Is Jealousy in a Couple Good or Not?

Why is the couple jealous? We have become so accustomed to this strange emotion that we no longer even wonder why we feel it sometimes, for no real reason! Some people who have never had problems with jealousy may find that they can't stand the idea of ​​not knowing what to do, where, who their partner is with, and more importantly, that they can't stand the idea of ​​being close to another person.

Why are we jealous? The superficial, instinctive answer would be: because we love! Without love, desire and passion, jealousy has no power… But what triggers this emotion? Biologically, humans appear to be genetically conditioned to feel and react to this emotion.

Men, out of the need to own a woman and make sure that the descendants given to them by the partner are certainly their children, and women, to keep a man by their side, who in ancient times was the supporter and defender of the family. Thus, jealousy fulfilled a function as practical as possible: to ensure the maintenance of the connection between two people. Without jealousy, women would feel free to have sex with any man, the latter as well…

From a psycho-social point of view, jealousy in the couple arises from insecurity, insecurity, and, implicitly, the need for security. This can be seen from two perspectives: either you feel insecure in your relationship, you feel threatened by other people who (in your imagination) might be more suitable for your partner, or the insecurity comes from an open, sociable attitude of the partner.

In the first case, insecurity is related to a low self-image: if you do not feel good enough, beautiful, smart, if you are not successful in your career if you are simply not satisfied ( a) by yourself, it causes feelings of insecurity and a small inferiority complex. Thus, believing that your partner may find another person more attractive, smart, etc., you will face feelings of jealousy, sometimes irrational and not based on facts.

But jealousy in the couple can come from well-founded feelings of insecurity, based on reality. When your partner is a successful, extremely sociable person who draws around the world and likes to communicate, you may feel insecure precisely because of this situation.

Even if you do not have problems with your self-image and consider yourself equal or even superior to your partner, if he is admired and permanently surrounded by people of the opposite sex, jealousy will not be expected. You will feel that only you have the right to enjoy him/her, only you have to admire and compliment him/her, only you have to have him/her!

From here, things get trickier, and this is where the true jealousy of a couple comes in. In the first situation, you alone cause this confusing and unpleasant emotion. You constantly think, when your partner is not with you, what he does, who he is with, where he is late, etc.

You start to project in your mind various scenarios, sometimes drastically far from reality. For example, he/she is late at home by an hour or two - instead of assuming that he/she had to finish a project at the office, that he/she had a car crash, that he/she lost the bus, etc., you get to a job quite quickly. another explanation (which can sometimes be real, but often it's just in your mind) is less pleasant - he met someone, he's in a bar and drinking, etc.

When we talk about real jealousy, it is caused by practical situations: when you go out in a place and notice admiring looks when your partner is approached by a stranger when he/she socializes with many people and ignores you more than you would like…

Jealousy manifests itself as a reaction to a practical, concrete situation - this does not mean that it is founded! Jealousy is a couple is founded only when certain signs show that your partner may be cheating on you or when he is openly showing interest in another person!

Is jealousy in a couple good or not?

How much does jealousy affect the couple's relationship? Some say it's good to be jealous because it shows love! Okay, but the important thing is how intense the emotions are and especially how they manifest. If jealousy develops to the point of frequent crises, quarrels, and, above all, a feeling of possession and dependence on the other, it is not an emotion that will help the relationship.

When one of the partners wants to completely own the other, he checks it and feels the constant need to know what he is doing, jealousy does more harm. First of all, it shows the lack of trust: self-confidence, partner trust, and relationship trust! Relationships in which one of the partners control the other's program and in which, worse, one of them projects various fantastic scenarios that provoke jealousy attacks, have a lot to suffer. At some point, the partner verified and controlled in such a way can get tired!

But less intense and occasional jealousy in a couple can be good for a relationship: the jealous person realizes how much the partner matters, how much he/she loves and needs him/her, and the one who caused a small jealousy crisis feels admired, valued and loved.

A little jealousy brings with it passion: when you see how others admire your partner, you seem to be glad that it is only yours and you can't wait to take him / her home, in bed!

What can you do if you are too jealous?

First of all, ask yourself where this emotion comes from! He doesn't simply tell you, "That's how I am, more jealous"! A trigger must exist. Is it the insecurity caused by your self-image? Work on this image and try to see why and how others admire you, especially your partner - if others admire and respect you, that means you should be more confident.

Is it the partner's style and his preference to spend a lot of time in crowded places, where he is in the middle of attention? Try to be by his / her side and see that, no matter how much he/she likes the attention, he/she is not looking to replace you at all!

The second step in managing jealousy in the couple: if you don't have real reasons (testimonials, lipstick marks, perfume smell, unexplained receipts, etc.) be jealous, but you just feel the need to know that he/she is only yours/yours, try to control those moments when you feel that jealousy comes to the surface and takes control of your thoughts.

When you don't know exactly what he/she is doing, avoid mentally projecting compromising scenarios: wait and you will see that he/she has had reasons to be late or not tell you where he/she is. Assuming he is doing something wrong only has the effect of slowly annoying you: you will boil in your foam, you will create more and more scenarios and when you meet, you will make him a scene that is usually undeserved! And he/she will feel wronged and offended by your accusations.

If you are jealous of a particular person in your partner's entourage (for example, a co-worker), find out about that person you can and rationally consider whether there is any reason to feel jealous: that person seems interested in your partner. or is it just a college relationship?

If you think you have real reasons, try to explain to your partner that it bothers you to know that he spends time alone with that person and to present the situation to him in reverse: "do you like to know that I go for a coffee with X"? But if jealousy is caused only by the idea that your partner is spending time with that attractive person, control yourself.

Otherwise, you don't get anywhere, so try to control your jealousy and take the time to grind, thinking about where and with whom your partner is with relaxing activities. And when he/she comes home, enjoy his / her company and don't pay attention to this irrational emotion!