Loneliness

I sit and wonder sometimes why do people do the things that they do? I ask this question because I know why I have gotten into relationships that wasn't a conducive relationship riddled with insults and total disrespect I did this out of being lonely. Us as women tend to develop relationships because we are really scared of being alone and being lonely, now there is a difference in the two let me break it down. Loneliness causes people to feel empty, alone and unwanted when you feel lonely you crave human contact.

It's natural to become lonely and being alone and lonely is a recipe for making messed up decisions that can greatly affect your everyday life, I am a mother of 5 and I can truly say that 4 out of the 5 children that I have was conceived during a lonely period in my life. Don't get me wrong I love all my children and I wouldn't change that for nothing in this world but I craved human contact and I made my decisions out of loneliness and afraid of being alone, and guess what! I am still alone and was a single mother of 5 children due to me just picking anyone to satisfy my loneliness.

I been through the ringer from being mentally and phyiscally abused disrespected, called out of my name, and used for my body and my sanity it took me along time to figure out that this is what you conjured up because you were lonely you didn't see those red flags? I see them now but back then I couldn't care less about a red flag as long as I had a person in my life. I made a lot of mistakes and hurt my children along the way because I was lonely, my oldest is 31 years old and she just revealed to me that a family member husband molested her and my son they were 3 and 4 years old, being lonely and alone I allowed the family member and her husband to live with me and he helped himself to my children, what type of person violates babies and they were babies. Loneliness is a dangerous feeling because it allows you to push past those red flags, loneliness has you second guessing yourself, that natural instinct that we all possess, loneliness hits us all because we are human. So speaking from experience don't allow loneliness to influence your decisions because that will hurt you in the long run, I wish that I could travel back in time and tell my younger self to not act off of loneliness and stop trusting people and trust your instincts and protect yourself and protect your children at all cost. I know longer accept loneliness in my life and I have been single for at least 11 years and I am happy with being single, I am never alone and I am never lonely I learned to be patient and to get to know myself and I know that I am worth more than accepting anything just to fill that loneliness factor in my life.