Love is Blind

What am I doing? I ask myself while I sit on a park bench waiting nervously for a stranger. My left-hand grips tightly to roger's lead and the other to the gap between the planks of wood which formed the place in which I sit. I must have lost my mind! I rise up from my desperate position and decide I must leave at once.

As I start walking away, with Roger per usual taking the lead, I hear from behind me a deep gentle voice.

'Rochelle'

I freeze in my steps. Roger sits by my side.

‘Rochelle it’s me Simon! I'm so sorry I have kept you waiting.’

Still with my back turned I make an attempt to say, ‘oh hi’ but it just comes out as

'Oh ah o'

‘Excuse me! Rochelle are you ok?’

‘Oh yes, I’m absolutely fine. I just decided to stretch my legs.’

Stretch your legs! Rochelle, what is wrong with you! Why did you say that? I ask while telling myself off in my head.

I manage to turn around and face him by this point and I am pleasantly embraced with Simon's energy. I feel safe and an instant warmth.

‘It's really lovely to meet you.’ I approach the bench and suggest – ‘Shall we sit.’

‘Yes of course.’ Once seated Simon leans over to stroke roger

‘So, how’s your pal?’

His forearm makes contact with my thigh, I feel a tingling sensation, one I have not felt in a long time. Bizarrely the connection made is pleasurable. This comes as a great surprise; I have just met this man and he only touched my leg. I pinch myself in an attempt to get a grip of my emotions. The touch of another human being seems like such a distant memory, a lightness descends through my body. Aware of my distraction I realise I am being rude this is about Roger not me.

‘This is my best friend; I do not know what I would do without him. He has changed my life......well since my life changed.’ Simon senses the sadness that takes over me.

Smiling while making light joke Simon leans in to get closer to me and whispers

‘I’ll tell you a secret ……I was born with the change’ easing the potential tensions, then swiftly changing the subject.’

‘So why this bench? You seemed so keen for us to meet here.’

‘I know you must have thought I was a right weirdo.’

‘Well, I wouldn’t describe it as that just thought you sounded very specific’

I grew up in this park, it is a part of who I am. I spent most of my childhood playing in this park or sitting on this bench.

It’s dedicated to Annemarie Webb.......which for a long time meant nothing to me. I had no idea who she was or what she did. But the message has always touched me. And now I am an adult it means so much.

Rochelle moderately pushes Simon forward as his back is covering what Rochelle reads aloud

‘Love is everything and all one needs to be free

Dedicated to Annemarie Webb 1943 – 1990’

Simon runs his fingers across the small, rustic plague which sits in the middle of the bench, each letter his index finger penetrates as if taking the words in through his hands.

Rochelle points to the direction of the community hall that is placed in the far corner of a large green field but accidently hits Simon in the face. Sending them both into a fit of laughter. Simon straight away sees the funny side in it.

‘Don’t worry I have done that plenty of times.’

'Once catching herself Rochelle continues……. what I was trying to say was over there is where I had my first to sixth birthday parties. I know so unoriginal, my mother just loves convenience and as we only lived five minutes away from here it just always seemed to be our go to spot. Obviously by the time I was six I realised there were many other places to visit for a birthday celebration and opted for alternatives.'

' I also attended brownies from the age of 6 – 12'

‘What’s brownies?’

‘You know Brownies’

‘No - I don’t know’

‘No brownie points for you then Simon’

They both laugh

‘So, what’s over there?’

'That’s the tennis courts which is where I done my tennis lessons for years still no good at it and around the corner from that is the most beautiful flower garden. I find it very peaceful in this area and have often sat reading a book for the entire day. Don’t ask me how but I just love it. Flowers are wonderful and the colours are the vibrance I miss.'

Again, I get a dark feeling Simon being so attentive senses this and brings me back

‘I have never been here before it’s my first time. And your millionth time.’

'I have definitely lost count of how many times. Tell me about you Simon. I have been talking for ages’

‘Well, what do you want to know I am an open book!’

‘Where are you from? What do you do and are you a serial killer or psychopath?’

Simon lets out a loud gest, ‘now that’s a first I never been asked that before.’

‘I am from a woman’

Rochelle can’t contain herself sarcastically she states the facts – ‘of course you’re from a woman aren’t we all.’

‘Well, I don’t know who that woman is, so I had what you call a unique upbringing.’

