It's a Woman's World

22 March 2028 Three men in Leone have mysteriously died in their sleep in the last four days. The deaths were peaceful and none of the men had a history of health issues . -Le Progres

22 March, 2028 Claude Martin of Douglas died suddenly in his sleep two nights ago. His grieving widow, Evelyn said he was fine at bedtime and had spent the day mending fences. He is also survived by two children, Betsy and Claude Jr. -Casper Star Tribune

23 March 2028 Four more men have died in their sleep in Leone. It has been established that all seven known cases involved men known to have been present at the Palazzo di Bocce International Invitational Tournament -Le Progres

14 May 2028 In what has now become known as the Mandemic men and boys worldwide have been dying in their sleep in numbers that are rising so rapidly that they can’t be tallied with any accuracy. The cause has not yet been pinpointed but it appears to be airborne and at least as transmissible as measles. As of now, there are no known cases of any female having contracted the disease. -The New York Times

21 May 2028 Desperate attempts to control the Mandemic are foundering as virtually every country has imposed a strict male lockdown. Reports confirm that Wyoming (USA) has reached 100% male mortality. U.S. president Ingrid Holm has acknowledged that Vice President Jack Black has passed away. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi will succeed him as VP. The halls of congress are virtually empty as the women of both chambers meet in emergency session with the president. -Le Monde

26 May 2028 As scientists struggle to understand or even name the cause of the current worldwide pandemic among males research is now focused on genetic differences between men and women. One clue has come with the fact that the determining factor of mortality in transgender individuals has been gender at birth, though several male to female transgender individuals have survived after days of a sleep coma. New head of the American CDC Sally Westerberg has confirmed that, worldwide, all known pregnancies have resulted in the death of male babies within 24 hours of birth regardless of exposure to other males. -The Guardian

6 July 2028 A male born two days ago at L.A. County Hospital is said to be in good health and shows no signs of Mors Somnum. Walter Mohammed Lapinski born at 5:36 p.m. July 6, weight 6 pounds 13 ounces, length 21 inches is resting comfortably with mother Colleen Lapinski under the watchful eyes of hospital staff. –The L.A. Times

1 August 2028 The Lapinski Baby, dubbed Firecracker Jack by Times reporter Teddy Kearney in honor of his July 4th birthday is in excellent health and at home with his mother and two older sisters Bridget and Bernadette. The FBI has placed an around-the-clock unit at the Lapinski house. Sources close to the White House say this will be a permanent arrangement. -The L.A. Times

22 March 2029 On the anniversary of the first known victims of Mors Somnum world leaders have convened in Tokyo to begin discussions of a new worldwide order on a planet virtually free of males. There is of course the Lapinski baby, as well as a few surviving but seriously debilitated victims of the disease. Rumors abound of healthy living males but there are no substantiated cases. The first order of business is the survival of the human species. Sperm banks around the world have been seized and are under tight control of their respective governments. There is little doubt that this will be the primary method of procreation going forward, but a system of access must be quickly agreed upon. The devastating loss of food sources is also a major issue of the conference. There seems to be unanimous agreement that emerging systems of hydroponics, aquaponics, and vertical farming must be scaled up, shared and supported worldwide before the crisis becomes untenable. Rising temperatures, wildfires, intense storms of all kinds and ocean level increase also continue unabated. One bright light of the conference is that no nation is interested in investing in continued military aggression. Presidents Holm of the U.S., Balakin of Russia, and General Secretary Zhou of China are all in agreement on this. -Le Monde

4 July 2046 Today is the widely anticipated 18th birthday of Firecracker Jack Lapinski, the day world leaders have designated as the day for him to make the choice as to whether his sperm will be “harvested” for general procreation. He is fully expected to give his consent and there are already applications filled out by the millions around the world to get the “Firecracker Treatment” as they call it. There is also speculation that there will be an annual lottery to meet with Firecracker Jack and do it “the old fashioned way”. According to his sister Bridget, “Eeewww!” -Comedy Central

