Living With Trauma

Living with Trauma is not easy. It can include a daily rollercoaster of emotions, most of which are unwelcome. It feels like being inside a constant washer spin cycle of hurling emotions, as we plunge in and out of trauma memories.

Some days the nightmares keep us awake all night, and haunts us during the day for no apparent reason. It's like having a perpetual shadow glued to your back and it won't leave you alone.

The days when you don't understand the flashbacks are even worse. Fear sets in and it make you feel uneasy.

Have you ever felt that way?

Have you ever stood in a queue in the food market and you start to tremble?

I have.

It wasn't one of my finest moments. It was years ago, I still remember it because of how I felt.

I had just been to therapy and it had been a big session with a lot of triggering memories. I should have driven straight home but I needed some essential items for the following day.

As I stood in that queue with people all round me, I noticed that I was hot. My heart decided to run a marathon in my chest and my body trembled, like a leaf in the wind.

My hands were full of items so I couldn't just leave. The room fell silent all round me and I felt as if I was right back in my worst moment. I felt his hands around my neck, squeezing ever so gently…

NO - I screamed inside my head and squeezed my knuckles on my items without anyone seeing what I was doing. The loaf of bread came out a little worse for wear but other than that, my groceries survived my hands.

I breathed in and out slowly, and focused my eyes on a poster advertising a brand of diapers. I must have read the slogan several times until my brain understood their meaning. I wiggled my toes in my sandals to feel the floor.

Another time, I was at one of my friends' barbecues.

Lots of adults talking, kids running around, music playing from a boom box. Everyone was enjoying themselves.

One of the dads went to the kitchen to get a knife to cut some meat, and he walked across the yard towards the grill.

Suddenly, my whole world slowed down. All the voices and music stopped and I froze. All I could do was stare at that knife as it bobbed in a hand that was walking across the yard.

My flashback took me to a very different hand that was walking towards me with a menacing grin.

My scream made everyone stop and it catapulted me back into the present. Someone had turned off the boom box and everyone stared at me. Our kids were frozen in place.

A familiar voice put his hand on my back, said my name and where we were. My husband turned me around and held me. His firm body with the familiar smells made me realize where I was and I was shaking.

After a few minutes, I found myself sitting in a chair with a glass of iced tea in my hand. The music was playing, the adults were talking again and the kids carried on playing.

These flashbacks can happen anytime to a trauma survivor. It doesn't matter where you are or who you are with.

Like the turtle, a trauma survivor has to survive the constant cold water showers (triggers) that threaten to consume us. The most important thing is that you have a strategy to cope with them as they happen because they will. There is nothing worse than not being prepared for an emotional onslaught.

My advice to all trauma survivors out there is this.

1. Have a coping strategy that works for you during the day. I have several that I draw on and use at work and wherever I end up during the day.

2. Grounding is a great technique that helps get you back to the present moment. Use your senses to ground you firmly back into the present.

3. Allow yourself to "bail out." If the flashback isn't going away, have an excuse ready to leave the room if you are with people.

4. Time - Always make sure that you are fully back in the present moment before you return to what you were doing. If you need a break, tell someone that you are popping out for a coffee break or something that you can easily manage.

5. Self-care - This is the big one. You have to look after yourself after a flashback. I know this doesn't come easy for a survivor but you have needs. If your body has reacted to a trauma memory you will not be able to function for a while without some kind of care plan. A glass of water, a snack, a short walk round the office or maybe close your eyes for five minutes to shake a building head ache.

My name is Lizzy, and I'm a mom, teacher, author and mental health blogger. I write for those who don't always feel that they have a voice. For more about me, my books and articles check out my website: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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