It's So Hard To Make New Friends as an Adult

“I need new friends.” I told Clara one day over lunch.

“Is there something wrong with me?” She asked.

“Of course not, silly! I just need more people to hang out, people like me who don’t work the 9–5 anymore and have interests similar to mine.”

“Then you should check this app. My mom used it to go for a hike with people she never met. She’s still using it but she’s also arranging trip and nights out with some of the people she met thanks to it.”

According to my friend Clara, I’m not the only one who finds it hard to make new friends as an adult.

She finds it easier to hang out with former schoolmates or people who became part of her life in her twenties than those she met at work or the gym now that she’s — like me — over 30.

But why it’s harder for adults to make friends than it’s for children?

People commonly make many friends at a young age primarily because of growing up in a community with the same background or interests, whether it’s your religious center group, the type of school you attend, or the activities you perform in your free time.

It might also be because we have a sort of internal alarm clock. As reported in The New York Times article, Laura L. Carstensen, a psychology professor who is the director of the Stanford Center on Longevity in California, found out that “people tended to interact with fewer people as they moved toward midlife…that’s due to an internal alarm clock that goes off at big life events, like turning 30.”

According to Carstensen, aging switches our focus from exploring the world to enjoying the present with friends and family members currently in our lives.

More reasons for this lack of friends among people around 30 can be found in the Universitat Oberta de Catalunya article.

The post reports how research conducted by the Aalto University in Finland and Oxford University in the United Kingdom analyzing 3 million mobile phone users data across Europe shows that we reach the maximum number of social connections around the age of 25.

Around the age of 30, most people enter a new phase of their lives — a stage dedicated to family matters, like partner and children. Family-related tasks take up most of their daily time.

According to the Wikipedia page collecting the average wedding age worldwide, it’s clear that people get married between the age of 19 and 36 on average.

During this new phase of our lives, we tend to meet with our partner friends, and coworkers or with our children’s friend’s parents.

Just because new people enter our lives doesn’t mean they automatically become good friends. Still, in this period, our need for social interaction is shifted from ourselves to the family needs.

How to find new friends as an adult

As time goes by, people divorce, children grow, or we simply realize one day most of our past friends have moved on, and we need new ones in our lives.

Looking for new friends as an adult might sometimes feel uncomfortable. We feel ashamed for being lonely; there is nothing wrong with feeling the need for new friends. It doesn’t matter how or why you lost connection with the old ones; what’s important is not giving up on opportunities to find new friends.

I want to share with you some ways I’ve found and tried to make new friends over the years. I’m sure you will pick at least one!

Travel app/website

Clara’s advice was to register on a trendy website that arranges excursions all across Italy.

I’m sure there are these kinds of organizations all over the globe nowadays.

Their formula is pretty easy. You pay a yearly fee that covers insurance, and then you can pick every event or holiday you want and pay a discounted price for that trip that might include a guide, accommodation, and even food.

Other travel websites are free to use, and you can join every time you want, paying for a single excursion, or use their forum or Facebook group to find new travel companions.

In-person courses

Due to the pandemic, most in-person activities have been moved online, but since the situation is slowly going back to normal, it’s time to find a new face-to-face venture to attend.

Courses where interaction is required are the best. For example, you can learn a new language or take a wine tasting class.

A friend of mine took a Japanese cooking class, and she had the chance to meet people with the same passion for Japanese culture. They joined travel arranged by the association that organized the cooking class as well as other events.

Local religious community

Once, inside a church in the UK, a lady told me some local ladies would meet there in the afternoon to do crochet and spend some time together.

Some communities organize more than religious events. They meet to confront, help each other, learn new hobbies and make trips at weekends.

If you are a religious person or wish to know more about the local community you live in, joining the local spiritual center might be an excellent way to meet new people rather than just pray.

Team sports

Being part of a team in sports has several benefits, like boosting self-esteem, creating a sense of community, and improving communication skills.

A great team needs to have complicity among the players, and usually, the bond between members goes beyond the game.

Forget about solitary training at the gym; there are lots of sports you can play to find new friends like volleyball, basketball, or even martial arts.

I’m not a big fan of sports, but in my area there are several walking groups. I’ve joined them a couple of times to keep me fit and learn new paths close to home.

Volunteering

Last but not least, volunteering is an excellent opportunity to be helpful while getting to know other people.

Every town has a list of local associations; you can probably find those near you asking at the town hall or just browsing online.

There are associations in charge of animal shelters, afterschool or historical locations.

Years ago, I was part of group fan of Celtic music and culture. Every year we used to organize a festival with music bands from all over the world, stands with themed products and a food court.

It was fun. I had the chance to meet many new people and be part of something I loved.

Conclusion

Finding new friends as an adult might seem challenging, but it’s not impossible.

Start by defining your interests and the type of people you wish to know. Try to find people who align with your way of doing and are passionate about your same interests.

Also, don’t be disappointed if you can’t find a new friend after a couple of tries, don’t give up and try something different.

Out there, someone is looking for a friend just like you!