Labels Can Ruin Lives

Labels Can Ruin Lives

As young as the age of 3 believe it or not I knew I was different. Of course at that age I didnt know what “different” necessarily meant in the sense of the word. I just knew I was different than all the other little girls.

I had watched the show Oprah with my mother one day and I remember like it was yesterday. The show featured young children,accompanied by their their parents, explaining that they “weren’t a boy or a girl.” Although they used elementary terms to explain their young minds, their message was quite clear. Back then, over 35 years ago, even the sheer idea of a child being a sexual, non-binary, or rather identifying as neither was unacceptable and scrutinized in the world.

Even as a young child, I was very intelligent beyond my years. I remember thinking and even stating to my mother, “ that’s me mommy! Why do I have to be a boy or a girl? Why can’t I just be me?” Being so young, my mother gave me a rather minimal answer but didn’t dismiss my questions.

Many years passed and I was in high school. I vividly remember playing soccer and being annoyed at the idea of having a chest. I wanted it to go away. Again, I was still confused at why I had to be a girl, but again it was still the norm. For my confirmation, I chose the name Christina. It wasn’t until 2 years later that I realized I chose that name because I “admired” Christina. I was still confused and clueless as to what that truly meant. I just thought she was a friend si looked up to and left it at that until I eventually graduated high school.

At 18, my life changed drastically. An older friend of mine invited me to join a softball league. It was a gay friendly league. I freaked out and asked him in a serious snd scared tone “ but do you have to be gay on this league?” He stated “ no, of course not silly but you are gay.” I stood there in shock speechless and deep in thought. Gay? Me? I knew I was always different but never thought of myself as gay. I thought of myself as “me.” Now what “me” exactly meant was a mystery unto itself. It was then that he told me he knew I was gay since I was 13. I wondered to myself how that could be possible. Did I exude some vibe? Did I say things that eluded to the fact? I had known a few gay people at 18 but never entertained the idea.

I joined the softball team and was surrounded by gay and straight individuals. I stayed in the league got 18 years and started to become into my own person. They became my second family. As years went on, I began entertaining different options and really reflected on what gay meant as well as all the other u familiar terms. I was told I was gay so I figured it must be true. After dating men through high school, I decided to meet a woman and see if that changed my thought on human sexuality in general. We ended up dating for a year but my feelings in general hadn’t changed. I was still confused. If I wasn’t attracted to men or women then what did that mean? I started to feel horrible about myself. I despised labels and the connotation that came with them.

After that unsuccessful attempt, I dated men for two years. I thought it would make me feel “ normal.” The truth of the matter is; sex in general just didn’t interest me. I realized that attraction for me meant a mental attraction to a person whether male or female with sex being detached from the equation. I began looking for a person who sparked my intellect, my interests and overall my soul. This is a concept many people didn’t understand.

One day, at the age of 23, I was on a bowling league and the manager came over and said hello to my team. She gave us a huge greeting with an unforgettable smile. I said hello and continued to bowl. My friend told me she liked me and that I should go speak to her. To say I was scared out of my mind was an understatement. We ended up speaking, went on a few dates and eighteen years later we are happily together and married.

To most of the world, and by technical definition, that would make me gay; however I see myself as a person married to a woman. It could has just as easily been a man. Sometimes emotional connections mean more than physical connections for people. This thought process may not be understood by many people and that’s understandable but sometimes a connection with someone doesn’t need labels.

I am a female who happens to be married to a female yet I consider myself “me.” For the first time in my life, I’ve found someone who has made me happy and I feel that’s more important than having to put a label on it. Sometimes labels don’t correctly describe the true meaning and depth of an individual and explain their feelings incorrectly. Sure there are stigmas on my beliefs and that is of course understood but I searched my whole life for happiness and the fact that I found it is all that matters to me.

I try not to use labels for anything because it falsely defines people and puts them into a tiny little box that they may not fit into. Life is about happiness and not worrying about how people label you or perceive you. In my eyes, people are people, whether heavy or skinny, tall or fat, black or white, gay, straight or undefined.

Because of labels and people’s perception of what’s normal, I was embarrassed to be myself until my 30’s. Getting married was a huge step. I still in my heart and soul didn’t consider myself gay. Now 41 and still with the same person, I live my life privately with my spouse, family and friends and consider myself a human being. It took me until now to be comfortable in my own skin because of society’s judgments and preconceived notions of what’s normal. The true fact is that “normal” doesn’t exist. Everyone has something that makes them different. That’s what makes us who we are and what makes the world go round. My hopes are that young people growing up in today’s world will have an easier time being able to accept who they are without putting themselves in a fictitious box and living in confusion and Shane for years.

I’ve lost many friends to suicide due to fear of rejection from society and the inability to be who they felt they were.Acceptance was difficult. Maybe one day labels won’t be forced upon people and they will be more likely to be comfortable in their own skin. A simple label or word can ruin or take a life. Words are more powerful than we can ever perceive.