No Foot Too Big

It all started the day I got my birthday card. My sister, as is her custom, sent me a fun commemoration with a Lottery Scratcher enclosed. Her birthday message. You never know. I must admit I was amused as I set my gaze on the colorful and busy scratch game ticket. With a laugh and a shrug of my shoulders I proceeded to scratch away.

Blinking and shaking my head in disbelief the ticket proclaimed YOU WIN. All the appropriate images lined up and my prize, $20,000. It was hard to accept, but there it was, a winning row of cheerful treasure chests. Being a gainfully employed bookkeeper my first rational thought was to make sure the appropriate taxes were paid. Taking off my real-world hat I found myself pondering what could I possibly do with my newfound fortune.

An adventure, yes, a real adventure was in order. The most excitement one gets as a bookkeeper is the occasional hunt for a missing invoice or the traveling of an audit trail to locate an error that throws things off balance.

Twenty-four hours later I was on the phone persuading my sister Holly to follow me on a quest. I assured her it would be an exploration of a lifetime and something we would be able to remember and muse about for years to come. I assured her the trip and expedition was all on me. Even though she was not quite convinced she cautiously agreed to go along with me on what she thought would prove to be an absurd escapade.

One month later, four days of vacation secured, I was headed to the Bozeman International Airport to pick up Holly. Her flight was scheduled to arrive at 6:00 AM. Hoping that she was on time I was looking forward to getting on HWY 90 W to MT 83, destination, Columbia Falls.

Standing outside at the loading curb I watched for my sister. At 6:15 AM she appeared wearing a stylish hiking Jacket, faded blue jeans and a pair of pristine boots ready to trek the great outdoors. Pulling her designer luggage behind her she greeted me with a wry smile and those striking green eyes. Her short blond hair blew in the breeze with a careless abandonment as she came towards me. After exchanging the obligatory hug Holly stated, “Montana at last!” Taking her luggage and carefully placing it in the back of my trusty SUV we climbed in and within a minute we were headed out.

Traveling five hours on the highway went by very quickly as we spent the time catching up and reminiscing. After navigating US 90 W to MT 83 we arrived at out location, the Soaring Eagle Lodge. Rising before us a majestic log structure with grand windows that ran the length of the noble inn. Holly whistled and announced, “Now this is great way to start an adventure.”

After checking in at the polished granite and pine front desk, I retrieved a baggage cart and went to the SUV and began loading up our luggage and the gear I had put together for our next day’s excursion. Spying the large duffel bag, I discreetly placed on the cart; Holly gave me the enquiring mind needs to know look. Ignoring the probing emerald eyes, I sashayed my way to the waiting elevator, and glided right in.

“Isn’t this a beautiful room.” I was hoping to divert my sister from asking about the duffel bag until after we were settled and relaxed. “Yes, it is Haley. Listen Sis what’s in the bag? Exactly how much of an adventure is this adventure?” With a dramatic sigh I replied. Ok, ok you win”. I pulled the duffel bag off the cart and placed it on the burnished wood floor and opened it.

I methodically began pulling out the contents of the bag and placed them neatly on the floor naming them as I went. “A state-of-the-art Thermal Imager, night vision scope, two pocket size recorders, two flashlights, a video camera with infrared capability, a 2 foot 3-inch-thick wooden stick, walkie talkies, a canteen and a little black book for journaling”. After presenting the inventory that had been stored in the duffel, I warily eyeballed my sister. Her mouth was wide open, and the need-to-know look was now unequivocally replaced with the I don’t want to know look.

Acknowledging her uncertainty, I assured her that I had watched several online tutorials and felt confident that we could use the equipment without a problem. Finally, she spoke. “Haley, when you suggested we come to this part of the Northwest to look into the Bigfoot Legend, I imagined visiting a local lore museum, hearing a few home-grown stories, maybe taking a walk along a trail where they have been rumored to have been seen, while in the afternoons, sipping latte’s as we contemplated together the plausibility of the mystery.”

“Oh Holly, no the hunt for Bigfoot is the adventure. I have been researching and even have an excellent credible source!” Holly sat down on a chair with a hard flop. “Pardon me? A credible source? Seriously?” I patiently explained. “I found a Bigfoot sighting chat board online and connected with a professional Bigfoot investigator from these parts. He offered to take us on an overnight Bigfoot investigation. We are to meet him at Priscilla’s Pies and Diner early tomorrow morning.” “What?” thundered Holly. “Haley how do you know he is legit?” I met my sister’s hard gaze with “No worries I called Priscilla’s Pies and they said he is a regular.” “Priscilla’s Pies? She went on. “Did you speak to Priscilla?” Replying with exasperation. “I don’t know if it was Priscilla or not. She seemed quite nice!” It took some significant coaxing and encouragement on my part to procure Holly’s cooperation to go and meet the veteran investigative tracker.

