The Main Reasons Why Partners Quarrel in a Relationship

Why are we arguing? Sometimes, it's like you're arguing with your partner without even realizing what you're up to or for some seemingly unimportant reason! Then, once released from the tension, you no longer find a drop of rationality in your reaction. Why is it that we quarrel with our partner without a significant quarrel?

Did it happen to you to light up and start screaming uncontrollably just because he left his dirty socks by the bed or just because she was late (as usual, by the way) ten minutes?

Or to have a seizure just because he forgot to buy a salad or because she carried you (again) shopping for three hours? You get angry, your blood goes up to your head, you start counting how many times this or that person has done it and when you see him/her, you can only scream!

Why are we arguing? First of all, because it's normal! Every couple is made up of two individuals - two different individuals, from different backgrounds and families, with different sets of values, norms, rules, habits, expectations!

A couple's partners can't have identical sets, just don't be brothers! And being different is good for a relationship: more than similarity, complementarity is what helps a relationship grow. But the problem arises here: it is very difficult and requires a lot of time, patience, compromise until those two sets adapt to each other and complement each other! That's why, even after a long time, even couples of ten, twenty years get to argue!

Why are we arguing? Often, conflicts or different points of view arise when it comes to important changes in the couple's life: when it comes to moving together, marriage, children, change of profession…

The quarrel arises due to the inability to reach a common point of view! It's not always a bad thing - often the quarrel will help you to express your opinion openly and reach a compromise. But some quarrels are not so simple when the two partners have drastically different expectations from life: for example when one is oriented towards professional development, while the other is towards building a family.

Compromise is the only solution and it is possible only when different expectations are overcome by love, respect, attachment, and communication.

But why do we sometimes quarrel over nothing? It happens that we argue for a useless reason, for example, related to making routine decisions, related to daily life: who washes the dishes, where we go to eat, what dress is more beautiful…

These quarrels occur when one between the partners of the couple has accumulated for a long time a certain tension. A small dissatisfaction - for example, that he rarely washes the dishes or that she always wants to go out dancing - a dissatisfaction even outside the relationship will increase over time and will cause the accumulation of tension that becomes unbearable at some point.

The closest person will become the target of that tension! Here is a nice paradox: the one you love the most is at the same time the one you pour all your nerves into!

The reason for the quarrels

When quarrels are not related to important decisions and changes in the couple or simply the desire to get out of the couple, the answer to the question of why we quarrel has two possibilities: either a tension has accumulated in the relationship or outside.

In the first case, one of the partners has long been facing a certain dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction. For a while, he or she says nothing, "shuts up and swallows," thinking that the problem is too small to be discussed. But over time, it grows, grows inside, and just because it has been repressed, it will come to the surface with foam!

And from here, for a longer or shorter period, you argue and keep arguing! What dissatisfaction can such a crisis cause? Anything: from dissatisfaction with doing household chores to dissatisfaction with sex life to dissatisfaction with spending free time.

It happens that one of the partners thinks: "there is no point in arguing just because he prefers to go to poker, I prefer to go dancing, I'd better please him", or "there is no point in I argue with her just because she refuses to have oral sex, I can and without ". And so, he decides (mature, he/she thinks) not to start an argument for a seemingly insignificant reason. But, over time, especially if there are a few small grievances, they will come to the surface in a beautiful crisis!

Therefore, it is better to say at the moment any dissatisfaction you have about the couple's relationship or with your partner and talk together. And if you end up arguing and you don't know exactly why you've been feeling more stressed lately than usual, it's time to sit down, think, and identify the sources of dissatisfaction in the couple. Then, communicate them to the other person and discuss them, trying to find a compromise.

But the answer to the question of why we are arguing may be related to the accumulation of tension in one of the partners, tension related to other aspects of his life. Maybe problems in the profession, maybe a general dissatisfaction with the way his life is going, maybe health problems or family problems…

All these cause the accumulation of stress and tensions, which unfortunately also break in the couple's head! If one of you has problems and is facing stress, he will be much less communicative and the relationship will be tense, sprinkled with small and various quarrels!

What can you do in this situation? It is important to note that your partner is NOT to blame for your dissatisfaction! Analyze your life, remember what expectations you had from yourself when you were younger, see what expectations and dreams you did not meet, and look for the source of your dissatisfaction.

When you know the cause of the stress, try to find possible improvement solutions yourself and make a detailed plan to put them into practice. Then tell your partner the problem you are facing and the decision you have made. Sure, you can ask for help from the beginning, but remember that he/she is not responsible for your dissatisfaction! If you don't help yourself, he/she can do even less!

One last tip: when you feel that you are slowly getting angry, when you feel that you have less and guys, when if you look at him / her your blood comes to your head and you have a little more until you lose control, take a break!

Decide that this will be the common method of managing stress: when one of you gets angry, leaves the room or even the house for a walk in the fresh air, breathes calmly, relaxes and only then thinks about why he got so angry. ! Communication is essential, but you may have to wait until you can calm down a bit because a tense and emotionally controlled discussion usually leads nowhere.