4 July 2053 A solution to the genetic mystery of Mors Somnum continues to elude the brightest scientific minds of the world. Strong, healthy female children continue to be the order of the day and virtually no males except for the occasional extremely debilitated and short-lived male “muffins”. Generation WTF has never known a living male except their televised views of the once exalted Firecracker Jack Lapinski, the hope for the return of the male. Lapinski seems to become more embittered with the passage of time, complaining in an interview to air today that female domination has not improved the world. “Sure there’s no more war. It’s all rule by guilt-trip” he quips as he shakes his golden locks. “You still got racism galore, and plenty of poverty to go around. My book would be I know Why the Caged Bird Tries to Get the Fuck Out of the Cage. Too many mothers spoil the fun.” -The L.A. Albatross

22 March 2058 Isabelle De La Fontaine’s new book The Battle to Save the World is a series of interviews with those who were on the front lines of the worldwide disaster that wiped out the male population with Mors Somnum and at least 25% of the females through the starvation and disease that followed. She concentrates mainly on the rapid demise of the male. Each chapter features interviews on different aspects of the Mandemic. She covers topics ranging from the anguish and suicidal grief of mothers who had suddenly lost husbands and sons to the brilliant response of the scientific community to the food crisis to the practical dilemma of dealing with so many dead bodies. There is a macabre and hilarious interview with Ohio based body builder Shannon Hilberer who specialized in recovering the bodies of obese men in what she dubbed The Fatty Patrol. Whether you lived through it all or are part of Gen WTF this is a must read. –Betty Barcelona in The New New York Times review of books

13 June 2066 The first female and perhaps the greatest president, Ingrid Holm, lays in state at the U.S. Capital as the country, and indeed the world mourns. Whatever our current disagreements there is virtually unanimous agreement that Holm and other world leaders by their quick and decisive action brought back the human race from the brink of extinction. She will be buried in her beloved Minnesota along with the ashes of her cherished dog, undoubtedly the most popular (if inaptly named) White House dog, Joe Bite’in. I went in search of personal stories of Ingrid to her childhood friend and former head of the CDC Sally Westerberg. Ms. Westerberg suffers from severe dementia but I hoped I might be able to jar a few memories from her. I was particularly interested in the three years they spent together in Kathmandu as young women, but all was to no avail. As soon as I mentioned Kathmandu she started talking about a cat. “I had a dream just last night! My father and my cat Frosty! The Ghost of Frosty! They were having a tea party, talking and laughing. And I wasn’t invited! Goddammit, that was MY cat!” In an attempt to distract her from the cat ravings I commented on the lovely gold heart shaped locket that hung around her neck. She looked down, surprised, and then opened the locket. Inside was a photo of a distinguished looking man. I thought perhaps it was her father, and asked who it was. She looked perplexed. “Millard Fillmore, I think,” she murmured. At that moment her nurse decided Ms. Westerberg had had enough and politely excused her. As she wheeled her back into the Lizzie Borden Home for Retired Politicians Sally was brandishing what appeared to be an aluminum sword and shouting “Company charge!” -Serendipity Swenson in Ladies Home Journal Reboot

1 January 2100 The long awaited key to the genetic puzzle of Mors Somnum appears to be at hand. A paper to be published in the coming weeks gives the details of the breakthrough. Head of the research team, Caitlin Boyd, says that the ability to procreate males is a virtually certainty and can proceed at the behest of the government. There are of course many competing factions regarding what to do now. The two major worldwide organizations are the Mockingbird Militia, and the Bees. The Militia, fanatic proponents for the reintroduction of the male, rallies every year on July 4th at the Tomb of the Unknown Boner in Washington Deceased (as they call it). They hold a variety of conspiracy theories as to the disappearance of Firecracker Jack Lapinski and the immediate murder suicide of his mother and sisters. The most improbable of these blames the persistent and still unexplained UFOs first acknowledged by government authorities in 2021. They call for an immediate full repopulation of the male. They are opposed by the Bees, followers of the late Samantha Bee, oft quoted as saying, “Oh my God girls, get over it. Paint a mustache on your dildo. You’ll be fine.” They point to the end of war and the promising turnaround of the climate crises through reduced population and CO2 recapture technology as reasons for their stand. Both sides are in agreement on rejecting calls to initially reintroduce males into zoos and take a wait and see approach. The future, as they say, hangs in the balance. -Mother Jones