Is having a boyfriend really embarrassing now?

I came across it this morning while scrolling through my phone, still half-asleep, my mind racing ahead of my thumb.

“Dating men nowadays is embarrassing.”

There was no explanation nor any effort to soften the statement. The words stayed there, bold and clear. At first, I didn’t know how to react. I laughed, then frowned, and read it again, more slowly.

That sentence didn’t seem random. It felt familiar, like something I’d heard before in talks with friends, in jokes, or in thoughts people usually keep to themselves.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised the sentence wasn’t really about men. It was about how dating has changed.

There was a time when people openly shared their relationships. They posted about it and celebrated it. Love was visible and, in some ways, expected. Being chosen felt like proof of desirability, success, or progress.

Now, relationships are more private. People might hint at a partner or not mention them at all. Photos are cropped, and names are left out. It’s not that love is gone; it's just that being seen feels really risky.

Dating today feels like it’s always being watched and judged. Who you’re with isn’t just your own business anymore; it’s seen as a sign of your standards, self-awareness, and growth.

That’s where the discomfort starts.

If a relationship doesn’t seem impressive, mature, or emotionally strong enough, people might not say anything, but the judgment is there. The question hangs in the air: Why him?

That’s what people find embarrassing. It’s not the love itself, but having to explain, defend, or justify your choice.

For many women, there’s a deeper frustration. They feel they’ve done the emotional, mental, and sometimes financial work, but see that many men haven’t done the same.

They’ve gone to therapy, reflected, and unlearned old habits. They’ve learned to communicate, take responsibility, and grow. Too often, dating feels more like giving guidance than being in a partnership.

So the embarrassment becomes a symbol. It’s not about being embarrassed to love a man.

It’s about being embarrassed to shrink yourself just to make things work.

But this is where the conversation often gets harsh, and I think we lose something important.

Men didn’t end up here by accident. Many grew up learning to hide their emotions, see vulnerability as weakness, and lead without knowing how to connect. Now, they’re expected to change quickly and are shamed when they struggle.

Shame doesn’t help people grow. It only creates distance.

When dating turns into a contest about who is more evolved, instead of a place to grow together, real closeness becomes almost impossible.

Still, something important is happening beneath all this tension. Women no longer center their worth around being chosen. Being single isn’t seen as a failure anymore. For many, it’s peaceful, intentional, and a place of clarity rather than lack.

That’s not something to be sad about. That’s progress.

But being independent doesn’t mean looking down on others. Growing doesn’t mean shaming anyone. Choosing yourself shouldn’t make love feel shameful.

When I hear someone say “dating men is embarrassing,” I don’t hear hate. I hear exhaustion and disappointment. I hear about emotional work that went unnoticed for too long. I hear people tired of carrying relationships by themselves.

But I also hear a warning. If we turn our pain into jokes, we lose the chance for real connection. If we turn disappointment into rejection, we might close ourselves off from what we still want, even if we act like we don’t.

Love isn’t gone. It’s just more careful now.

People aren’t against relationships. They just don’t want to settle, pretend, explain themselves, or make themselves smaller.

Maybe the real question isn’t why dating feels embarrassing now, but why it became so hard to show up for each other with honesty and equality in the first place.

When love is something we feel we have to hide, defend, or apologize for, it means something deeper than dating has changed.