Love

There was three. And they all resembled each other, the only difference was the height. Two of them were friends and the third was my rebound when I was in a homeless shelter. My whole life growing up I walked over men, but one of the three, finally walked over me. I will admit that one I formed a infatuation for, unable to control the passion I used to feel for him. For ten years I had an infatuation over these two men and the third got the worst punishment of them all, I am thinking it was something gang related.

Continuing the story from my previous writing called Tea Party, I met a man that was in my vision when I was a teenager in my thirties. This man I saw first in the doorway of a party, where I saw a bright light that one can assume is the light of love. However, I only saw him from outside when I was coming up to the door, our friend met us outside and this man, I will call Jim, was in the doorway. As soon as I saw him and made a comment, he was gone, back into a room at which I did not see him for the rest of the night. A man I did see, we will call him frank, came down from the same room and played some music for the crowd that was there. I later met frank properly in the kitchen at which time I realized there was something different about him. He was hunched over at the time and I was standing next to him in the circle. I felt emotionally like I adopted him as a caring friend since he was hunched over and seemed to be emotionally or physically challenged, I later discovered he was not challenged and only tired. Hunching over I guess was a common ailment.

Since I discovered frank was a musician, I visited him at his performances and was enthralled by something magical that I could not explain. I should have known it was just a groupie thing, but it became more than that, well for me. I tried writing to him, but he gave me no response, I think I overwhelmed him with my letter’s pages long. I do not know what exactly I wrote but I will never know how he took them. I emailed him a letter inviting him to meet me at a bar where they were having an orchestra play and some open music. Surprisingly, he never showed up, however his friend Jim did, the man with the light in his eyes at the door!

Jim walked in and my friend and I saw him right away, he stood at the other side of the room and glanced at us. Getting our curiosity my friend walked over to see if he wanted to chat, however Jim did not respond to my friend, so I tried. I adored how this man watched me. So, we got to chatting and we enjoyed the evening. Yet something strange was happening. It seemed some of Jim’s friends were showing up and they were watching me. Then something happened. Jim and I looked into each other’s eyes…. All I saw was black eyes, it made me shudder. He touched my shoulder and it shuddered right through my whole body. This touch will haunt me for the rest of my life. So, I asked Jim to sing, since it was also an open mic, and he did! I sat in the front row waiting to see his performance. He sang a gospel song, and when he did, I started drumming on the table, overcome with the feeling that I experienced.

When he was done my friend and I got up and the director asked if we wanted to perform, we got scared and said no, that we had to go. I do not know exactly why I left that bar. I will regret leaving him.

I never saw Jim again after that night. Instead I became infatuated with his friend Frank, going to shows, writing him letters, and sending him songs on his Facebook page. My fascination lasted about 7 years, during which time I dumped my then boyfriend and kept myself single for them. Meanwhile they moved on with their life, getting married, then divorced, and I am still single for them. I think I lost my chance of marring Jim when I left him that night, maybe that is why his friends showed up for him. The scary part was when I left the town in which the men stayed. I started having night terror of both the men being murdered, this lasted about a year.

When I was thirty-five, five years after these men, I was homeless and I met an identical man to Jim and Frank, as I said before they looked identical other than height. The homeless man was also enchanting, and he held me in his arms that were so comforting during such a time of turmoil. Yet after a year of being homeless living on the streets, I left, I left to wander the streets of my home city. The homeless man we will call Tim was forgotten for about a month while I had my fit wandering the streets. One night when I was wondering, I saw him. Dead, on the pavement, just left there. The only thing was it was not your normal dead body. His arms were cut off, those arms that gave me such comfort, and one of his legs were cut off. His face was covered, and I did not dare uncover it, nor did I dare call the police.

I knew nothing to do but leave him there, wondering what he went through after I left him. Because of these men and instances my life of love has been sucked from me, left behind. Weird the saying “I left my heart in…” because that is exactly what happened.