Let the emotions come and go lightly

Without accepting your own emotions, you cannot accept the emotions of others. Especially in intimate relationships, when your significant other encounters problems or difficulties in work and life, confiding in you his anger, aggravation or helplessness and other emotions, if you do not maintain a good listening, companionship or comfort, but took the way to reason with him or complain, blaming him for not doing what you came up with, or using your own usual method of suppressing avoidance of emotions to ask him: keep smiling. That's really a cruel thing to do! This cruelty, of course, does not mean how much you consciously do not want him to be well, but on a subconscious level. You think he encountered such a thing, the reason why haunted because not sensible enough, small-minded, always trapped in the event itself, can not jump out. You persuaded him in the WeChat end, sent him a few smiley faces and said "look at my smile".

　　He saw your smiley face not only did not cheer up, but more angry lost. He thinks you're not even on the same page as him, you don't even appreciate his feelings at the moment, you don't even allow him to continue to express his opinion and dissatisfaction to you about the matter. You stopped him from continuing to talk with a smile. This reminds one of treating water, which is not unblocking but blocking. Emotions are water, they flow, and it is much wiser to accept it and let it flow slowly through than to block it temporarily with an obstacle such as a sandbag.

　　Of course, the reason for the blocking approach to your significant other's emotions is not because you don't love each other enough; perhaps it is because you love each other so much that you can't bear to see him stay stuck in the incident and not jump out. So you enabled your usual defense mechanism - avoidance. You think smiling is the best way to relieve stress, but for him, at this time is not to smile. All he wants is to talk to you more, to complain, so that you can stand in his shoes and give some moral support and companionship. But you do not want to listen, because you are afraid that you are offended by what he said, thus triggering their own worse emotions. The reality is that you are afraid to face your emotions and take the hot potato handed to you by others. But emotions are transmitted so quickly and invisibly that you still end up being upset. The other party feels helpless and lost, and gradually, the intimate relationship will become distant.

　　The so-called true strength is not to encounter any event will be calm and easy to deal with. The most powerful people will also have anxiety and distress, will often be affected by the emotions, the key is how to cope. True strength is to be able to accept your emotions when they come, to be with them, to experience what is behind them, to feel what they are trying to tell you.

　　Emotion itself is a neutral word, there is no good or bad emotion, any kind of emotion is a part of ourselves. Their existence is meaningful and valuable to us. Don't always mind and worry if you are still stuck in your emotions, it's not a terrible or bad thing to live with them. The best way to deal with emotions is to "let them come and go". When it comes, don't be surprised and avoid it, patiently wait for it, listen to it, accompany it, soothe it, and be with it. Look at the parts of it that have been ignored, think about what it is reminding you of, and appreciate the protective effect it has on you. When it has expressed what it wants to express, completed its mission, it will naturally go away when all this wind is lighter. Go to a safe enough distance from you, continue to silently focus on guarding you. However, a wind or anxiety it will continue to stand out again, for you to saddle up. So it seems that emotions are still our very righteous friends, when there is a crisis, it always stands with us.

　　So when emotions come, relax and accept them. Then, there is then! Stop fighting it with hyper-rationalized thinking, that's not a good coping strategy, because reason and emotion are not on the same platform! Please try to calmly talk about your emotions with your closest people, like a family affair, and be careful to speak your emotions in your own words, not in an emotional way; the person listening should also quiet themselves first, no need to rush to express their opinions, you just listen silently, give appropriate responses, to be there and encourage, this is the greatest support and reassurance! In intimate relationships, do not underestimate the power of listening Oh, it is the premise of empathy, but also to enhance the feelings of the potent pill!