Mr. First Date Man

A first date, eh? Soon to be paramours lurking behind friendship invites on Facebook, over and over again. I was looking, but wasn’t looking. Know what I mean?

I believe I am amazing, though, not in a narcissistic, big headed type of way. Instead, I am amazing in an, I make lemons into lemonade, tragedies into triumphs, type of way. Amazing, wells up in my spirit and spews forth as righteousness and wonder.

Instead of being constantly reminded of this wheelchair under me, I live in the grace I exude while rolling down the sidewalks of life, sporting a smile that can block out the sun. Amazing, yes?

I basque in the silence of loneliness, glow in the winter of my discontent. No man is an island, but I am a jagged rock jutting out from the ocean floor, that makes you take notice and maneuver around me, oh, so cautiously.

He will not see amazing, as I round the corner to our first date. Hopefully, he could hear it in our phone conversations, texts and verbal inuendos. I imagine him sitting at the table, smiling, a rose waiting for me to smell and two glasses of Bright Sellers Merlot, grown folks drinks.

Yes, I smell good, look good and want to bring joy to your soul, Mr. First Date Man. There’s nervousness in these here bones! Nevertheless, that nervousness will turn into excitement and awe. I am Amazing, now let’s have this first date!

As expected, I have run up on excellence, it’s foot dangling under the table, anxious to meet me. The face y’all, the face! Yummy! That smile, what sun? I’m lost in the moment, trying to live in a reality that I helped create. Yeah, first base achieved.

Just being here is winning. Our souls meeting for the first time, found each other in the vastness of humanity and cyberspace. Recognizing our likeness and compatibility, over all others.

What is a candle without a flame? Let’s flicker together in the darkness of night, two beacons on the horizon, making darkness jealous.

I realize for the first time, this date is more about me accepting, than being accepted. It’s about my flame, not blowing out beside a bigger flame. It’s about the heat, the glow, the staring into my eyes for hours, because of what he’s getting from it.

The ambiance is envoking love. Positive radiance is all around us. He hands me the rose and stops time. I am falling, falling, falling. Wake up!

I don’t hit the bottom.

He makes small talk that I cannot hear. There is an orchestra of kettle drums beating inside my chest right now. My eyes are bleary from the joyous tears I am holding back.

I must get back to reality before the clock strikes twelve and my carriage turns back into a pumpkin. My shoes will stay on my feet.

After years and years of love, pain and sorrow, we will have first dates. After arguments, babies, layoffs, successes and defeats, we will have first dates.

Oooh child, falling in love on a first date is electric. You woke up a part of me that I had ignored, on a first date. My life has changed forever, because of a first date.

Look at me. Do you see what you have done? You watered a flower that will bloom right before your very eyes. I am forever greatful, for this first date, Mr. First Date Man.

Mr. First Date Man, my spine is tingling from what you do and don’t say. My head is spinning and I grapple with what has brought me here at this moment in my life. I had been so much more before I met you. Would you settle for what is left? What the world has not yet taken from me?

Enough, for a first date. Tell me, do you like what you see? I can imagine you sitting on my couch, watching it snow, my dog at our feet and eating hot buttered popcorn.

What are you imagining over there? I’m not your last relationship. What’s behind that stare? I’m here for it. Whatever it is. Let’s make the world great. Let’s handle our biz.

“How is the food,” he asks? I’m not here for the food, I think. I smile and shake my head. I wipe my mouth and say, “excellent.” The winter of my discontent has become the spring of my enlightenment. Prince Charming sits before me, devoid of relationship garbage, at least with me.

We will not have garbage to recycle or skeletons in our closets, rattling the doors. We will speak truth to purpose from day one. Uplifting each other will be our daily joy.

I want to live in this moment, but I am momentarily in our near future. I look at him and he is chewing with his mouth closed. Priceless! Yeah, I can take him anywhere!

He reaches under the table to adjust his prosthetic leg, smiling uneasily. I try to smile, reassuring his uneasiness, as I think of which rubs and cremes I can use to message it.

