Necessary Distance

　There was a time when I was quite torn. I have been fortunate to come into contact with some famous people at not many literary events. I cherished this good fortune and hoped to learn many useful things. But as time went on, some of them let me down quite a bit. No matter how sincerely you treat them: treat them with courtesy in front of people, and when you hear negative comments about them afterwards, such as "not worthy of the name" and "out of fashion", you always try to persuade the commentators to give them the necessary respect. -Who doesn't have a day when they are out of fashion? But unfortunately, he always maintains a condescending indifference to this. I naturally did not dare to expect even the slightest bit of kindness, but I felt sorry for myself and for him when I was subjected to his occasional and unwarranted public taunts, especially when I realized that they were often a cover for a certain emptiness and cynicism on his part. I didn't know if I should end this kind of relationship, which can only be embarrassing, until one day I saw a tweet that opened my eyes.

　　The tweet said: "Being kind to people is an ability, and keeping people at a distance is also an ability. The ability to find good people to respond to with kindness, and to filter those who are not worth interacting with by keeping their distance. Both abilities are a means of screening relationships, and both are particularly important. Being nice is not being accommodating, and keeping your distance is not being cynical. A person who understands and responds to your kindness has a better chance of interacting with you in a positive way; someone who thinks highly of themselves so that you never get a proper look at them has a better chance of getting you hurt. This is a clear-cut thing.

　　In real life, the cost of trial and error in relationships is getting higher and higher, and meaningless accommodation is unnecessary and can't afford to spend. Stop loss at any time, is a kind of wisdom, a kind of ability. In my not so rich life experience, the following types of people, really met, it is better to keep a distance before it is too late.

　　The evaluation of others is almost always negative. Talking about people they have studied with, people they have worked with, people they have briefly interacted with, or even people they occasionally know, is always useless; when talking with him he is careless, either cold and dismissive, or he snaps at whatever you say; always with a superior face, aggressive, not reaching out to shake hands, but raising his hand for you to touch his finger; not hearing what you say, interrupting, grabbing words, bullheadedly taking over and saying He is a good friend of his; he pries, talks, and spreads all kinds of gossip and privacy, while showing off his own history; he makes fun of his friends' weaknesses in public to show his own excellence; in order to take advantage of you, he forces himself to get close to you and says you are his friend for life at every turn; he speaks loudly and shoutingly, is obsequious to his superior and rude and rude to his subordinates; he looks obscene, dodges his eyes, is vague, and keeps half of his words; as long as The company's main goal is to provide the best possible service to its customers. She thinks that a man will like her and want to take advantage of her. They are the smartest, no one else has insight, they are always right. No matter what people say, the response starts with a contemptuous "no way". The male pinky has long nails, greasy hair and powdered face, fiddling with his hair in the elevator against the mirrored wall; bragging from time to time that one day he had dinner with a celebrity in a high-class hotel and took a photo together, and that a big boss was his buddy; at every opportunity, he held out his wrist and forced people to guess how much the watch or bracelet on his wrist was worth, what material the string of Buddhist beads bracelet was, and which temple was opened by which senior monk. Always the most fashionable - you say Buddhism, he is the famous monk's home disciple; you say Christ, he is the church worship regulars.

　　For judging people who should be kept at a distance, one of the above characteristics, one point is enough. A person who makes you feel a little uncomfortable somewhere at the beginning will surely make you especially uncomfortable eventually.

　　One should naturally be generous, not narrow-minded, and tolerant, but tolerance is not the same as having no distance, it is not the same as having no antipathy toward anyone and anything, and it is not the same as having to force yourself to have no antipathy toward anyone and anything. Resentment is sometimes your subconscious mind reminding you to avoid the harm you might encounter.

　　Of course, social life is complex. One cannot get along with only those people with whom one feels comfortable. Learning to distance yourself from those you feel uncomfortable with is both a way to avoid harm and a way to coexist in an inescapable space with a wide variety of people.