Just a Messenger

She came up to the second floor of the barn, and saw the barn owl, perched on the edge of the rustic farmhouse table, its body leaning forward, and its eyes deeply fixated. Even as she stepped closer, the owl was not distracted by the girl. What supreme focus, she thought. The girl turned to see what it was looking at. For a moment she only saw the window sill, but in the next moment, saw a mouse scurrying in a panic towards the other end. The owl swooped in without hesitation, grabbed it with its beak, and took off into the night.

She sat down at the table and gazed out through the open window. The fantastic sky coloured the table and chair with peach, pink, purple and blazing yellows. Realizing she hadn’t much time before dark, she quickly pulled out her pen that had her favorite tone of mid-royal blue, and a standard size piece of blank paper, and started writing:

Dear Shlomo,

I hope you are doing well. I heard that you enjoy talking with others, and that you can talk about anything. I heard that some people reach out to you for physical healing, that others reach out to ask how they can manifest their dream life, and still others come to you to request a mentor. The results from your healing olive experiment had brought about a positive change in people’s lives! And I am convinced that miracles do happen. I feel as though right now I got myself in a bad spot in life, and I need your help.

The owl came back with a wide swoop and landed without making a sound. He waited patiently, and cocked his head downward curiously, studying the emotions with which the girl was writing. The girl paused her writing and stared back at the owl. The girl had a sense that the owl consciously noticed her tear stained face and droopy eyes. Indeed, the girl was depressed, and she felt alone. She tried to loosen her heavy shoulders and began writing again.

I am also trying to change my life. I am currently in graduate school, registered as a PhD student, and conducting scientific research but I am not sure if it’s the right career for me. Four years ago, when I first stepped in the research laboratory, I felt out of place. Now, I still feel out of place. I am currently deciding whether I should continue a PhD, or end sooner and finish with a Masters, in which I already have all the requirements for. I have tossed and turned and sweat all night for several weeks now about what to do. I’m scared to make the wrong choice.

As for health issues, I tend to get acne, and my hair is falling out. I know it’s due to the stress. But there are things to be stressed about, that don’t seem to be improving. Further, I have chronic fatigue, chronic pain and insomnia at the same time.

She hesitated…wondering if she should admit further details about what has been distressing her in her personal life.

I have good friends and they have been by my side for a long time. I also have no problems meeting new friends wherever I go. But I have never been in an intimate relationship with a guy before. I am extremely worried that I will never find love. I am unsure what to do going forward to help bring this about.

So tell me, what should I do? I can’t say I know exactly what I am looking for – a miracle perhaps? A blessing. Or perhaps just a change of luck. But whatever it is, I’d be most grateful.

Best,

Sophie Lattern

She folded the piece of paper. Stuffed it into a small red envelope hoping it will catch Shlomo’s attention in particular. She prepared a string and tied the envelope to the owl's leg and sent it off into the ether.

The next day she visited the barn and the owl returned with letter in a white envelope. She opened it and it read:

Dear Sophie,

Everyone has the tools they need to achieve what they want. But the tools are hidden in a different location for everyone. You need to find those tools on your own because I do not know your life history and your personality.

Anything that is really important to you will run away from you. Don’t focus on your problems. Just focus on what you need to do, which is the process, not the destination. Your self-image is negative. Try to shift your focus away from yourself, and focus on what you like doing instead. Then, love will come to you.

And understand that you are worth all of your goals and desires.

Learn from the owl.

Shlomo

Sophie read the letter carefully twice. She found its contents a little mysterious. But she also knew that this man was wise, and was telling her what he thought she needed to hear. She read it again trying to decipher more meaning in the words –something more practical she could do that was specific to her. The owl stepped forward, catching the girls attention. She saw the owl’s eyes questioning her, as if asking her, Why do you do the things you do? As the girl watched the owl staring at her, she thought I wish I could be more like you. Focused…without shifting into worry.

Then, as if a spirit within the owl possessed him, he expanded his wings where he stood. The girl stepped back and watched amused. The owl hovered for a moment, and in the next, flew out the window, in a slightly disoriented way.

Confused, the girl turned and also left the owlery. She opened the barn door and stepped outside.

“Eeeeekkkk!” She panicked as she almost stepped right on the owl. That’s strange. Why is the owl just standing here right outside this barn? Before she could really think about it, the owl began to flap its wings.

Instead of flying upward, it would only rise to a few feet above the ground, and hover there before flying forward and landing six meters in front of her. She instinctively walked towards it stepping though an inch of snow. As the girl’s footsteps reached close to the owl, it would lift off again, and land six meters in the direction the owl wanted her to go next. It seems to be egging me on to something. Excited by that this means, she broke into a run.

The owl lead her to the woods, and the owl began landing, not on ground, but on tree branches. She looked up the branches as she continued to follow him. Her heart was pulsing, and her body and mind were quivering in excitement. She was running for 5 minutes when she realized how natural running came to her. She used to love running long distances back in high school, but she had not maintained her fitness in cardio since. She was lead further, and further into the woods, the owl travelling further and further up, to the point where it almost could not be seen as more than a point with wings in the sky. However, Sophie could still hear the owl as it he made ripples in the leaves as it hopped off branches, and ripples in the leaves as it landed on branches. She was still running, mesmerized by her ever growing conviction that the owl was trying to show her something.

