Is Respect Better Than Love?

Respect and love are both good and positive feelings to have. Both feelings contain elements of admiration, raising the question, is one better than the other? Should they be compared at all?

To be perfectly candid, no, these emotions should not be compared. But it is better to prioritize respect over love. Respect is the most fundamental value that should be expected of everyone. And without respect, love cannot be expected to flourish.

For a better perspective, how do we define these feelings?

What is respect?

Respect according to the dictionary is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

On the other hand, Wikipedia describes respect as a positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important or held in high esteem or regard. It conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities. Respect is also called esteem.

Character trait and value

However, I believe that respect should be given regardless of a person’s status, rank, color, or creed. Respect is both a personality trait and a value. And that it should be taught and learned by every individual at the earliest stage in their life.

This is because respect is not something that we are born with. An individual’s moral sense, including respect, is learned after birth, from our environment, and from our experiences.

Respect and dignity

The difference between respect and dignity is that the latter IS inherent, it is something that people are born with. Respect, on the other hand, being a learned trait will benefit from dignity in the sense that a person’s self-worth will reflect in how he regards others.

Respect is everything

People who have a healthy respect for themselves will treat other people the same. It is the most basic value that should be expected from anyone.

However, because no two people’s situations are similar, not everyone was taught or was able to understand the value of respect.

What is love?

Now we will look at the definition of love. This is a slam-book question that people have tried to define in a variety of ways.

Love has been described in the cheesiest way possible or most pragmatic way possible, such as the following:

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry”

-Erich Segal, Love Story

“To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind.”

-Alfredo La Mont

In any case, let us just say that love is having affection for someone. That someone can be a spouse, a child, or a friend.

This leads us to the various types of love, the most basic of which are:

Romantic Love

Again according to Wikipedia is an emotional feeling of love for or a strong attraction towards another person, and the courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions.

For brevity, let’s just say it is love between partners.

Parental Love

This love put simply is the love between parents and their children

Platonic Love

This love was conceived by Plato, a Greek philosopher. According to him, there is a type of love that rises through levels of closeness to wisdom and true beauty. This love is above carnal attraction to individual bodies but rather attraction to souls, and eventually, union with the truth.

In modern times, this love is described as platonic love which is shared between friends.

Then there’s Agape, which is a different kind of love.

Agape

Agape is described as the fatherly love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God. This is the highest form of love and is sometimes also called charity.

This love is unconditional love for humankind. It involves being generous and giving assistance to other people, especially the needy or suffering.

Are respect and love synonymous?

As per their definition, respect and love cannot be interchanged to mean the same thing. Love and respect have their own defining characteristic.

How are they different?

For respect, that characteristic will be the term “high regard.” Both of oneself and that of others. The defining characteristic of love on the other hand is the term, affection. The sentiment felt for another person, whether a romantic partner, family, or a friend, etc.

Respect and love can exist without the other. You can respect people without having to love them. Sadly, you can also love people without respect for them.

However, when both of these emotions are present, a relationship takes on a much deeper meaning. Any kind of love will thrive and prosper when accompanied by respect.

What does it mean to be respected?

To be respected would mean being valued and accepted despite being different. That is different nationality, language, religion, sexual orientation, point of view or opinion, etc.

It would mean being able to share something without fear of being judged or persecuted. To be respected would mean letting your hurt feelings show without them being invalidated.

Being respected would also mean having your capabilities or accomplishments acknowledged and deemed worthy of other people’s appreciation.

What is the difference between someone’s love and respect?

A healthy platonic or romantic relationship will require love and respect. The difference between love and respect may be better discerned in the following examples:

When a spouse or significant other kisses you goodnight, it is coming from love. When the spouse or significant other tells you where he or she is headed after work, that is respect.

A mother who prepares her child’s lunch for school does it for love. A mother who does not snoop around her child’s personal belongings does it out of respect.

Friendships also thrive on this structure. A friend gives a birthday gift or provides emotional support out of love. And a friend will not pry on your affairs out of respect for your boundaries.

What comes first, love or respect?

As was discussed in the previous paragraph, respect is a fundamental value that should be readily given to every person that we meet.

Just like there are different types of love, there are also two kinds of respect. One is the primary value- that which is given and the other is the one which is earned.

The former kind of respect should be the character trait that we cultivate early in life.

Love will be easier to develop when there is respect between two people at the onset. Respect provides a level footing for people to progress from being acquaintances to becoming friends or romantic partners.

What is respect in a relationship?

Respect in a relationship means being reciprocated. It is often said that respect is a two-way street, if you respect me, I will respect you.

Although the statement that respect should be a given still holds true. The further actions of the other person will determine whether respect should still be given. And will determine whether a relationship should continue.

Respect as a value does not mean that it should always be present if there is disrespect in another person.

Mutual respect

People are so focused on themselves sometimes. They are so focused on what they need and want that they forget about the other people involved in the relationship. However, when each of the parties involved respects one another, there is a deeper connection and much more appreciation and affection.

Mutual respect takes into account the other person’s input, feelings, decisions, or opinions. As a result, a person will feel valued.

Respect or Love: Which is more important?

This is just my opinion, others may have a different view, and I respect that (no pun intended.) It is my opinion that not all of us will need other people to love us. But all of us will definitely want the respect of other people.

In life, we fail at love, most especially the romantic kind. And it’s alright. But the one thing we should not fail at is giving respect. We may lose love, but the one thing we should not lose is respect.

To paraphrase the wisdom of an unknown author, a person deserves someone who can’t wait to talk to them and spend time with them. Get to know them and fall in love with them.

We should stop settling for half-hearted, lukewarm, hesitant, and indecisive individuals. There is no respect in there. It is much better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone because your presence is not appreciated.

So, when the question of whether Respect is better than Love arises, this quote may provide a deeper answer:

The greatest lesson Mom ever taught me, though, was this one: she told me there would be times in your life when you have to choose between being loved and being respected. She said to always pick being respected, that love without respect was always fleeting — but that respect could grow into real, lasting love. – Chris Christie

How about you? What are your thoughts about Respect and Love? Please share them in the comments.

Originally published at http://transitionsandbeginnings.com.

Outside link:

Is Humanity’s “Moral Sense” Inherited or Nurtured?

Love or Respect?