Next day 7:00 AM we pulled up in front of Priscilla’s Pies and Diner. After we each shared our opinion of the pie art painted on the diner windows, we exited the SUV and walked to its door. As we entered, we were welcomed with a jingling and the distinct aroma of sizzling bacon and brewing coffee. Ahead was the diner counter and sitting on one of the stools was an elderly fellow reading a newspaper. Holly and I nodded our heads and moved towards him. Before we could even take two steps a deep reverberating voice bellowed behind us. “Haley?”

Holly and I turned around in an astounded synchronized fashion. In front of us stood a mountain of a man. He stood well over 6 feet, his barrel chest the size of a beer keg and on his head, he sported a generous mass of curly gray hair that fell to his shoulders with a beard to match. His camo garb and massive combat boots tired and worn. Holly leaned into me and whispered. “Are you sure he’s not Bigfoot?” Digging my elbow into Holly’s side I looked into the fierce eyes staring at me and shakily responded. “Arville? His stance relaxed and with almost a graceful flair he directed us to a booth.

With all of us seated he pulled out a paper and began to read. “Rules of the Pursuit. You will arrive tomorrow at precisely 7:00 PM at Moose Hoof Trail ready to investigate.” He then met my eyes and asked. “Did you bring your gear?” Resisting the urge to salute I responded with a swift, “Yes”. Again, he addressed his list. “Do not wear any perfume or fancy smelling lotions. Don’t bring food of any kind. No excessive chattering or unnecessary questions please, and for goodness sake wear sensible shoes”. Conspiratorially he went on. “Be advised, this Bigfoot clan is very smart and extremely sensitive and to be respected. See you at 7:00 PM”. Placing a map on the booth table showing the location of Moose Hoof Trail he briskly excused himself and purposefully marched out the door.

I don’t know whose eyes were popping out of their sockets more, mine or Holly’s. After a solid 5 minutes of silence Holly inquired. “Did you pay for this “Investigation”? I had to answer truthfully. “Well actually I did.” “How much Haley?” Holly’s tone parental. “Uhm… a thousand dollars.” I immediately regretted the revelation to my sister. Holly slowly stood, raised her eyes to the heavens and irritably groaned “We better go and ready ourselves to travel and investigate Moose Hoof Trail in diplomatic pursuit of this sensitive Bigfoot Clan”.

Later that evening, as Holly slept, I made some entries into the little black book I brought. I did not want to let on to her that perhaps this Bigfoot thing was not the best idea I ever had. I hoped tomorrow would turn out ok.

As required my sister and I arrived at Moose Hoof trail with 5 minutes to spare. Arville appeared precisely at 7:00 PM. Per his request, we did an equipment check, went over the rules of the trail and then with a mutual silence we started up the looming path, cumbersome duffel bag in tow. By the time we reached the top of Moose Hoof the night was in full bloom replete with stars and a quarter moon. Even though it was late in June the night air had a sharp nip to it.

“Ok Ladies let’s coordinate”. Arville’s tone hushed but authoritative. Holly and I leaned forward anxiously awaiting our investigative instructions. “One of you man the Thermal Imager and the other man the Infra-red Camera.” Arville’s command almost inaudible. Holly asked for the Camera which left me with the Imager. “All right you two stay right here while I scout the area”. Arville’s tone stern.

Listening to the crunch of his departing footsteps Holly grumbled at me. “I’m cold, hungry and tired. I’m going to sit down against this tree and pretend I am on a warm beach”. “Well,” I thought, “She does have a good idea.”

A loud knock rang out. “What the...” Holly sprang to her feet. I urgently searched for the wooden stick tucked in the duffel and ran to the tree she was standing by and proceeded to passionately bang on it. “Haley, what in God’s name are you doing? Have you gone mad?”. I swung around and hissed at her. “It’s Bigfoot they communicate by knocking on trees.” Holly hooted. “Oh, for goodness...” Before she could finish her thought a roaring howl so long and mournful filled the air. We both froze in terror.

Coming to my senses I barked an order at my sister. “The camera! I will engage the Thermal Imager!” Dropping the wooden stick, I grabbed at the Imager that hung around my neck. Holly on the other hand was frantically clawing at the ground next to the tree searching for the camera. “I can’t find it” she screamed. “Turn on your flashlight” I implored.

Her flashlight came on and pierced the darkness as she wailed. “Haley!!!” Fumbling with the Imager I shouted back “Holly!!!” Then silence. Slowly emerging, from behind the tree (big foot first) an enormous man-like creature. He gently moved his arm forward and dangling from his gigantic hand, the camera. Casually he placed it on the forest floor in front of Holly. Before we could register what was happening, he was gone.

Arville returned a few minutes later and conclusively announced it was time to turn back because he was quite sure Bigfoot was not in the area. Holly and I said nothing and quietly followed him down.

Two days later we pulled up to the loading area of the airport. Retrieving Haley’s luggage from the SUV I looked at my sister and asked. “Shall we do this again sometime?” we both started laughing pleased to know we shared an exclusive secret. “Haley” my sister said. “I think we’re good!” In agreement we hugged each other tight and said our goodbyes.