Is Love Just a Feeling, or Is It a Conscious Choice?

Many people say, "Just let relationships flow," but truly long-lasting relationships involve many subtle details from the very beginning. It's not about luck; it's about effort, communication, and whether both people are willing to discuss important topics clearly before they commit.

It's highly recommended that you and your partner discuss the following 10 topics clearly before you get serious. The earlier you focus on these topics, the less friction you'll have later.

1. On Demand: Are You a "Report-a-Thing" Type or a "Free-Breathing" Type?

Do you value instant replies to messages? Can you tolerate your partner going out alone with friends on the weekend? Some people prefer to be inseparable, while others prefer a more hands-off approach. The most frightening thing in a relationship is having different perceptions of how much contact is needed.

2. On Argument Bottom Line: What's Your Worst-Case Scenario for an Argument?

How do you most dislike your partner handling arguments? Some people can't tolerate the silent treatment, some hate to bring up past issues, and some see the first sign of an argument as a reason to break up. It's crucial that you discuss these things beforehand; otherwise, when an argument happens, it will be painful or exhausting.

3. On Values: How Should Dating Expenses Be Divided? Is the Ceremony or the Price of a Gift More Important?

If you don't clarify your values, you'll only end up tripping over each other's expectations, especially during the holidays. Some people believe in elaborate celebrations, while others believe the thought behind a gift is what matters. As long as your values align, you can enjoy it no matter how you celebrate.

4. Regarding Minefields and Taboos: What Behaviors Are Unacceptable to You?

Smoking, excessive drinking, dining alone with someone of the opposite sex, browsing phones—everyone has different pet peeves. Speaking up ahead of time is much better than arguing about it later.

5. Regarding Family of Origin: How Does Your Family Influence Your Relationship Expectations?

Does your parents' relationship influence your expectations for marriage? Can you accept living with older relatives? Do you mind your partner's parents interfering in your life? Our family of origin often silently becomes a template for our relationships, and if we don't clarify our expectations, it's easy to end up arguing.

6. Regarding Future Plans: What Will Be Your Focus in the Next Three Years?

Are you pursuing your career, planning for marriage, or focusing on personal growth first? If two people's timelines diverge significantly, even the most passionate love won't last.

7. Regarding Privacy Boundaries: What Can Be Kept Secret, and What Can't Be Hidden?

Exes, savings, social media passwords, social networks—what's a reserved space, and what's the bottom line for honesty? It's best for both of you to discuss this upfront to avoid future suspicion.

8. Regarding Flaw Tolerance: What Small Flaws of Mine Are Unacceptable to You?

Snoring? Procrastination? Anxiety? Everyone has flaws, but you need to know if your partner can tolerate them. Otherwise, you'll just be frustrated and complaining.

9. Regarding Life Compatibility: Can You Accept That Our Interests Are Completely Different?

Do you love staying home and watching TV while your partner loves hiking outdoors? It's not about who gives in to whom, but whether you can each be comfortable without interfering with each other's lives.

10. Regarding Maturity Management: How Do You Handle Disagreements?

Do you just smooth things over, or do you work together to find ways to improve? The stability of a relationship can be seen here. A good relationship isn't about "we don't argue," but about "we know how to argue and how to fix things."

It's normal for two people to have different personalities, but whether they can develop a comfortable relationship depends on whether they discuss these things or not.

Clearly discussing these topics before committing to a relationship can really help you avoid many pitfalls. You'll find that people who know how to communicate enjoy much more stable and happy lives than those who rely solely on feelings in relationships.

Relationships aren't about instant rapport; they're cultivated through hard work and adjustment.

Thank you for reading!