Love Without Words

Dear Mom,

I wanted to thank you. There's a lot I could and should be thanking you for—I know—that I have never thought to thank you for. But, actually, I wanted to take the time to appreciate just one thing.

That's right, just one. You would be surprised by how many things one topic can cover. You'd be equally astonished to know that this one thing you've taught me was unintentional. I've simply learned from you without either of us even knowing it.

You taught me that love doesn't need to be seen to be heard, or heard to be seen. Love doesn't need to be easy to be hard, or hard to be easy. Love just is.

From what I know, this much is true. But also that there can be love without words. It can be in a smile, in the hold of a hand, a hug. Love is not just heard, as I said. It's also seen. And I hope you see my love for you because I promise you, it's there. In my eyes, my smile, and in my heart.

Love is so many things, can be described in so many words, and painted in so many colors. But it can only truly be present in 3 categories: friendships, relationships, and family.

Now while I must admit that all love is beautiful, it isn't always wonderful. Everyone knows that. It isn't in all cases happy or sad. Real love is a balance of the two. You can't have love without the good and bad. And if you think I'm wrong, you're lying to yourself. All the explanation I need is in the words, "love is complicated." It really is, on all occasions.

In my opinion, and from what I've been through, family love is the most difficult. Many could argue, "No, it's relationships, of course." Or, "That isn't right; friendship is."

But no, they aren't. Family love is, for this sole reason: no matter how much anger or hate you feel toward them at any time, you can't NOT love them. With friendships and relationships, you aren't tied down or subconsciously forced to love these people. Essentially, you can just leave that behind whenever. Those things aren't always forever.

With family, however, comes this strange knowing. No matter how hard you tried, you could never lose your love for them. It's a shadow you can't run away from because it will always be with you. This is family love, which is also called unconditional love.

In some cases, people hate their families. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I do, too. But I could never really hate you without still loving you. No matter how much I wanted to dislike you, I couldn't. Never, not fully.

But you subconsciously taught me that this is a part of true, unconditional love. Like survival, I can't go without feeling love and a little bit of hate—if any at all—for you. You will always be the shadow I can't walk away from.

So, thank you. After what seemed like a bunch of confused complaining, you might wonder how this was a praise to you at all.

Well, it was. This was a realization I came to BECAUSE of you. It's the realization that even though we are dysfunctional, total opposites, and disagree more than we agree, we still love each other so much because we understand the rules of the game.

To love someone is to come to the understanding that it isn't easy and isn't always visible. But you don't have to doubt their love because it will always be there. When you are loved unconditionally, there isn't a thing in the world that could change that. And that kind of love is beautiful.

I love you unconditionally, Mom, for all you are—even your worst. But with the worst comes the best, and with the best comes the worst. So with my love comes the ups and the downs, and the goods and the bads.

But, from what I've learned from you, it wouldn't really be love without.