Suddenly she noticed the air became brighter. She had reached a clearing and was out of the woods. The recognizable frozen-over pond lay just ahead. The owl had completely vanished by now. She looked in front of her and there was no person or animal in sight. She whirled around expecting to find something, but all she saw were acres of empty space. Doubt, embarrassment, and disappointment crawled from her calves to her cheeks like fast spiders. The girl began to question herself. Is it not this spot that the owl was leading me to? Maybe there was nothing to see. She returned home.

*

She awoke feeling unrefreshed and uninspired. It had been three weeks since she chased the owl through the woods. The owl had returned to his normal behaviour, swooping into the barn every so often. Her chronic pain was worse than ever and she had continued working in the laboratory. The mundane became the everyday again. She thought it was time to send another letter. She needed another clue...another blessing.

She carried her piece of paper and pen as she walked from her home to the owlery in the barn. As she walked towards the barn, a silhouette of a small figure began to emerge in front of the barn. Two dozen steps more, and she could see that it was the owl again, perched in front. Once she got a meter in front of it, it took off, and landed just six meters in front of her same as before. This is another sign? Sophie thought. She curiously looked at the owl, and then back at the barn, and then back at the owl. She ran for it, chasing the owl. The owl lead her through the forest, same as before. She was two kilometers into the woods when she decided to do an experiment. If the other end of the woods is where I am supposed to end up then the owl, which is ahead, will come back to me here to come get me. She stopped suddenly in her tracks. Sophie waited, looking up at the trees and the blue of the sky. The stillness of her body consequent to the cessation of her footsteps added to the stillness of the woods. She now held her breath waiting for the owl to realize she stopped, and was travelling no further.

Just when she was overcome with doubt, there it was! The owl came towards her and perched onto a low-rise branch. “Okay owl, I’ll continue to follow you.” Sophie began to run across the rest of the 4km stretch of the woods, eyeing the owl above her as it lead her though the thickness of it. She was excited to see what she might find on the other side of the woods. Who she might find on the other side. Something that will improve her life circumstances? Something that will make her happy? The girl ran and ran. She ran and ran.

A young man who was stretching out his cross country team, heard the rapid footsteps and the heavy breaths in the distance. He paused what he was doing and turned. His attention was first caught on her figure. Her stride was like that of a gazelle-her arms were in perfect coordination with the swing of her legs; her posture straight but loose and expansive; her figure graceful, swift, and steady.

Sophie felt her breath get heavier as she trekked the last 2km. Her steps gradually became heavier and heavier from exhaustion as she progressed through the woods. She heard a noise like a twig had snapped, but it didn’t come from her. A moment later she heard footsteps and the friction between two legs coming up behind her. The footstep pace was faster than hers. She figured it was a jogger. Finally, she was close to the edge of the woods again. She slowed down into a stop. Resisting the urge to collapse onto the floor, she crouched forward, and rested her hands just above her knees, her breath now shallow. Her stomach churned, her head spinning. The other pair of footsteps came closer and closer until they stopped right beside her. Sophie tilted just her head to quickly glance up at the figure. The man was tall and looked similar to the girl’s age. He looked down at her studying her flushed face pigmented with red underneath her skin. He smiled and said,

“Good run out there!”

“Yeah” she said as she straightened herself up

“Just out of curiosity what were you running after? You seemed fixated on the sky…”

“I was following something.” She paused and looked at his eyes hesitantly.

“Following what?”

“An owl”

“An owl?”

“I believe it was trying to lead me through the forest and show me something in this spot.”

“What did you find,” he asked trying to humour her. I wonder if she’s joking with me, he thought.

“That’s what I am trying to figure out.”

“Well besides that, I saw you from afar and you seem like a runner. I’m a runner myself and I thought I’d recruit you to join our ultramarathon team.”

She averted her gaze from his face. She thought, this is the last thing I need right now…a distraction. “I used to run a lot about a decade ago. I’m not as fit now. Perhaps when I become more fit I’ll join.”

“Nah, you can get more fit while you train with us. What do you say?”

“Uhh…”

“Look, just join us for one of our practices. You can just try it out and then see how you feel about it. No commitment necessary.”

“Alright, sounds like it could be fun. When is your next practice?”

“The team meets at 7:30pm tomorrow at the Old Mill. We run through the woods. Most of the time it’s a 5 or 10k run. Tomorrow we will take it easy and run 5k. ”

“Okay, I’ll do it. What your name?”

“Tom. What’s yours?”

“Sophie.”

“Nice to meet you Sophie, I’ll see you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your day!” he said, and he turned slow as to make sure to linger a smile and wave towards Sophie. Sophie also waved and gave a small polite smile in return as she watched him make his way back to the team that was waiting for him.

Sophie returned her attention to the vast open space in front of her. She saw nothing but a frozen-over pond. No one even passed by for a full 10 minutes. She looked up at the sky. She looked around her, and behind her. There was no sign of the owl. It vanished. She decided to stand there for 30 minutes to see if anything would change in her environment. Nothing happened. She walked back home. Sullen, tired and confused.

