Have you lost yourself in the name of love?

We often grow up believing that loving someone means giving, yielding, and accommodating as much as possible—even gradually setting aside our own needs so the other person can exist freely in the relationship. But these gestures, which we once believed were expressions of deep affection, can later reveal themselves to be a form of "losing yourself."

I once knew a woman who loved someone so deeply that she was willing to adapt to their schedule, accommodate their family, and even suppress her own dreams. She had planned to study abroad and start a business, but she put it all on hold for love. Back then, she felt less like herself and more like a version of herself that was simply useful and appealing to him.

Looking in the mirror, her tone was calm, yet tinged with pain: "Loving someone can truly make you forget how dazzling you once were."

As she spoke, the music in the room changed to an old song. I saw a weariness deep in her eyes—not the mark of age, but years of self-suppression and doubt. These marks of time cannot be erased by lasers; only self-love can slowly heal them. Have you ever had a moment like this?

You used to be passionate, open, and confident. You could be happy all day just from a song, smiling at your own reflection. You had dreams, passions, and the urge to conquer the world. But in a relationship, you gradually began to change. You became afraid to speak your mind, to fight for what you wanted, to say no. You began to deny yourself, doubt yourself, and blame yourself. Was there something wrong with you that caused love to fade away?

If you've ever been in a relationship where you've become less and less like yourself, then perhaps it's time to pause and ask again, "Do I still like who I am now?"

Love shouldn't make you humble. True love brings you peace of mind, not anxiety. It makes you gentler and more resolute, rather than constantly afraid of being unappreciated.

But in the wrong kind of love, we often become "trained to compromise." You start to shut down your needs for fear of upsetting your partner. You convince yourself, "This is fine," even when you're clearly not happy. You even start to self-censor: Will this sentence make him angry? Is this outfit too eye-catching? Am I too clingy? Too distant? Too sentimental?

When loving someone becomes a cautious tightrope walk, it's not love; it's a trembling self-denial.

People love you not because you're selfless, but because you have a light within you. That light comes from your whole self: your confidence, your principles, your emotions, and your refusal to be hurt. Someone who truly loves you won't expect you to sacrifice yourself for their sake; they'll cherish your feelings, understand your needs, and exchange deep affection with mutual respect.

Stop blaming yourself; it’s not because you're not good enough.

After a breakup, many people blame themselves instead of their partner: "Was I too emotional? Was I not considerate enough? Was I too much in love, putting so much pressure on him?"

But the truth is, no matter how perfect a person is, they can't turn a relationship with the wrong person into the right one. Love isn't a matter of effort followed by a reward; it's a two-way flow and a choice. You can be gentle, caring, and offer all the good in the world, but you also need the courage to stop giving. Because when you repeatedly cross your own boundaries to fulfill the other person, it’s not love; it’s a waste of energy and an imbalance.

Remember, no one is worth sacrificing your self-esteem for forced companionship.

Love is a process of making each other better. We all need to learn to identify a healthy relationship:

You can be yourself, without being forced to conform to someone else's image.

You are seen and listened to, rather than constantly ignored or interrupted.

You can express vulnerability, without being criticized for being "too emotional."

You are encouraged to pursue your dreams, rather than being accused of being "too ambitious."

When you are happy, he is genuinely happy for you, rather than thinking you're too independent.

Healthy love illuminates each other; it doesn't diminish either person. A true partner should be a mirror, allowing you to see a brighter side of yourself in their eyes, not a wall against which you bang your head and bleed, with no response.

Loving yourself is not selfish; it is fundamental.

We often believe that we must first become worthy of love before we can truly be loved. But in truth, you must first learn to love yourself before you can find true love. Loving yourself means learning to care for your own emotions, rather than suppressing them. It means knowing you're worthy, rather than begging for mercy. It means knowing how to walk away from a bad relationship, rather than clinging to it in the hope that the other person will change.

As you grow more comfortable with yourself, you'll find that you no longer need love to prove your worth. You won't settle out of loneliness, you won't stay together just because you're used to it, and you won't lose yourself because you fear losing.

Finally, a note to you, and to your past self:

One day you will understand that love is never about sacrificing yourself in exchange for someone's closeness. Instead, in the process of growing closer, you grow to love yourself more.

The love you deserve isn't about making you smaller, more fearful, more doubtful, or more vulnerable; it's about making you shine, about standing tall, smiling freely, and saying with peace of mind, "I love you, and I love myself just the way I am."

Please remember: no matter how much you fall in love, don't throw yourself away in it. Because you deserve a love that loves you and makes you love yourself even more.

Thank you for reading!