Nowhere To Go

As us Canadians are going through a very terrible time, things can go from bad to worse in less than twenty four hours. I watch breakfast television and CTV news daily, and so far 2020 has been a very depressing year. From me being locked up here at CNCC and the stress about my friends and family around the globe, I constantly worry about their well being. By me being incarcerated doesn't mean I am "Safe" from Covid-19 or from any other dangerous and deadly things. YES I understand that there is really nowhere for inmates to go but behind walls and locked doors. Just here alone at CNCC there has to be at least a thousand plus inmates here, and if covid-19 makes its way in the building its going to spread like wild fire and it will kill many people. I really hope I am out of here before shit hits the fan! I should be if everything goes well. A month and a half away I will be walking out of here. Time can't go by any slower....I really hope from now till then everything goes well and I can walk out of here first thing the morning of June 7.

The Coronavirus disease ( Covid-19) was first reported from Wuhan, China, on December 31, 2019. The first confirmed case of Covid-19 in Canada was announced on January 25, 2020. When did I first feel the affect from this outbreak? It was a quite afternoon, and I was stretched out on my bunk in my six by nine cell. It was day three of being Locked down in our cells and for myself I was feeling the cabin fever and I can just imagine what everyone else on range was feeling. Hours pass by slow most days in there especially on this specific afternoon, staring forcefully into the ceiling drifting in and out of reality and the occasional shut eye. That afternoon you can here a pin drop, it was so calm and peaceful which is rare, but those relaxation and comfortable feelings were stripped from me in a heart beat.

Thunderous banging and clashing rose me from my position in my bunk, causing curiosity in myself and brought me off my bunk to the door to my cell, which consisted of a hatch that was at hip height and straight above that was my window that offered a blurred view due to the scrapes and damage done to it. That afternoon the hatch to my cell was kept open and the noise from the commotion flooded my cell like a storm, the entire block shook and sounded like a stampede of buffalo crashing its way with nowhere to go. Loud shout outs from all around me, "The world Is Coming To an end!!", "Were all going to DIE", "We are never getting out of here!" At that exact moment I felt fear run through my entire body. No matter how tough a man can be, the fear and confusion can turn some of the strongest guys into the most vulnerable weak individuals ever. As the tension all around me grew, everything started to change drastically and my time behind bars got a lot harder.

The prison systems were not prepared to face the challenge of the pandemic, especially the place I called Home for a few years. I couldn't believe I was in the position I was in and didn't know which way t0 turn. I don't think anyone did. Days and nights continued to pass and the more and more I felt like an inmate. The news and social media was increasingly making things worse, and the tension in our range was growing furiously then one evening it all changed.

A rumor of a riot can really stir things in a blink of an eye and that's what happened. Before I knew it the complete facility went on total lockdown and there I was again segregated in my cell for twenty four hours a day. This went on for weeks and it was getting torturous. Luckily for me I was granted a gift from above and offered a server position for our range. There was no way I was turning this opportunity down, because this is my only chance to be out of my cell during the day while everyone else is locked down. My new job had its pro's and con's like every job. I was one of the first inmates at the facility to be tested for Covid-19, which created a sense of relief for myself. The thought of someone bringing the virus into the prison was such a realistic issue, which created day to day changes and worry among the inmates and staff.

As my release date is a few sleeps away the doubt and fear of me stepping beyond these walls were swelling. The outside world has drastically changed since the last time I took a breath as a free man, and I didn't have a clue what I was being released too. June 7 2021 finally arrived and the emotions that ran through entire body were very strong and powerful. That morning was quiet, and as the sun was rising in the horizon I absorbed the view one last time from my cell, and took it all in. The gratitude that I had at that exact moment was very surreal and it felt like it was to good to be true. I slowly made my way out of my cell carrying the little belongings I had. As much as I couldn't wait to touch the grass and see beyond these walls, It was still very hard to say goodbye to my fellow inmates that I spent my day to day existence with for a long time. There was a connection between myself and other inmates on my block and the possibility of never seeing some of these Men again are pretty grand. That's life though. NOT MY MONKEY, NOT MY ZOO. I marched out of Jail and didn't look back.