The next day came. Sophie spent most of the day in a bad mood, wondering why the owl lead her again to the same spot. She didn’t see anything there. It was just vast landscape with a pond. I wonder if I was supposed to just wait there longer. Maybe I was supposed to scout there for hours..or even a day, and then something will come. Or maybe I was supposed to do something. Maybe I should ask Shlomo again for advice. I need another clue.

It was near time to meet for the 7:30pm practice run. She sat on a chair and tied up her laces of her old running shoes. They were flexible, light and airy, but they were beginning to tear at the bottom edges. She liked to tie the laces tight as to have the shoe as snug to her feet as possible – it made her feel as though she was one with the shoe.

She went over to the Old Mill, with a spring in her step.

“Sophie!” Tom shouted as he waved to her.

”Hey!” Sophie replied.

“You look a bit happier today,” he said as Sophie approached him with a smile on her face. Sophie for some reason didn’t want to admit it but she was a bit happier in this moment. She couldn’t see why. The team began to warm up.

After the stretching and warm-up period it was time to run. It was an informal run. Only 5km that day. They started off running in a pack with the best runner on the team at the front leading them on the trail. The pack, tight at the beginning, didn’t take long before it had spread further, and further apart. Sophie was behind the pack once they reached 200 meters in, but she managed to keep a consistent pace such that the person immediately in front of her was always in her field of sight. Her heart wasn’t fit enough to keep up with the others, but her legs moved on their own. She found herself only focused on the run, while the thoughts of her troubles melted away. She felt control while she was running. She was free to push herself to go faster, or slow down and reserve some energy. Using her years of knowledge she gathered while she was training a decade ago she reminded herself to keep the discomfort of the run at bay and to let the swing of her arms and legs carry her forward. She thought to herself, this is just like old times.

*

8 months later:

Sophie had to admit – She was happier. During these last eight months, her and Tom got to know each other very well, and became good friends. The sun was barely showing through the clammy, intensely cold mist. Sophie was in the front line, standing behind red tape, focused on the tall, sporty looking referee yelling into a megaphone 10 feet away. He was explaining the trail - the uphills and downhills, the part beside the lake, and the flagpoles that indicated when every km has been reached. Sophie looked around and astutely observed the hundreds that were behind her and those close beside her. Sophie, shifted her weight from one foot to the other, shaking her hands and forearms as if to shake off water from her fingers. Sophie began a mantra in her mind: You can do this. You can do this Sophie. There’s nothing to be nerv – Sophie felt a hard slap on her shoulder from behind. Sophie hunched her shoulders towards her neck in shock, and whipped around. It was Tom, who was slightly staggering on crutches due to a twisted ankle he endured two weeks before.

“How are you feeling?!” Tom asked.

“Tom! You scared me.” She paused, and said, “I wish you were running in this race”

Just knowing he was also trying his best in this race would lift my spirits when my body gives way. Tom smiled, bent forward and whispered into Sophie’s ear, “Your heart is beating loud enough to be heard. Don’t be nervous. It’s just for fun. Just do the best you can and…focus.” Focus. That word stood out to Sophie. The owl!

“Tom, I wonder what the meaning of that owl was.”

“The owl?”

“Yeah the one I was following back then in the woods. When we get back we have to find it”

“Why?”

“Well the owl was trying to show me something but it just lead me to an open space. Twice. When I got to the destination, there was nothing to see. Nothing to touch. Nothing to hear. And after I went to the first practice run you invited me to I never saw that owl again. I want to know how I was able to recover from my distress and ailments after I followed the owl”

“From what I see, that owl was just a messenger. If it wasn’t for that owl, you wouldn’t have looked like a hyped-up gazelle, and I wouldn’t have found you! And, therefore, you wouldn’t be here, right now at this race.”

Sophie raised her eyebrows.

Tom continued, “There was no message to be seen on the other side. The message is: You were born to run. Just focus now here.”

“We are starting in one minute!” barked the referee, catching Sophie off guard and startling her. “I want a nice clean run – no pushing and no shoving! And you! Tom! Stop talking to your girlfriend and get to the side!”

Sophie responded, “He’s not my – “

Tom cut her off by giving her a gentle nudge, and a look that betrayed his feelings. She looked at him with eyebrows raised. A feeling of giddiness washed over her for a few seconds and she gave a smile.

Tom said, “You enjoy running, so get ‘em.” And with that he turned to leave.

Tom limped his way through the runners, and began to cheer with the others at the sidelines. Sophie turned and got into her starting position, bending her right foot in front of her left, and bending her upper body slightly forward. Sophie felt the October wind brush against her cheek, and ruffle her hair. Sophie then remembered the letter she wrote and her wish to recover her health, to do something she enjoyed, and of course to find love. Just a messenger eh?

Tom’s words struck like a chord. Somehow the owl brought her where she needed to be. Right here, right now. Her heart thumped, with realization. Then, she heard the gun shot. And like that, her legs began to move. She ran and ran. She ran and ran.