing yourself justice.

My wife felt it too!

My wife adopted a similar strategy in several arguments with me (yes, everyone can act stupid in numerous cases of their life). And, later on, she showcased and logically described why the side I was taking was wrong.

End notes

Adhering to this remark will smoothen your life in many areas, for sure. It’s not about winning an argument. It is about to remain logical and to act calmly to bring the best out of both.

You will feel the difference in the pathways, for sure.