Leaving Behind My Childhood,

I’m Val. Formally go by Valerie, on the internet I’m known as avalcados. I’m 22 years old. I have been raised by not one but two unloving narcissists. For my astrology homies, two undeveloped Scorpio parents. I’ve been coming to many realizations about my childhood, once again. This new process has been so painful and liberating. I can finally say liberating and that feeling I have is crisply hopeful. I’m writing this out mainly for myself. I’m writing also for anyone who may need some words? But more so to the void. You see, I’m coming from a family home that taught me to only share anger and pain. A place that tried to show me that showing any type of emotion makes you unready for life. Because not getting a grip of ur emotions just simply means you’re not ready for this life. *rolls eyes* Growing up, showing love and needing love felt like a crime. I learned to not ask for a simple hug. I learned that if I wanted to cry I had to wait until everyone was asleep to breakdown in the bathroom silently. I learned to accept the uncalled advice and often didn’t resonate with the advice my dad would give. Leaving him content, feeling like he did his job as a father. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. Lately, I’ve been shedding the layers I had believed were there to protect me because I’ve come to realize that love is not a crime. Showing and being love is not a crime or should be shameful. So why do I punish myself in hiding what I do best? Why do I punish myself in keeping myself away from love and comfort? Why do I punish myself in staying stuck in situations with people who view love as a crime? The truth of it all is that I am love and comfort. I can create love and comfort easily. It’s the one thing that comes out of me so naturally. I’m realizing that my parents don’t hate who I am or uncomfortable with who I am. They hate and are uncomfortable with how naturally I radiate the love they tried so hard to never believe in. So they choose to push me away. They choose to misunderstand me. They choose to blame me for not “learning” about life yet. But my purpose is not to stop the love I spew so that they can remain comfortable in their idea that love doesn’t exist. It’s not my job to make them see that I am love. Maybe for them, love doesn’t exist. But I can’t sit here and rip myself apart begging for them to even glance. Life shows me how much love exists everywhere. When I go thru drive thrus and I always ask them how they are back. That’s sharing love. When my friends are going through something and instead of being on them I give them the space to be because they got this. I know when they need a friend, they will come to me and I’ll surely be there. That’s sharing love. When the sky is just so beautiful and you catch it during its most precious time. That’s sharing love. When my own family shows me time and time again that they will never be on my side, I show them that no matter what I will always root for them. That’s sharing love. And I dedicate this post to everyone who thought they could take away my power. Who believed they could dim my power just a tiny bit. You only made it stronger. Thank you for that because now, I cannot unsee this immense power I have. I will for sure no doubt will be sharing all this love that’s waiting to be seen by the universe. Believe in love. Because you are love. Love will lead you. So let it.