Valerie Ortiz
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Life Partner
I'm Val. Formally go by avalcados on the internet. I've taken notice that I suffer badly from thinking that having a life partner will complete me. None of it matters unless that aspect is filled by someone who is understanding, respectful, compassionate, intelligent, free spirited but knows and keeps boundaries, loves me as much as I love them and unconditionally, nonjudgemental, open minded and spiritual. I forgot one thing, hoeless. Sideless. It truly sucks that I need to put that in my list but it's true. I know that's why I put boundaries but I need to be even more dramatic about the issue. This is serious stuff, the world has evolved immensely and nowadays many relationships suffer from just that. I've been there and I vowed to myself that I would pay attention to that aspect. That's besides the fact though. A few months back, I was severely depressed and working jobs I absolutely hated attending. Two months back to be precise. I was doing production jobs because it guaranteed the money. Isn't that lame though? Working somewhere you know you don't even enjoy the slightest but you're willingly to work in the field because you need money to get by? Absolutely insane. I started my spiritual journey back in May 2020 but I'm entering a new layer of it once again. (We will always enter new layers, I've already cried over this realization haha) I started to pay attention more to myself, what my body and mind has been trying to communicate with me and getting myself aligned to frequencies so I can start bringing in the new life I wanted to create. My first manifestation popped up in mid January. I kept envisioning myself in a place where it was kind and homey. Where I loved what I did for living which was being creative. I now am apart of a design team for a very caring and fun company. The first day I attended work here, I was initially there for a different job. (an accountant) I was introduced to the design team the first day though. I remember thinking, "wow, now this is what I wish I was getting paid for." Fast forward to two weeks later and the universe gave me the opportunity I needed and I now work with the people I first admired. I've never been happier with a job before and it oddly feels unreal and so right for me. I belong somewhere now in the career world. Happy times am I right, readers? Let's just not forget that I started this piece with saying that I struggle immensely to feel happy and content when I don't have a life partner to share all these good things with. I'm aware that I don't need a person to feel complete. I'm learning that I have to be my own partner first, so I share the good news with myself and then treat myself. I tell myself kind encouraging words. I'm learning that I feel this way because I grew up with a couple (my parents) who relied so heavily on each other. A couple that would fall apart if they didn't have each other near them. I have all the qualities I listed though. Nothing I've said on this post is or will be unachievable because I am whole and complete. I'm learning to feel these ugly emotions out because I don't want to bury them in my body and mind like I used too. My life is good but damn, one day I'll be sharing these things with a life partner. I know it'll be such an overwhelming feeling (a super good feeling) because I've never actually experienced true love before but I'm aware that it's coming. Be nice to me universe. I may yearn for it but I know it doesn't complete me. Thank you for always allowing me to be when I need it and for pushing me to grow when I've overstayed my welcome.
By Valerie Ortiz5 years ago in Humans
Leaving Behind My Childhood,
I’m Val. Formally go by Valerie, on the internet I’m known as avalcados. I’m 22 years old. I have been raised by not one but two unloving narcissists. For my astrology homies, two undeveloped Scorpio parents. I’ve been coming to many realizations about my childhood, once again. This new process has been so painful and liberating. I can finally say liberating and that feeling I have is crisply hopeful. I’m writing this out mainly for myself. I’m writing also for anyone who may need some words? But more so to the void. You see, I’m coming from a family home that taught me to only share anger and pain. A place that tried to show me that showing any type of emotion makes you unready for life. Because not getting a grip of ur emotions just simply means you’re not ready for this life. *rolls eyes* Growing up, showing love and needing love felt like a crime. I learned to not ask for a simple hug. I learned that if I wanted to cry I had to wait until everyone was asleep to breakdown in the bathroom silently. I learned to accept the uncalled advice and often didn’t resonate with the advice my dad would give. Leaving him content, feeling like he did his job as a father. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. Lately, I’ve been shedding the layers I had believed were there to protect me because I’ve come to realize that love is not a crime. Showing and being love is not a crime or should be shameful. So why do I punish myself in hiding what I do best? Why do I punish myself in keeping myself away from love and comfort? Why do I punish myself in staying stuck in situations with people who view love as a crime? The truth of it all is that I am love and comfort. I can create love and comfort easily. It’s the one thing that comes out of me so naturally. I’m realizing that my parents don’t hate who I am or uncomfortable with who I am. They hate and are uncomfortable with how naturally I radiate the love they tried so hard to never believe in. So they choose to push me away. They choose to misunderstand me. They choose to blame me for not “learning” about life yet. But my purpose is not to stop the love I spew so that they can remain comfortable in their idea that love doesn’t exist. It’s not my job to make them see that I am love. Maybe for them, love doesn’t exist. But I can’t sit here and rip myself apart begging for them to even glance. Life shows me how much love exists everywhere. When I go thru drive thrus and I always ask them how they are back. That’s sharing love. When my friends are going through something and instead of being on them I give them the space to be because they got this. I know when they need a friend, they will come to me and I’ll surely be there. That’s sharing love. When the sky is just so beautiful and you catch it during its most precious time. That’s sharing love. When my own family shows me time and time again that they will never be on my side, I show them that no matter what I will always root for them. That’s sharing love. And I dedicate this post to everyone who thought they could take away my power. Who believed they could dim my power just a tiny bit. You only made it stronger. Thank you for that because now, I cannot unsee this immense power I have. I will for sure no doubt will be sharing all this love that’s waiting to be seen by the universe. Believe in love. Because you are love. Love will lead you. So let it.
By Valerie Ortiz5 years ago in Humans
