I've been wanting to discuss this for a while but to be honest it has taken me awhile to come to terms with all the boundaries and whether or not they are reasonable. But then I realized that I shouldn't have to worry about whether or not something is reasonable to other people, what matters is if something is reasonable to me. I don't owe anyone an explanation. I can just simply lay out my boundaries and if people don't like it they don't deserve a position in my life. And that's taken me years to come to that conclusion. What are my boundaries? Well let's divide them into categories: Dating, Work and General.
Dating: Now this is a hard category to talk about only in the sense that I'm not ready to date and I've been in unhealthy relationships leaving me with no idea what a healthy one should even be like. But I have put some thought into this and came to the following conclusions: I could never handle someone I'm dating texting another girl alone. We'd have to be in a group text situation. I know that may sound extreme but it's really not. I also couldn't handle someone looking at explicit content online. I'd feel really insecure. I have so many other boundaries and if I were to list them we'd be here all day. I've been abused in the past and I need constant reasurrance that I won't be hurt not only by words but by actions. If that doesn't give you an idea of the kind of boundaries I have, I don't know what does. I'm working on being less extreme in my boundaries but in the same sense, I wouldn't have to! We all deserve to have boundaries and they should be respected. We deserve people who will respect our boundaries and will understand why we have them. But that goes both ways. You have to respect other peoples boundaries as well.
Work: I have certian hours that I allow people to contact me and only give my number out to clients I've met. I don't trust people and need to look out for my saftey. I have a few other boundaries and that's okay! I deserve to have boundaries. I don't deserve to have people walking all over me and treating me like crap. It's taken me awhile to come to that conclusion. I encourage you to come up with boundaries for yourself and your life.
We all deserve to have boundaries in our lives and if people can't respect those; they don't deserve to be in our lives. It's essential to have boundaries and standards for your life. We have to make sure to uphold those standards and be strong enough to enforce boundaries. It's all about having the self confidence to know what you deserve in your life and what you don't. For example I know I don't deserve abuse of any kind and need to hold my social interactions to higher standards. We need to have limits of what we will accept and won't accept. People should not be walking all over us and taking advantage of us. We should hold those who try accountable. I will no longer accept being treated like crap by anyone and if that means I need to stay single forever then so be it. I'm not going to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. I'm looking for the real thing and while I've written about not wanting to get married (Still true) I wouldn't mind sharing my life with someone.
About the Creator
Amanda Nicole
Hey I'm Amanda! I'm a writer, Podcaster and a pet sitter. I'm much more then that! Read my stories to find out :)
https://linktr.ee/amandanicole2393
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F%cking Social Media
Social media is everywhere these days, it seems like the only way to get anything done is on Social Media. Now please understand Social Media can in fact be a blessing, I've connected with other abusive relationship survivors and had amazing conversations. It's been amazing to connect with others who've been through the same things and to know that I'm not alone in my healing process. That everything I've been through isn't wierd and that other people can relate. I've also found some amazing authors through social media whose books have had profound impacts on my life and the way I think. I've also had the priviledge of sharing my story in hopes of helping other survivors. But behind the amazing connections and conversations I've had theres a dark side to social media. People showing you only what they want you to see and making there life seem just perfect enough. People editing photos to make themselves how they think you'd like them to look. It's a scary world Social Media. How are we supposed to make real authentic connections if we're on Social Media 24/7? The answer is we're not. Now I need to preface this by saying what I said earlier about connecting with other survivors. That has been a blessing. But on the other side of that Social media is filled with people pretending to be someone they're not. It's filled with people that who don't really care about you or have hidden motives. While Social Media can be a great place it can destory people. I think the trick is to balance reality from the destorted image Social Media presents to us. I think the most important thing I've learned is the value of being present. While I may have a mission of sharing my story to those that need to hear it, I also know that Social Media can be a toxic place. It's bad for my mental health and my healing process in some ways. Because while I can find other people that do in fact relate to everything I've been through, there are also times were I don't trust people and feel like maybe they're pretending to be someone else. Maybe I've seen to many episodes of Catfish. But I also don't trust people. It's really hard for me to anyways. See all my relationships in the past have been negative or unhealthy in some way and I'm still trying to work through that. I'm not stuck in my story, I do need to clarify that. I'm simply trying to heal. Heal from the crap I've been through and to be honest Social Media doesn't help to much. In fact it doesn't help at all. It makes things a bit worse. It can make me feel extremely lonely sometimes and unworthy of love. It can also make me feel fat and like I shouldn't eat anything. I realize Social Media can be a tool and a way to connect with people. I'm forever grateful for that. But I need to be careful also as Social Media has destroyed me over the years. I've had some interesting moments to say the least. I certainly apprecaite the good parts of Social Media but I don't appreciate the bad parts and the harm it can cause on people. It's pretty bad. I enjoy laughing at a good Tik Tok here and there and tweeting about whatever Easter Egg Taylor Swift has dropped recently. But I do want to make one thing very clear. I'm really trying to heal so on behalf of all other healing people be kind.
By Amanda Nicole3 years ago in Humans
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