Get there for us

' Get there for us’ they were the last words my mother spoke before she died.

I remember that day like it was yesterday. It had been the fourth time that week I heard the bashing of my mother’s head. I had enough but I was helpless. I had tried to intervene before and ended up with my head in the wall.

Plus, Ian was a sleazebag, every night I would wedge my desk chair against the door to protect myself from him and his cronies. My mum and I had a special knock, so I knew it was her, without fail she would wait as long as it took until Ian passed out. Then sneak to my bedroom where we would lay on my bed looking at the picture, she held so dear to her heart. The image capturing our dream of freedom.

Sometimes my mum fell asleep in my bed, which was the worst thing she could do. if she was not laying by Ian’s side she would be summoned to a beating. There have been occasions where we were awoken by this hell. My mother being dragged from my bed while I try to hold on to her. I often wonder why? Why mother do you choose this waste of space as the person you lie down with. A man that has his claws into you solely through fear, picking away at her self-esteem in preparation for ultimate control. To be honest I am not even sure how they met. I just know from summer last year our lives would never be the same again.

Ian was nice to my mum at first, but I knew he was a wrong-on right from the beginning – I could tell by the way he watched me. I could always tell. Becoming a young woman and with my reality taking a 360 I had to grow up fast. I developed an intuitive gift for sussing out assholes.

My father on the other hand god-bless his soul was our everything, before he died, we were a happy family of three. We wanted for nothing. My father was our world he provided us with love, security and continuous loyalty. He looked after us and being an only child, I feel like I gained the best from my parents. I was their main focus and thrived in this environment. Mum deserved a medal for everything she done with me. she was completely devoted to being a parent. I think because she never had that kind of experience as a child it was a priority for her to be an active role in building and nurturing me. Comforting me and just caring in the best way possible while always teaching me the value of life. The importance of family the very lessons she had to learn the hard way. All the thrills any family could dream of were apparent, all the needs a family could need were being filled.

After this my mother’s mental state, Julianne although everyone calls her Anne just deteriorated. Rapidly losing herself into the depression and somewhere in this place of despair she met Ian. My sixteen-year-old self-had never hated anyone in this way before he was like the devil to me. and he knew this which is why he punished my mother even more.

I fell asleep that night to my mother’s groan, her weeping and begging for it to stop. I prayed to GOD, for a way out of this. Please save my mother lord I prayed, I cried, I prayed and listened until I heard nothing. I waited all night for her to come but she didn’t. When I opened my bedroom door it was quiet and very still. I creeped into my mother’s room and there she was black and blue clinging to her life. Ian was gone, he must have realised he went too far. I immediately ran for the phone and called emergency services –

‘Hello 999 – what’s the emergency?’

‘My mother is extremely hurt I need an ambulance now – right now hurry’

'How is she hurt? Is she conscious? '

I haven’t got time for this she’s hurt really bad……..please just come

Ok please give us your address

I say it quickly to hurry them of the phone as I realise my dear mother is trying to say something

Mum, save your energy

In a croaky but quiet voice she just about says ‘Come here Roxy’

I lean down to her level and she grabs my hair bringing me close to her mouth

“Get there for us”

In her hand was the photo all scrunched up…….she was holding in her hand for me she knew she was going to die. I knew too. I cried holding her in my arms until the ambulance arrived. She was pronounced dead at the scene.

That was it at 16 years old I was an orphan, I had no one in the world. Just myself, my sadness and my thoughts. I was determined from that point onwards to be better than the best. To be strong and unstoppable. Luckily my father has a sister I knew nothing about apparently there was a family dispute many years before I entered the world. Resulting me growing up not knowing I had an aunty. Anyhow good old Janey took me in. I really hit the jack pot because Aunt Janey was loaded, she had money coming out of her ass. No children and no husband.

I was allowed to be whatever and whoever I wanted to be – except Aunt Janey had no idea who that was, neither did I until recently. I trained to survive in all conditions, which built my self-confidence tremendously. i focused on this consistently with a disciplined diet and positive attitude towards building myself up for this very day. I looked around me I was sailing in the middle of the ocean on a boat living the dream my mother always dreamed off.

Looking out at the sea, on a boat on the horizon I felt proud that I have achieved this dream, but I couldn’t help thinking, this was a shared dream and now I had to do it alone, without my best friend. I stare at the picture which is now frail and barley a picture the damage is beyond repair. A boat on the horizon, a place my mother and I dreamt about, memories are in my heart ad mind. I tear the picture into little pieces and allow it to blow in the soft sea breeze. it has served its purpose and I am where we planned. In my moments of reflection, I forget I have company and I am not alone. I turn around and there tied up to the chair is Ian begging for his life this time.

I smile because look how the tables have turned. I did it mum, I got there for us.