ONE LAST HOPE

In everyone’s life, there’s usually one person who’s always there through every stage and situation. That person could be a sibling, a family member, or a best friend. For me, that person was my best friend, Rae. Our journey to becoming best friends is its own story. Rae was my neighbor, and since my parents worked, they would leave me at her house, even when I was just a baby. She was my babysitter, my caretaker, and eventually, my best friend.

The age gap between us is over 10 years, she's much older than me, but she never made me feel that difference. She took care of me like I was her own, bathing me, feeding me, and looking after me. As I grew older, our relationship evolved into a deep friendship. I would go to her house every day, sometimes even staying the night. I became a part of her family just as she became a part of mine. Even when she went on to higher studies while I was still in primary school, we didn’t have many friends outside of each other.

Rae was the one who taught me important life lessons. She was there when I came of age, showing me how to use napkins. She taught me to dance, which has since become a favorite hobby of mine. She helped me discover my interests and even shared her love for art. Though she couldn’t attend college because of her family’s financial situation, she started working and managed to impress everyone with her many talents, even without formal education.

Our families often went on summer picnics together, which became one of my favorite memories. When she was a teenager and I was still a child, she would share stories about boys. stories I didn’t understand at the time but can now recall with a smile. Back then, even if I didn’t quite get it, I was always there for her when she needed someone to talk to.

We lived our lives peacefully and happily, even though both of our families had their struggles. We were in our own little world, but I always knew Rae struggled more. I saw her at every stage, and while I didn’t know how to fix things or offer solutions, I was always there to listen and share her feelings.

Then, one day, everything changed. Her mother decided it was time for her to get married. A proposal had come, and despite Rae’s reluctance, her mother insisted on the marriage. At that time, Rae was just 19 and already working. Out of pressure from her mother, she said yes, but deep down, I knew she wasn’t interested. My mom tried to convince Rae’s mother to reconsider, but their minds were made up. The man she was set to marry was 30 years old, and this was his second marriage.

The wedding took place, and for the first three months, everything seemed fine. But after the marriage, distance grew between us, and it broke the bond we had. It affected me deeply, but I knew it was even worse for Rae.

The man she married began to physically and verbally abuse her. Rae’s own family refused to take her back in, saying that once a girl is married, she belongs to her husband and his family. It was heartbreaking to see someone so close to me suffer, and I felt helpless watching her endure such pain.

Her marriage broke her in many ways. Two years after the wedding, on my 15th birthday, I received a call from her mom. Rae had committed suicide, that she hanged herself. I was in the middle of my final exams when I heard the news, but I couldn’t process it. Not a single tear fell from my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I refused to see her because I didn’t want to remember her like that.

It took days for me to fully comprehend what had happened, and even now, I still struggle to accept it. I can’t understand why she did it. I don’t know the reasons behind her decision. Even now, I talk to her. I talk to her every day. Whenever something good or bad happens in my life, I make sure she knows. I cry to her because I still need her in every stage of my life. No matter what.

I’m still angry at her for leaving me. I’m still angry at myself for not being there when she needed me the most. I apologize to her every day, saying sorry that I wasn’t there for her during her hardest moments. But in some ways, I believe she replies. I trust that she can hear me. Even though she isn’t physically with me, I have faith that her spirit is by my side, guiding me through every situation and every decision I make.

I really wish I could go on one last summer picnic with you, Rae.