I NEED YOU, Mr. First Date Man! My lil’ love project. You will overdose on my loving, as I try to drown you in an ocean of delight.

Me? I am ready to receive all your corrections from past relationships. All your, I will do better this times.

All the love I have given before, you will get, ten times over. I claim it now. I will leave this place, changed forever. Love, or the contemplation of it, does a job on the spirit. I went from numb to exhilaration in .02 seconds, shifting gears flawlessly.

The wine starts to kick in and I feel relaxed. Ole’ Bright Sellers put their foot in it this time. Girrrl, he is speaking ever so softly as his words catch a ride on the gentle breeze brushing my face. Eating outside during a pandemic is a history making event, on a first date, no less.

I am so thankful and gratitude filled. A pandemic could not stop this first date and here I am, we are, enjoying a glass of Merlot in the sunshine, with my Boo. What will be, will be. Turning lemons into lemonade on a sunny day after a lengthy lockdown, a phenomenal pleasure.

Unbelievable, the stories I will tell our grandchildren and great grandchildren. This pandemic that has pushed people apart has brought us together. While the world is screaming about injustice, it’s just us.

Should we have that political conversation over dinner, on a first date? No, I think not. Merlot is not palatable with what is being served on Capitol Hill. My excuse and I’m owning it. Actually, words are not our dominant mode of communication today, anyhoo.

Our emotions are bathed in the non verbal sensual assault, muted. What is not said is felt to the bone. A game changer. This one I’ll keep.

There is depth in the meaning behind the silence. We’ll figure it out later, when I run over and over in my mind, what just happened and how I feel about it.

I won’t be thinking about CNN tonight. I will be thinking about why he did or didn’t kiss me, hopefully obsessing over kissing him again, with my tongue next time. Ooops, the bad girl, fifty shades of grey thoughts, slipped out.

It’s time for desert and all I can think about is body parts dipped in chocolate. Not saying I’m into that type of thing, not saying I’m not. I’ve been known to try a strawberry in the naval or two. My mind is open, wide open.

I forgo desert and sip on my Merlot. He orders a slice of chocolate cake. I like the way he eats chocolate cake. I imagine walking over to him with my cloth napkin and wiping icing from the corners of his mouth. If only my legs worked as well as my imagination.

I will invite him to dinner and cook my best steak, while the guy on YouTube belts out the instructions. I can handle my grandmother’s green bean casserole on my own. A baked potato with sour cream, Hawaiian rolls and sweet southern tea, with lemon and mint no less. Desert, well, it’s on me, literally.

Then comes the body parts dipped in honey, I mean caramel, no, chocolate. I digress. Maybe that should be left to a fourth date, but one must never do this on a first date, if you want a fourth date.

That’s just my old school advice, handed down to me from women who have been battling wayward men for decades, before the divorce rate was above 50%.

You know how, you just know, it’s right sometimes? Really? Then tell me, because I’ve been here before and misjudged the situation, to say the least.

If I could judge when it’s right from jump street, this would be it. I’m betting money on his little, sexy, crooked smile. Oh, he must of read my mind. He just flashed it!

Maneuvering a relationship in silence, is better than a cacophony of false hopes and promises. A foundation built on lies, well, those are words best unsaid. There is no need to fill in the void with conjecture and ego stroking.

Dinner is over and it’s time for the proverbial, first date stroll. Disabled people do it differently, though. We will saunter along, ignoring pain, discomfort, ignorant stares and memories of able bodied days passed, until we find another place to sit, with different scenery. All the while, hoping that nothing gives out on the way.

I can’t get a grip on how I feel right now. Lightheaded from the wine, sure, but this is another type of high. My heart feels high. The date brought us together. Our spirits being magnets will keep us together.

There is so much magnetism in the air, it would take a chainsaw to cut it.

Just like I told you, we’re sitting in a different spot, once again, enjoying the silence. The communication between us is on another level and I love it. Besides, I usually talk to much anyway.

What! Wait for it, wait for it, not the old, arm around the shoulder move. It still works, though. Well, too! On that note, good night, Irene. Elvis has left the building.