Mastering in the Secret Language of Love

What is it that attracts us to certain individuals, but we find that others do not desire?

In some circles, this force of attraction is attributed to luck, fate, or karma. Beyond the romantic dream of soul mates, there is a real scientific reason at work here: the secret language of love is a hardwire to your physicality.

Each of us has 6,000 miles of neurons throughout the body. These neurons affect every area of ​​our lives, including our complex behaviors in love - a completely subjective and illogical process.

If you’ve ever fallen in love, you know that sometimes the relationship has nothing to do with whether or not the person is “right” for you. Why does this happen? This simply happens because what we describe as “falling in love” in our society is the formation of subjective neural pathways within our brain.

What does that mean? In response to past emotional experiences, it means that your brain is wired to interpret love in a certain way. And in this way you are shaped by what it meant to love in the past.

You have a unique love formula or equation that includes all the behaviors, feelings, and expressions that you mean to love. Together, they contain the secret language of your love, which often operates at the subconscious level.

One aspect of your love equation includes the specific criteria you have to fall in love with. This point explains why some of us are inexplicably attracted to individuals with dark hair, blue eyes or other physical characteristics. When we are attracted to someone else, brain chemistry begins to produce appropriate endorphins and we "fall in love."

Another aspect of your love equation involves the set of criteria you must have in order to feel loved. This factor works for the duration of the relationship: If the relationship is to have any chance of survival at an early stage, it is imperative for us to learn more about what we need from each other to experience love. I refer to this as your secret love equation, because it happens at the subconscious level.

Your mystery love condition depends on the idea of remuneration If you’ve been rewarded for some behavior like conformity while you were growing up, you’ve learned to interpret that reward as love. You are likely to repeat some version of that behavior with a partner in hopes of getting a similar reward. Therefore, the compliant child becomes a submissive partner and expects a reward for that behavior, which is then interpreted as love.

And that's where the rub lies! Despite research conducted with thousands of people and their love equations, there are no two partners who have the same love equations to experience a loved one. The equations of love are purely subjective. Therefore, the way you express love may be different from the way your spouse interprets love.

When one spouse expresses to another, "I don't think I am loved by you," the other person may respond by listing the many things they do to show their love. However, for partners who are feeling unloved, none of the actions listed are equivalent to love in their minds, as these actions are not wired in the secret language of their love. It is entirely possible for one partner in a relationship to feel that he is the most in love, while the other partner feels completely unloved!

Generally speaking, it is easier for men to express their love by working for their partner. On the other hand, women can ignore these actions as an expression of love because they are looking for some romantic verbal expression of love beyond the daily routine.

And the plot thickens: the basis of your unique love equation is based on your past emotional experiences, your beliefs about what happens after you fall in love can change dramatically as a result of a major emotional revolution.

In the traditional (mythical) love equation practiced by our culture, you meet the person of your dreams, love, marry and live happily ever after. Most of us start with a similar love equation… until the first experience of infidelity or break up!

After experiencing a broken heart and broken dreams, your love equation can turn into meeting your dream partner, falling in love, getting married, experiencing infidelity, and living in the pain of that experience forever. For such a person, the thought of meeting a spouse and falling in love is now akin to pain.

Every time that person psychologically repeats a negative emotional experience, they are actually reinforcing the new, powerless love equation, making this new equation true to them by emitting a synaptic response in the brain.

How would we dominate the mysterious language of affection in ourselves and in our accomplices? We do it through honesty and commitment. We need to honestly look at our wounds and areas of pain and express it to our partners with the emotion we love. We must consciously never hurt our partner in their hurt areas and express our love in the language they should receive - even if their love equation is different from ours!

To develop a loving relationship requires a mutual commitment to respect and honor our own truth and the truth of our spouse without compromising. When we are not honest with our love and our pain, our injuries, and our fears, we compromise our truth. Over time, compromises made without a face to the truth will create resentment, which will eventually destroy all intimacy and push our partners away.

When two souls are pulled together, it happens because there is resonance in their resonating energy fields. These fields draw people together from their common forces.

These adaptive fields offer powerful opportunities for healing and growth if they can provide a mutual commitment to learn the secret language of each other's love, heal each other's wounds, and evolve into fully conscious, loving beings.