Love Lasts 3 Years - More Than Just an Expression?

With the immense success and popularity of Frederic Beigbeder's original work, it has become fashionable to say, "Love lasts three years." But even before, in the social mentality, the three-year threshold was considered important and symbolic: those who reached this threshold well, remained together all their lives!

Fiction or truth? The idea that love lasts three years has its parts of the truth: over time, passionate love from the beginning calms down, feelings crystallize - or sometimes disappear - sexual attraction diminishes! Passionate, hot love is now replaced - only if the partners are right - by a "warm" love, feelings of attachment, habit, respect, trust, and intimacy.

It is a normal and by no means negative evolution of the relationship, because - although it does not sound romantic at all - the habit is the key to a harmonious relationship: attachment and obsession provide security and emotional comfort, necessary elements in any couple.

Such a demonized routine is vital for the smooth running of a couple's relationship because, without the routine, the partners would have nothing to rely on and would live in constant stress and insecurity. Thus, to say that love lasts three years is true in one sense, but by no means in a tragic sense!

It has been said, however, that it is essential for partners to be suitable for each other - as a personality, the similarity of personality and values ​​and principles, complementarity of needs - and to be about love, not the classic "love" - ​​a phenomenon caused exclusively hormonal activity and physical attraction!

Next, an important distinction must be made between two types of love: the passionate and the companion! The first is the one sung by poets and artists all over the world and history: it is that love that causes blindness, that belief that there is only one (that), that covenant of faith until death!

But there is also the love of company - a feeling as deep, but less intense, based more than on sexual attraction on cultural similarities and complementarity!

For which of these two types of love does the saying "love lasts three years" fit better?

It is obvious: the first type of love, which is extremely based on passion, sex, desire, causes temporary blindness and excessive idealization of the partner - this type of love is risky!

After the crazy start, partners can wake up from that "blindness" and realize that the other is not perfect at all, that he imagined what does not exist, and once the passion subsides, they can see that they are not compatible in any other field outside sex - values, principles, expectations for the future!

At first, the two overcome any obstacle, from the crazy belief that "love overcomes everything", but once the habit is established, they may find that they have nothing in common! That is why passionate love must be doubled by certain similarities or complementarities.

But love called companionship - this love lasts three years ?! Indeed, even in this type of relationship, boredom and the realization that partners are not made for each other can appear! But less often! Because this kind of love is calm, quiet, more rational than passionate.

Consequently, the two partners will know each other well enough in advance to decide whether or not they are suitable for a relationship. In this relationship, more important than passion and sexuality are trust, admiration, support, and emotional support!

Do you know those couples in whom the partners get along perfectly and complement each other wonderfully, about whom people say "they could be brothers"?

This is the love of company and such a relationship is more likely to reach that threshold where other partners may wonder "why have I been in love with this person for so long"?! Of course, we can speak of an evolution - desirable - of passionate love in company loves! But less often, because certain types of people are prone to certain types of love and manifestation of love!

Therefore, the expression "love lasts three years" should never be taken literally - although it does happen that some couples break up after a while. Whatever kind of love they share, couples who reach the threshold of three years have all the chances to succeed!

Three years for a relationship is in a way the equivalent of thirty years for a person: it reaches a threshold where people know they need to make some changes, to evolve, to mature! And many times these changes scare them because everything different is initially viewed with suspicion and regret.

This distinguishes another aspect inherent in the expression "love lasts three years": there may be a small crisis of the relationship, a crisis born of the same springs as the crisis of thirty years! Knowing about the existence of this threshold, the partners can analyze their relationship and can discover some shortcomings or negative aspects.

Also, the future changes regarding the relationship (engagement, marriage, building a family) can scare them - absolutely normal! Another reason for a relationship crisis - and this is not necessarily at the age of three - is the oversaturation of the sexual stimulus: there is a need for other stimuli besides the image of the naked partner, there is also a need for sexual diversity and new experiences!

Another cause that can cause a crisis is routine boredom - because routine is functional and necessary, but without certain periodic "exits" from this routine, you get bored and want something new! And very importantly, another reason for a crisis: the safety and overconfidence of one of the partners in the relationship!

Trust is, of course, essential, but some people are so confident in their relationship and have so much trust in her and their partner that they no longer strive! Give up paying attention to the other, give up making surprises, express your love and admiration, become comfortable! And this behavior can only make the other person feel neglected and ignored!

In the end: love lasts three years, two years, one year, less - if the two partners do not get involved in building and maintaining the relationship, do not form a routine together, do not form things in common, and especially do not pass together over all these hops!