Let’s Have A Drink

Little faces stare me, as I choose the face I wear that day.

Which shade will hide my tired eyes, and keep little minds at bay.

You pay the bills, but I know the drills.

I know that look in your eyes, and your mumbled lies.

Cleaning up puke and piss, ain’t marriage bliss? You Don’t think of this with that first kiss.

You have made me a liar, as I watch you drink away the man I use to admire. I’m just here putting out fires, just so you can yell at me for being so tired.

I build you up as the man I want our sons to be, hoping our happy lie will turn into their true reality.

Maybe if I smile enough, they won’t get sucked in to my own self Misery.

Tired teary eyes keep me awake, mine, theirs, ours, all drowning in our own privet lake.

Moms don’t get to question how much more She can take.

Stay at home moms, “What a luxury!” They say. “Must be great to sleep the day away.”

Ignorance really is bliss. I’m Jealous of the eight hours you get to dream, when the last six I fight to redeem.

1:30 a.m. I write this, hoping it will help pull me out of my own shit. Lost and alone, like a kid screaming for his mom while stuck in the ball pit.

I can hear her now, “Hunny it is what it is, now get your own self out of that damn pit!”

I’m in a bubble of my own denial, trying to keep up appearances, just waiting for the fight we can’t reconcile.

I lay next to you, at this strange hour, wondering what love is left for you to devour.

I realize I might be hard to reach from your man built tower.

The lights are on, but there’s no power.

I look at you, with your dimples, and tiered eyes cradled in your well earned wrinkles.

I resent the parts of you I want to keep.

We all look so Innocent when we sleep.

The sun rises and the night coils, and retreats.

My days all the same, my life’s just a Series of repeats.

My Brain‘s tired of this show, however my heart disagrees and saves my brain a seat, that’s filled with empty promises you have yet to keep.

Sometimes though, despite this mess, You hold my hand.

I’ll remember that it hasn’t made me love you less.

You gave me my first home, my first since of stability.

I never thought I’d see the day where a great man like you, could become a liability.

You loved me despite my rough edges, Letting down walls that always gave me leverage.

Strong enough to help me carry all my baggage. You made me swallow the bad that haunts me.

You haven’t met her yet, as that part of me can can be quite savage.

With you there was a moment where I could stand still.

You made my mountain into a mere hill.

This poem is to long, but I’m scared if I stop, I’ll admit I’m tired and won’t be as strong.

I’ll convince myself your right and I’m wrong.

The Same dance, just a different song.

I don’t want it to end. Like an email you write but never mean to send.

I just need more time…we can do this…. We are just in a bind.

My eyes are getting heavy, darkness may win this round.

Just when you shut off the lights please shut off the sound.

Whoever knew that silence could be so loud.