‘Oh my gosh I am so sorry’

‘Please don’t be silly I say that on purpose to break the ice…….by now you must have realised I am what you call a man with a sense of humour. I try to find the light side to everything. ‘

I am amazed with this man and go into a slight daze. In shock and disbelief that I am sitting with such an amazing soul. It was beyond obvious that this man was an extraordinary individual. I could learn a lot from.

I was inspired but also greatly disappointed with myself, the way I have behaved towards my friends and family. my energy has been so heavy, and I have support, people that believe in me. Yet I am forever complaining. I knew this meeting was meant to be.

I was meant to meet this man as he had a lesson for me, and I was ready and open to learn. For the first time in a long time, I had let down a layer of the brick wall I had built around my heart. I was softening up I could see a light now, finally I could see that slight glimmer of a white light that I could not see before, but I now know was always there.

Simon interjected into my mind it was like a dream

‘Rochelle are you ok?’

‘Oh yes, my apologies I sometimes just wonder off in my mind’

‘Don’t worry it was only for 60 seconds……just thought I might have already done your head in or it is my rather large head all together.’

Rochelle smiles with a little giggle ‘you are so funny I like this about you it is very refreshing. So, you didn’t tell me what you do?’

‘I am a pianist……. don’t have as many gigs as I used to well you know for obvious reasons, but I did have a time when I was popular. I now teach it once a week, privately. It is a passion of mine and a massive part of my journey in becoming me.’

‘I would love to hear you play.’

'Well, you can as that is when I am at my best and it would be a pleasure. I will look forward to that moment.’

‘Are you always this gentle and delicate? You are like a romantic but without cheese.’

Simon leans forward bending with laughter. ‘You are also very funny and great company.’

They hold a moment which is suddenly broken by Simon’s mobile.

He excuses himself; I am really sorry I have to take this call

‘Oh of course no worries.’

I sit back and pat Roger on the head I almost sink into the bench, nostalgia takes over me. I am taken back to when I was sitting on the same bench with George in 1999

you close your eyes

No, you close yours

No, you first! I shut my eyes. Give me your hand and trust me George leans in and peaks me on the lips. We both jump up ‘aweeee yuk’ I start spitting and then wiping my lips while George does the same.

Should we just be friends. He was my best friend from that day until he died. That was the moment he always reminded me, is when he realised, he was gay. He died from the same illness that was crippling me. why didn’t I listen to you George? I say under my breathe.

Then I am splatted with the waste of a pigeon flying by. The poo dribbles down the side of my face from my hair. I am like really, I just got shat on by a bird while waiting for my date who is taking a quick phone call. I have no tissue, or anything let alone I cannot see but only feel the humiliation for when he turns around. This cannot be good it must be a sign to leave. Get out now while you can!

I am suddenly overwhelmed with what George used to say - if you want a sign, they are everywhere just do not always see them as negative now again trust your gut and see it as a positive. Take a chance and go with the flow. Let life led you to your happiness.

He was always right George, just knew what to say in my moments of need. Even now you have gone you are still advising me, but I am still unlucky in love. Either your advice is not working, or I am not listening. Rochelle settles with the latter as she knew she was her own worst enemy like we all were, well everyone except for Simon. He seemed so perfect and so forgiving when life has been so unkind to him. I recognise the assumption I made and acknowledge I am doing it now looking at life as glass half empty rather than half full.

‘Oh, Rochelle I am so sorry’

‘You are going to owe me soon you have been saying sorry since you got here’

‘How can I make it up to you Rochelle – forgive my tardiness and disturbance of my telephone.’

‘Don’t be silly Simon I am only pulling your leg’

I go for the plunge as the words are about to slip out of my mouth, so I try to compose them in the best way possible without sounding like a desperate woman

‘Do you want to come back to mine for a glass of merlot”

‘I would love that – I drink red wine as it is the closet beverage to blood! I am vampire at night! Ha, Ha only joking.’

‘That’s not funny’

Simon gets up first and puts out a hand for Rochelle ‘my hand is here let me help you’ Rochelle grabs it and, in that moment, realises she was not just grabbing a hand, but a hand back into life. This was her chance she was taking and for the first time in her most vulnerable state Rochelle was taking the biggest chance of her life.

‘Look at us we are literally the blind leading the blind.’

Roger leads Rochelle as he always does, being her eyes while Simon walks using his white cane. They both walk away at a harmonious pace. With an understanding of no other and that is that love is blind when you cannot see. Simon completely oblivious to the fact Rochelle has bird poo in her hair, still holding her hand, Rochelle smiles, relieved by this realisation.